


Unexpected

by FFanon



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canonical Character Death, Deleted Scene used and changed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Lovers, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Follows the show to a point but some order of scenes have been rearranged, Major Character Injury, Shameless Smut, Slow Burn in an emotional sense, Zombie Apocalypse, a bit anti-Lori, a bit anti-Rick, and some completely new scenes have been added, mention of Shane/Lori, some scenes have been changed to fit the story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-16 16:25:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 73,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13639977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FFanon/pseuds/FFanon
Summary: Being a part of the camp in Atlanta came with one hitch - Shane Walsh.  He proved to not be someone you liked almost instantly. So who would have ever thought that somehow you two would end up falling for each other?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to give a multi-chapter Shane story a try (at least one that I actually post). I liked the idea of Shane butting heads with someone, yet they have hot sex despite the anger towards each other. And eventually they realize that maybe there's actually something real between them. So that is my attempt with this story.

Shane Walsh did not have a personality that you enjoyed.  From the minute he became the one to lead this impromptu group, his brash and rude ways instantly turned you off.  You would admit though that he did seem to put a good effort into making sure you all were safe, but his seemingly lack of kind social skills was infuriating.  On one hand, you wanted to listen to him to stay alive, but on the other, you were stubborn and to have a jackass instruct you on what to do, you didn't want to do it.

 

You can't stop yourself from challenging him when you feel he needs to be.  Not every decision of his is as foolproof as he likes to think. And whenever he's more rude than needed, you call him out on it; not necessarily in front of people all the time, but you make sure he knows that you take notice.  For this reason, Shane isn't fond of you.  He sees you as an annoyance, always questioning him and telling him shit that he doesn't care about.  Who cares if he spoke a little too harshly to Andrea?  The world ain't about being chummy and making friends, it's about staying alive. 

 

Sure, you take it a bit too far.  Anytime you happen to bump into him, you make a show to step away.  Shane just rolls his eyes and sarcastically smirks at your behavior.  It's gotten to the point that you swear he purposefully positions himself near you to increase the chances of you bumping into him, just so you can get annoyed.  Because lately when it's happened he just stays put and throws you an obnoxious grin. 

 

But just like you can also admit that he does keep you all safe, he can admit that you're an asset.  As much bullshit as you give him, your ideas aren't as horrible as he makes you feel they are.  And he sees how capable you are; every task given to you is done efficiently and accurately.  You're also alone in this group, like Glenn, and he'd be lying if he said that didn't make him feel for you just a little bit.  The walls you have up with him could very well have something to do with that, he's not stupid.  But hell, if he tends to forget that when you start talking.

 

Shane's crouched down behind his Jeep, counting the ammo that's left when he feels your presence behind him; he's gotten pretty good at feeling you around that way.  With a sigh, but not turning around, he quips, "What shit you got to say to me now?"

 

Arms crossed against your chest, "Dale," is all you say and he hangs his head with irritation before he's standing up and turning to face you.

 

"He's a big boy, he can talk to me himself if he's got a problem," Shane puts his hands on his hips.

 

"Not if you scare the shit out of everyone here.  You treat him like some crazy old man, when he's nowhere near that," and Shane just chuckles sarcastically as he looks to the side before looking back at you with his brows slightly raised. You continue, "He can drive away with that RV anytime he chooses, and that RV is one of the best things we have going."

 

"I scare the shit out of everyone, huh?" He narrows his eyes for a second as he makes his point, "Well hey now, if that's what it takes to keep everyone doin' what they're supposed to do so we all live to see another day, then so be it," and he throws his arms out briefly to be dramatic, "And that man ain't goin' anywhere.  He's got too much goin' for him here in this camp than he'd have anywhere else.  He knows that." 

 

"You know, you say that to the wrong person and that almost sounds like a threat," you step closer to him, arms falling to your sides.

 

Shane isn't one to back down, especially to a pain in the ass.  He takes a step forward, a few inches between you both, "Now who said anything about a threat?" he says low, his tone evident that maybe he did mean it that way.

 

"I'd be careful if I were you," you say to him, tone matching his, "You let this whole Deputy gig get to your head, you'll never see it when it changes, when those who follow you decide to turn against you."

 

"Now who's the one with a threat?" He challenges low, "You want out? Go. Ain't no one gonna stand in your way."

 

"Yeah? You might," and you cross your arms over your chest again.

 

Shane shakes his head with a brief chuckle, "And why would I give a shit if you wanted to go?"

 

"Because of every single person here, I'm the one who helps you get shit done.  Name one thing I've fucked up."

 

And you see his expression change to annoyance, because you know he can't think of one thing.

 

"Exactly my point," you smirk in victory.

 

"So what? You stayin' to help me?" He teases to get a rise out of you.

 

"No. I'm staying to help all of them," and you almost spit out that last part at his arrogance before walking away. 

 

You don't see Shane take off his baseball cap and rub at his hair in frustration as he kicks at some dirt.


	2. Chapter 2

It's hard to miss how well you two work together, as much as you two dislike each other.  On some weird level, you seem to understand one another.  When a bad storm took down the perimeter, the fence of string and cans that was set up the first night, you and Shane went to fix it.  As much as you get annoyed by each other, you're able to put that aside momentarily for the better of the group.  The whole time was spent in silence, but the efficiency didn't lack from it.  Shane would shove the post back into the ground and you'd hand him the hammer at the right time so he could pound it into the ground more.  When he'd string up half of the twine, you'd pick up the slack to string it to the next post.  The job got done quick and when it was over, neither of you said anything, just walked back to camp.

 

When it came to Shane you were hard-headed, but it didn't stop with him.  Ed, Carol's husband, was a piece of total shit and everyone knew it.  He beat her and possibly their daughter.  And sticking up for them was high on your list as well.  Ed grabbed Carol by the neck and yanked her back from joining the women at the quarry, but he made the mistake of doing it in front of you.  

 

Grabbing a knife, you stick the blade against his neck, "Let her go you asshole," you seethe and he does, but not without words.

 

"You mind your own fucking business!  She's my wife, she does what I say," he growls despite standing still due to the blade.

 

"Not anymore. The world isn't the way it was before.  You have people around now, people who see every single bruise on your family's skin.  That shit you do to them, you can't hide that anymore."

 

Shane comes out of nowhere and grabs your arm that has the knife to Ed's throat and pushes it away without causing harm to Ed, and without letting go of your arm.  With a hand on your hip, he pushes you back.

 

"What the hell you think you're doin?!" He's asking you.

 

"Get off of me!  He treats Carol like shit, you know it like I do!" You say in his face.

 

"Walsh, you need to keep that bitch in check!  I have a right to defend myself, not my fault if something happens to her!" Ed is yelling now too.

 

With a grip still on your hip and arm, Shane turns to Ed, "You touch anyone this group and I'll put you down myself!"

 

With the yelling, everyone's tempers are flaring.

 

Shane turns back to you, "Who's scarin' the shit out of everybody now? You don't threaten anyone in this camp with a weapon," he warns.

 

"I swear to god, you better let me go!" You warn him.

 

"Or what? You gonna stab me?" Shane knows you wouldn't do that so he keeps a hold on you, "You gotta calm down first!"

 

You take a few deep breaths despite glaring at Ed over Shane's shoulder.  You lower your voice so only Shane can hear you, "He yanked her by her neck, Shane.  God, you know just as well as I do what he does to them," he can hear how frustrated you are.

 

He matches your tone to keep the conversation private, "Okay, okay.  I let you go, you promise not to attack him? I'll take care of it, alright? I promise."

 

And you just look at him, his stare never wavers from yours. You know he's not just bullshitting you.

 

"Okay. I won't do anything, I swear," you agree and Shane nods, letting you go. 

 

As promised you, put the knife down and stay where you are. 

 

Shane turns and walks towards Ed, tone angry, "Listen here, you touch anyone in this camp, including your family, in a violent manner? You're done, here.  I'll take you out there to the walkers myself. Do you understand me?"

 

Ed glances at you angry, then gives Shane the same look before reluctantly nodding.  He then stalks off towards his tent.

 

As Shane starts walking back to you, you begin to say thank you when he starts in on you.

 

"Don't you pull that shit again!"

 

"Excuse me?!"

 

"There's a problem in this camp, you come to me first. Got it?"

 

"What are you, the fucking king?  He's an animal!  I put these people first just like you do," and you actually poke his chest in anger, "He wants to touch people like they're garbage, then I'm gonna threaten the shit out of him!"

 

"You do anything like that again, and I'm takin' all weapons from you.  Understood?"

 

You glare at him then flip him off before storming off.


	3. Chapter 3

Things took a turn when Rick Grimes arrived at camp following a supply run.  Shocking was putting it mildly.  Lori and Carl had their family back and Shane, well he just lost one.   Everyone flocked to Rick and part of you wasn't surprised.  He had a strong presence like Shane, albeit a more calming one.  It was a welcome change from Shane's intensity.  

 

As everyone was gathered around the fire that night, listening to Rick's tale of survival, Shane had gotten up to begin his tour of keeping watch for half the night.  You watched him, looking more lost than you've ever seen him, and saw as he walked behind the RV. A couple of minutes you waited before getting up and following him.  When you round corner of the RV, Shane's running both hands through his hair, obviously distraught.  He looks up at the sound of footsteps. 

 

With a heavy sigh, he drops his hands in frustration, "Come on," he almost begs, "You gonna start with me?"

 

You walk over to him, and lean back against the side of the RV.  He eyes you, waiting for some snide comment. 

 

"How the hell do you screw up hearing a heartbeat?" you question.

 

"And there it fucking is," he states.  Almost chuckling at knowing that he was right, that you'd end up saying some shit to him.  He paces a bit as he talks, "You have NO idea what it was like in that fuckin' hospital!"

 

"You said you had your ear to his chest," you repeat the story you've heard a few times, trying to make sense of it, "Your ear was right there! How do you not hear it?"

 

Shane stops and glares at you before walking right up to you, you find yourself doubting if you should have pushed him at all.

 

And for the first time, you see a different emotion in his face - sadness.  His eyes seem to be watery as he points a finger in your face, "There was shit being blown up outside.  The whole fuckin' building was shakin', I didn't know what the hell was happening!" 

 

He's so close that you feel his breath on your face and you just stay still.  Just let him continue.

 

"I swear to you that I did not hear a heartbeat, otherwise...otherwise I would never have left him!"  And he slams a hand against the side of the RV, right next to your head, "Do you believe me?"

 

"Does it matter if I do?" you quietly ask.

 

And he scoffs as he looks away for a minute before looking back at you, obviously more frustrated than before.  But you see it, see as his eyes flicker between yours and your mouth, and yet you're not nervous about it. 

 

"You are the biggest pain in the ass I've ever met," he says low, in his throat.

 

You tilt your head just a bit and can't help but smirk at his annoyance, "Yeah, well takes one to know one, right?"

 

You honestly can't remember who moved in first.  All you remember is Shane's lips crashing with yours. His hands grasping your face while you grab his hips and pull them against yours. 

 

It's rough and almost desperate.

 

"You drive me fuckin' crazy," he complains, in no way meaning it in a good way, as he pulls away just quick enough to utter those words before he's slipping his tongue in your mouth. 

 

"You're no prize yourself," you manage to quip right back, your hands moving to his neck as his move to your grab your ass.  His whole body is pressing you against the RV.  Unexpectedly, he pushes his hips into yours and you stop kissing him to let out an audible gasp, your lips parted against his, his eyes on yours. 

 

You look at him before kissing him again and he doesn't fight you on it.  But then it's the sound of footsteps coming from somewhere behind the RV that have you gently shoving him away, leaving him momentarily confused as you quickly walk away.  As you round one corner of the RV, Rick comes walking around from the other way.  Shane runs a hand over his mouth, then his hair, as he turns to see Rick.

 

You walked to your tent, noticing how just about everyone else has already left the fire and done the same.  Not sure what the hell just happened, you covered your face as you laid down on your back.  All you know is that you didn't hate it. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hint of smut but believe me it will get a bit more explicit in future chapters.

The next morning Shane couldn't help but glance at you more than usual, he realized that.  Whatever happened yesterday, he was curious what the repercussions would be, if any.  He knew he was worked up about the shit with Rick, but he also knows that deep down, that wasn't the only thing that drove him to kiss you.  

 

What was even crazier was that you kissed him back. And god help him, that gasp that left your mouth? And that look of pleasant shock you had on?  Well if that didn't replay over and over his mind.  It was to the point that after his watch shift was over, the constant replay caused an arousal that he needed to take care of himself.

 

You had helped the girls cook up some rice that was in the food supply you had and you handed out portions to those nearest you, one of them being Shane.  After you handed Morales his portion, you stuck the next portion out to Shane.  You had nothing to be ashamed of, he kissed you just as much as you kissed him.  You shared eye contact with him as he took it from you, a small nod in thanks before you were walking across the circle to sit down and eat your own.

 

It was a bit awkward you won't lie.  Neither of you really discussed it and you still found him annoying like he did you.  Then it sort of slipped your mind to be honest because once Rick started talking about heading back into Atlanta to retrieve a duffel bag of guns he acquired, that become the hot topic of discussion.  

 

Shane of course was against it, which didn't surprise you honestly.  Though he was extremely happy his best friend was actually alive, you could sense a shift in power that you know Shane felt too.  You personally felt Rick was right.  What good is protecting the camp if you have nothing but a few knives and a couple guns that only a couple people are allowed to use? More guns means more protection, plain and simple.

 

Lori, and you don't blame her, wanted Rick to stay put.  He just made it back to them after months of thinking he was dead, why willingly risk his life when there were others who would take care of it for now?  But Rick, the leader that he seemed to be, insisted that he go too.  He knew exactly where they were and it was his fault that he dropped the bag to begin with.  He didn't want to be the cause of anyone getting hurt.

  

Glenn and Andrea agreed to go for the guns; it only made sense to have weapons for protection.  The rest of the group was indecisive for good reason.  As was usual, only a select few of you would be going on the supply run.  Those who stayed behind didn't really need to make a decision because it ultimately didn't affect them.  But you were one of those who was a runner.  Which is why Shane followed you into the woods as you checked the perimeter fence.

 

"I need you to back me up on this," you hear him say to you as slowly walk along the fence checking for any breaches.

 

"Well I think he's right," you glance at him as you keep slowly walking.

 

"For fuck's sake," you hear him utter under his breath, "Why?" he asks you.

 

You stop and face him, "Quite simply because in order to protect ourselves, weapons don't seem like a bad idea," you add that sarcastic bite in.

 

He sticks his hands out like he's about to make a point, then chuckles in disbelief before running his hands down his face, "If half of you leave, that's less people to protect the camp. How do none of you get that?"

 

"One day, Shane.  One day half of us wouldn't be here.  In the months we've been camped, how many times have we gotten attacked?" and you walk over to a tree and knock on the trunk, "Knock on wood," you tease for his superstitious thinking.

 

Hands on his hips now, he doesn't smirk at all at that little display.  And that little lack of facial movement gives you an idea how serious he is about this, you sort of know him well enough to have picked up on things like that.

 

As he steps closer to you, he questions, "I thought you said you put these people first?"

 

Rolling your eyes, you quirk a brow at him, "I do. Do not make it sound like I'm doing something wrong here."

 

"All I'm sayin' is that I wouldn't be surprised if you're going against me out of spite.  And if you are, that is doing the wrong damn thing for them."

 

With a loud, frustrated groan you step right up to him, chests almost touching, "Christ, get over yourself! I can't have an opinion of my own without it somehow relating to you? Are you serious right now?! Go ask someone else to side with you. Not that I was going to anyway, but your way of convincing is complete shit."

 

Hands still on his hips, there's a moment there - something you can only equate to that feeling of right before a storm.

 

Then it happens, Shane dips his head down to capture your lips with his own, his brows still knitted in aggravation.

  

You find yourself start kissing back for a split second before you come to your senses, or so you thought, grabbing his chin to keep him still and leaning your head back to look at him in anger.  

 

Both of you looking at the other, searching eyes for who knows what.  Seconds later, you're leaning back in and kissing him, his hands moving from his hips to yours as he backs you up against that nearby tree trunk. 

 

The kissing isn't as desperate this time, it's more concentrated, which makes it even better than last night which you hate to admit is surprising.  It's easier to get lost in the moment with his lips now moving with more purpose and that's what you decide to blame it on when you find yourself reaching for his belt.

  

To give you more room, he moves his hands to slide into your hair as you blindly undo his belt and his fly.  Then as he pushes his pants and underwear down just enough, you're doing the same to your own.  With a hand braced on the tree behind your head, he hooks his other arm around your bottom and picks you up, pulling you forward a bit.

  

It's just a few minutes, a stress reliever for the both of you you tell yourself.  You catch him looking down a couple times, watching as your bodies meet before he's kissing you again.  His forehead his pressed against yours when you both find your release.  

 

A whispered 'fuck' of satisfaction slipping from his lips as you both catch your breath.

  

Then, just as quick as it started, you're both pulling your pants up as soon as it's over.  Again, no words are shared as Shane tucks his shirt back into his pants and you're bending down to tuck your pants back into your boots.  

 

When you stand up, he puts a hand on your wrist and you look at him with an unreadable expression apparently because when he pulls the twig from your hair, he shows it to you as if having to explain why he touched you, despite what you two just did.

 

As you walk away, Shane stays back.  He runs a hand through his hair as he finds himself watching your ass as you walk away, despite the confusion at what the hell you two are doing lately.

 

After a few minutes, Shane emerges back into camp.  This time, you're almost embarrassed to look at him.  You started that back there. He may have started the kiss but it was you who reached for his belt and took it further.  

 

Thankfully Rick is announcing that those heading to Atlanta, group up because they're heading out.

  

With a glance at Shane, who's already looking at you, you gather around Rick and load up into the vehicles.  

 

 

 

 

Shane had been right.  

 

The one day the bunch of you leave camp, it's get attacked by a hoard of walkers.  All of you who headed into Atlanta came back to screams and gunshots.  Grabbing the weapons from Rick's bag, the group of you came into camp killing what walkers you could.  In the end, you lost several people, including Andrea's sister.

 

Andrea crying over her sister's body was one of the most devastating things you've witnessed so far.  And it truly gave you a slap of reality that you didn't know you needed in a sense.   

 

Sure, you've killed walkers but you haven't seen anyone actually be killed by one, as you were traveling alone when you came upon the traffic that lead you to this group of people.  And seeing the devastation of Andrea only reminded you that if something happened to you, who would mourn you like that?  Plus the fact that as seemingly safe the camp was, this was a reminder to all that it really wasn't.  

 

Shane noticed a change in you even if no one else did.  The way you were more jumpy and just a bit more quiet than before. Nothing was more surprising than when you came to him as the lot of you were cleaning up from the zombie attack, Andrea waiting for her sister to turn.  

 

A gentle touch of his side and he turned his head to see you standing there looking at him.

 

"You were right," you said with a tone that said you were wrong for not trusting him.

 

There was nothing snide about your comment, just a person admitting that maybe things weren't as black and white as they thought.

 

"Believe me, I wish I wasn't," he replied softly.  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What the heck, two updates in a day

 

Later that night discussions started about the group needing to leave the area for somewhere new, somewhere safer.   And unsurprisingly, there were two sides.  Rick with the CDC and Shane with Fort Benning. Shane was getting heated in his defense on why an army base was the answer in terms of safety.  He was met by resistance, mostly from the Grimes', but that's whose resistance hurt the most.

  

Dale had first watch that night.  Everyone had went to their tents, half of you terrified of another attack, yourself included.  It wasn't for stress relief this time.  Some would call it pity or just looking for a warm body, and maybe that was true.  But you weren't looking for the why, you were just looking for him.

  

Unzipping the flap of your tent quietly, you peek out and can make out Dale's form from the moonlight.  As suspected, his head was to his chest, asleep.  Quietly, you unzip the flap the rest of the way and step outside. Eyes already adjusted to the dark, you find Shane's tent easily.  When you first get a glimpse of him as you open his tent, he's laying on his back.  His knees bent and his hands behind his head as he stares up at the ceiling of it.  A crease of concentration between his eyes.

 

He sits up quickly to see who it is, and the way that crease disappears at him seeing it's you makes your heart flutter more than you want to admit.

  

As you step inside and kneel down in front of him, he's got an arm wrapped around you to pull you close.  He doesn't stop you as you start unbuttoning the rest of his shirt right away, he just leans forward to take care of closing the flap back up. The second it is, he's kissing your neck.  

 

You push the shirt off his shoulders and he moves one arm at a time to let it fall off, always keeping a hold on you. You lean back from him a bit and reach down to grab the hem of your shirt, then you're pulling it off and dropping it somewhere next to you.   He pushes your bra strap off your shoulder and his kisses start moving along there.  You slide your hand into the hair at the back of his head and lean down, kissing the part of his face you can see.

  

It's those sweet kisses to the side of his face that make him lift his head and kiss you.  As you push against him a bit, you reach behind and unclasp your bra, pulling it off your arms without breaking from him.  When you drop it by your shirt, he moves to a knee and his arm around you tightens.  Bracing himself on the ground with one hand, he leans down, gently laying you down on your back as he hovers over you.  

 

As his kisses move to press around the soft skin of your chest, you manage to nudge your shoes off.   The warm breath from his nose tickles a bit as he moves around each breast. Arching into him, you grip his bicep, then his kisses are moving down your stomach.

  

He unbuttons your jeans and sits back on his heels to pull them off with your underwear. And for the first time, you're completely naked in front of Shane.  Laid out like an offering.  One that he is happy to accept. Instead of devouring you like you had always figured Shane was the type to do, his hands start at your thighs and slowly roam up your sides as he takes in the whole sight of you.   It's more romantic than you had expected from him.  

 

Part of you wanted this to last, not sure if was true feelings for him or just the comfort of someone, but you also knew that you needed to get back to your tent before Dale’s shift was up.  Anyone else up there will see you leave his tent. 

 

When Shane feels your knees press against his hips, he gets the hint.  He quickly, but quietly takes off his pants, underwear, and boots.  As he does, you can’t help but watch him. The contours of his muscles still just as attractive in the dark as they are in the light.   

 

When he crawls back over you, you run your hands through his hair as his face moves over you.  His hand runs down your side to hold your thigh to his hip and he pushes inside of you.   

 

Both of you know you need to stay quiet.  Shane’s mouth barely leaves yours, even when one of you needs to breath a bit more, parted lips stay against one another’s.   

 

He loves how you grip his shoulder blades or grasp at the back of his head with both hands when you’re getting close.  You’re surprised you don’t draw blood from how hard you’re biting your lip; leaning your head back with your eyes squeezed shut as you climax first.  Shane’s movements don’t let up as he kisses your throat exposed from your actions.   

 

When you finally open your eyes again, looking at him, you notice his nostrils flaring a bit more; the veins in his neck straining and you know he’s close himself now.   

 

You slide your hands along his stubble to grasp his face and you lean up a bit to press several soft kisses around his face as his eyes close, that crease of concentration back again. He’s making small groans that you can hear from his throat so you hug his neck, forcing him to press his face into yours.  His teeth scrape against the sensitive skin there as he opens his mouth a bit to let out a groan into your neck.  It’s muffled slightly, but not completely and you just hope no one heard.   

 

His chest rests against your own as he relaxes after his own release.  Just for a minute, before he’s leaning on his elbows on either side of your chest to look down at you.  And you find yourself looking back up at him, no rush to leave just yet.  You feel one of his palms rest against your temple, his thumb stroking the end of your eyebrow.  Coincidentally, you have a hand on his jaw, thumb moving back and forth slowly along his bottom lip.   

 

And yet, neither of you move.  Just looking at the features of the other as your stomachs gently press against each other’s with each rapid breath as you wait for breathing to even out again.  

 

Now, he’s leaning down and pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth then trails some along your jaw until his lips are against your ear.  And the only words spoken that night are from him, when he whispers in your ear, “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

 

Part of you wants to hit him for making this sweeter than you had expected when you decided to come to his tent and part of you wants to keep kissing him until the sun rises.   

 

You choose instead to hug his neck, keeping his face where it is.  And Shane presses another kiss next to your ear.  He knows you’re still spooked from the attack last night and that you’re probably looking for comfort of some sort, but if there wasn’t something else going on here, you’d have been back in your tent by now.   

 

The moment leaves when you both hear footsteps nearby followed by Daryl’s voice whispering ‘Shit!’ as it sounds like he’s stumbled over a rock.  He’s heading to switch shifts with Dale.   

 

Shane feels you let go of him and he knows it’s over.  Whatever beauty was happening is done.  He pulls away, bodies no longer fitting together and he starts dressing just as you do. When you go to unzip the tent flap, his hand wraps around your wrist and he shares a look with you.  Shane instead peeks outside first and sees Daryl and Dale chatting at the bottom of the ladder.  When he fully unzips the flap, you know it’s your signal to go. 

 

You take one tiny step out of his tent before you make the rash decision to turn around and pull him in for one more kiss.  It’s quicker than you both would have liked, but for Shane it’s a sign of hope.  

 

Before he knows it, you’re quickly heading back to your tent and he’s settling back into his own. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead

It's not until you wake up that you realize you forget your bra in his tent.  In the rush to get dressed before being found out, you just threw your shirt on.  It's going to be interesting to try and get it back, he seems like the type to make you work for it maybe; more so after you initiated the sneak sex visit.

 

As everyone is finishing up breakfast, you feel eyes on you and turn to see Shane looking at you.  With a quick nod of his head towards the tents, you give a small nod.  A minute after he heads that way, you follow him.

 

He's by your tent when you walk over and he reaches into his pocket, pulling out your bra, "Was this supposed to be a souvenir or somethin'?" he teases.

 

A slight blush blossoms on your cheeks as you grab it from him and toss it into your tent before anyone sees.  Not one to let Shane get the upper hand if you can help it, you look at him, "Why? That good that you want something to remember it?"

 

And it's almost like that night wasn't as soft and sweet as it was.  The two of you back to being wise asses.

 

Shane's face loses its humor as he steps closer, voice lower, "Maybe."

 

The fact that anyone could walk over here any minute and see the closeness of you two isn't forgotten, and yet you take this moment to ask him something that's been on your mind.  Especially since he just changed the tone of this conversation.

 

"What you said last night..." the only thing spoken between you two, "...you were just saying that right? Caught in the moment type of thing."

 

His brows knit together a bit at the question, the slightest smirk playing at his lips. 

 

"That really the only reason you could think of?"

 

“The only one that makes sense.”

 

Shane quietly scoffs and turns his face to glance to the side before turning back to you, “And why’s that?”

 

You have no idea really.  Emotionally you are so confused about Shane that part of you is scared to let it continue.

 

“Because we don’t like each other?” 

 

It’s the slightest fall to his face that you notice.  You doubt anyone else would have caught it, but somehow you spot it and instantly you feel like the worst person.  

 

Shane tilts his head a bit, he noticed the questioning tone you used, and he asks his own, “Is that still true though?”

 

And the held eye contact makes you feel like the answer isn’t as easy as you wish it was.  But before you can respond Rick’s voice is heard as he calls for Shane. 

 

Shane keeps his eyes on you as he takes a step back and hollers back to Rick that he’s coming, then he’s walking away as you find yourself watching his ass, wondering if maybe you’re not the only one confused by all of this.

 

Slowly you head back to where the group is too.  Rick and Shane are off by the RV having a discussion where Shane is clearly irritated, he takes his baseball cap off and rubs his hair, a total tell. 

 

Helping Jacqui fold the laundry you watch as the two men walk back to everyone.  Shane never even glances your way, not once.  Why do you even care?  You have no idea, but you do a little bit.  It’s easy to realize that he’s upset with you and you can’t blame him really.  Thinking back, if he said to you what you just said to him, you’d be upset too.

 

“Everybody listen up!” Rick starts, “We’re gonna have a group vote about where you think we should head.  This way it’s completely fair and if in the end, you still don’t like the decision than there’s always the option to break from the group, but that is your choice.”

 

The group circles up and Rick starts going around the circle, each person stating their vote.  Shane went first with his vote for Fort Benning obviously and so far he’s the only one.   You’re the sixth person to vote and it’s when you say ‘Fort Benning’ that you finally get a glance from Shane. 

 

Rick shifts on his feet before hesitantly speaking up, “I thought you told Lori you agreed with the CDC?”

 

“I did, and I’ve since changed my mind.  Why? I vote against you and I get questioned for it?”

 

Shane crosses an arm across his torso and rests his elbow on it, using his fist to hide his mouth as he smirks.  You’re a real pain in the ass, but it’s entertaining to see someone else on the other end of it this time.  Let alone the fact that you sided with him; you’re as stubborn as they come, so he knows you didn’t decide that just to ‘be nice’. 

 

Rick eyes you for a second, before nodding slowly, “No, just was curious is all,” then he’s moving on around the circle. 

 

The CDC ended up winning with three votes only for Fort Benning, the third being Daryl.  Now came gathering all the supplies we can carry before moving on.  Glenn and you volunteer to go back into the city to gather up whatever’s left.  And then a surprise came when Shane insisted that he’d go with you two. 

 

Shane drove the Charger with Glenn riding shotgun.  Sitting in the backseat, you just looked out the window at the carnage in the streets and the burning city surrounding you, never seeing the few glances Shane throws your way in the rearview mirror.

 

It’s back to the Department store to scavenge what you can. 

 

“I’m gonna hit the top two floors first!” Glenn says excitedly.   It’s part of why you love Glenn, despite all the shit in the world now, he’s so positive that it can be infectious at times.

 

“I’ll check out the parking garage.  Those cars have got to have something useful in them.”

 

Both of you turn to look at Shane who looks between you both before talking to Glenn, “I’m gonna help her check the cars.  There’s gotta be a ton of ‘em, I’ll help speed it up.”

 

Glenn, “Alright, sounds good! Meet back here when we’re finished,” and he’s already to the stairwell heading up.

 

You head to a different stairwell ahead of Shane who isn’t far behind.  As you quickly make your way down the first set of stairs, Shane says “Hey, slow down. C’mere.”

 

Over your shoulder, you ask why, still moving just simply to make it to the garage quicker.  If you wanted to avoid him, you’d have made up an excuse not to go on this run.

 

Shane catches up to you and gently grabs your elbow, getting you to stop and turn to him.  Shane holds his shotgun by the barrel at his side and pulls you in with an arm around your waist. 

 

“What are you doing?” you ask as you grip his sides, a lightness to your tone and a smirk playing at your lips.

 

Shane dips his head and leans close, tip of his nose moving across your cheek as he keeps his lips close to yours just not quite on them, “We ain’t in the camp, got no one around.  Figured there ain’t nothin’ wrong with me kissin’ you for a minute.”

 

Now you let your arms circle around him, pulling yourself just that much closer.  With your face staying close, both of you speaking in hushed tones, you tease, “You know, you can’t just go kissing me whenever you want.”

 

Shane huffs out a quiet breath of a laugh, “Yeah?”

 

“Mm,” you hum.

 

“You always gonna make life difficult for me?” His lips brush across your cheekbone briefly.

 

“As long as I can,” you tease with a smile.

 

Shane’s lips quirk up into a small smirk before he finally kisses you.  When he pulls away, he thinks to ask you, “Why’d you vote with me?”

 

“Long answer? What kind of answers are we going to get from the CDC that’s going to help the world that’s already gone to shit?”

 

Shane kisses you again for a minute before pulling away again, “Short answer?”

 

“I trust you,” and you look at him for a second before leaning forward and giving him a quick kiss that he happily accepts before you’re gently pushing him away and opening the stairwell door into the parking garage.

 

Shane had grabbed a wire hanger from the other floor to be able to break into any cars that were locked.  You watched, impressed, as you would hold his shotgun and he’d stick the bent wire into the slits of the windows and unlock the cars that he could. 

 

With the backpack that you grabbed from the store, you toss a few medical supplies and some tools inside that you could find in a few of the cars. 

 

Shane’s got his shotgun leaning against the passenger seat as he sits in the driver’s seat of a car he just unlocked.  You have one hand on the open driver’s door as you watch him lean over to open the glove compartment, searching for anything. 

 

He rifles through the glove compartment for a few minutes, then in the center console, finding nothing.  When he turns to you, you drop something in his lap.  When he looks at it, he realizes it’s the jeans you were wearing.   With a smug smirk, he looks up at you, your bare legs a welcome sight. 

 

All you do is quirk an eyebrow and he’s tossing your jeans into the passenger seat and starting to undo his belt and jeans, lifting his ass up to pull them down.  You’re stripping down the rest of the way, and chucking the items of clothing across Shane, to land next to your jeans as Shane grabs your thigh.

 

“Get in here girl,” he utters even though he knows you’re coming in. 

 

You bend down and throw your knee over his thigh, your upper body bent over him a bit as you move to close the driver’s door.  Sex or not, there’s still walkers possibly out there and Glenn if he happens to come looking for you.

 

Once you do, his hands on your hips are guiding you down until you’re sinking down on him, both of you audible at the pleasure of it.  Before you do anything else, you grab the hem of his t-shirt and lift it up, Shane lifting his arms a bit so you can pull it off him.  Tossing it to the side, you grasp his face and lean down as you pull his face to yours, kissing him deeply. 

 

It's your moves that are drawing the pleasure out of him and knowing that makes you want him even more.  His warm hands roam your body as one always stays on your hip, guiding you in some way.

 

As you keep a hand on his shoulder, his hand is cupping your breast, thumb brushing over its sensitive peak, then he slides his hand up higher until he’s cupping your cheek and drawing you down so he can kiss you quick.  As soon as he pulls away, his hand is smoothing over the curve of your ass or caressing your thigh.

 

Eventually you need to brace your hand against the ceiling of the car, to help you stay in control of the fast rolling of your hips against his.

 

You watch as his abs tighten intermittently as his own body is also getting close.  His teeth are scraping against your collarbone when your thighs start trembling. 

 

“Shane,” you gasp out and wrap your arm around his neck, hand burying in his hair at the back of his head.  You’re practically cuddling his head to your chest as you feel yourself so close.  Shane kisses your neck, softly encouraging, “That’s it. Come on, I’ve got ya.”

 

Being able to hear your moans this time around is an enjoyment all its own.  When you cry out his name as you release around him, it’s the sweetest sound he’s heard in a long time. 

 

You keep your hips moving for his sake, and when you can focus again, you kiss his jaw.  Any extra touch or kiss to enhance it for him. 

 

“Ah, shit, darlin’” he moans out as his grip on your hips tightens and you start to feel him pushing up into you a bit as you move. 

 

He’s staying close to you, stubbly cheek pressed against your mouth almost.  As you hold one side of his face, you press kisses along his jaw on the other side until you reach his ear.

 

Seductively low you can’t help but moan against his ear, “You feel so good.”

 

“Fuck,” he growls in arousal before his thighs stiffen underneath you and he holds your hips down against his. 

 

He leans back against the seat, breathing heavy as he watches you, with a smirk, lean forward to kiss him quick between breaths. 

 

When you pull away a short distance, he glances at your head before running a hand through your hair until his hand reaches the back of your head, then he’s pulling you forward to kiss you passionately.

 

With your hands braced against his chest, you pull away slowly and that almost smug smirk is gone from his face.  In its place is that same soft expression you saw last night in his tent.

 

“I meant what I said last night.  Wasn’t bullshit.”

 

“That wasn’t the only reason I thought of, it was just the safest,” you decide to quickly share too, referring to the question he asked you back at your tent.

 

And you see as he lets what you said sink in.  As he tilts his head and leans to the side a bit, like he sometimes does before he’s about to say something, he hits his head against the seatbelt holder.

 

“Goddamn it,” he winces as he leans forward.  He’d be pissed a bit longer if you weren’t softly laughing at him. 

 

He looks up to see you covering your big smile with one hand, your laughs barely muffled.  You have a look of humorous concern on as you touch his head where he hit it. 

 

And it hits him that this is the first time he’s seen you truly smile something real, and holy shit is it a beautiful sight.

 

Shane finds himself matching your smile as that’s all it makes him want to do.  He laughs with you, at himself, and the whole mood turns lighter. 

 

“Are you okay?” you manage to get out between your giggles.

 

Still with a smile on, “You think that’s funny?” and he leans forward, tickling your sides gently.

 

“No! Shane!” you laugh harder.  But he only does it for a few seconds before his arms wrap around you and his smile is against your cheek before he’s kissing it.  Then his chin is near your shoulder as he hugs you to his body, your chest pressed against his.  Wrapping your arms around his neck, you hug him back. 

 

“You gotta do me a favor,” he urges.

 

“What?”

 

“Darlin, you gotta let me see that smile more.  Shit, I’ll keep gettin’ hurt if that’s what it takes,” he jokes.

 

Embarrassed, you move your head so you can press your smile against his bare shoulder, trying to hide it when he says that first part.  Then after he tacks on that second part, you lift your face back up.

 

“Don’t get hurt. I promise I’ll let you see it more if you _don’t_ get hurt, okay?”  And though he can hear a grin in your tone, he can also sense a more serious bit to it too. 

 

You care what happens to him.  He knows that now. 

 

As he slowly pulls back from the hug, pressing kisses along your face as he leans back, he looks at you.  With a hand smoothing over your hair, he kisses you, “Okay.”

 

And then you give him a sweet smile as you grasp his face, “Are you okay though?” and gently you pull his head forward so you can kiss near the back of it where he hit it before letting him sit back up. 

 

If that wasn’t the cutest thing you just did. 

 

“Still has a bit of a sting to it, but I think you just made it better,” he teases you.

 

As you roll your eyes with a smirk, you hear the stairwell door open.  The click of the door echoing through the parking garage.

 

Instantly, Shane’s face turns hard and serious, looking in the direction of the door even though you’re in a car about twenty away from it.  Just as he’s about to have you move to the passenger seat to get dressed, you both hear Glenn’s voice.

 

“Guys??”

 

He loses the protective mode as soon as you hear it, instead looking at you with a smug grin. 

 

You glare at him and cover his mouth with your hand, “Quiet, Walsh,” you whisper a warning.

 

“Guys, you here??”

 

When you feel him smile under your palm, you can’t help but smile too.  His hand comes up and his thumb brushes over it, obviously happy to see it again so soon.

 

When you hear the click of the door again you remove your hand from his mouth and lean over to open the driver’s door, standing up outside the car, arms crossing over your chest on reflex. 

 

Shane grabs your clothes and hands them to you.  Quickly you get dressed as Shane pulls his pants back up, lifting his hips to pull them up and buckle his belt.  He grabs his gun and shirt and steps out of the car, leaning the gun against the car as he pulls his t-shirt back on.  He wipes his forehead with his forearm, and you throw your hair up in a ponytail, both of you sweaty from the ‘ride’. 

 

“We really should finish checking the cars,” you state.

 

He nods, “We’ll hit a few more then go looking for him.”


	7. Chapter 7

The next morning, everyone was packing up the vehicles. 

 

"Who you ridin' with?" Shane asks as he walks past you, carrying a heavy, plastic container. You watch as he slides it into the back of his Jeep. 

 

Just a shrug, "Figured the RV."

 

He takes his hat off to wipe his brow with his arm before placing it back on his head, "Seems they may be full already," nodding over to the group of five people standing outside of it, plus poor Jim who's laying inside with a walker bite.

 

You look at the group then turn to look at Shane, who's loading a duffel bag into the car now.

 

"So, what do you think I should do?" and he hears the slight tease of your tone before he turns to see your smirk.

 

"Well," and he walks over to you, not getting as close as he'd like because whatever you two have is still unknown to everyone, "Plenty of room to ride with me..." and without missing a beat, "...not like you haven't had the pleasure of doing that already."

 

Shane leans back against his vehicle, arms crossed against his chest as that shit-eating grin is on his face.

 

"Your pleasure too," you remind him playfully, though he doesn't need reminding.

 

And he looks almost proud of your snark as he keeps that grin on and gives a quick nod, "My pleasure, too" he agrees.

 

With a shake of your head, you walk towards him, "Fine," and you get into the passenger seat. Shane sucks on his bottom lip for a second before smirking and tapping the side of his car. Then he's pushing off the car and getting in himself. 

 

During the drive, with you and Shane taking up the rear of the convoy, he glances at you a couple times before asking. 

 

"Before I got that laugh out of you," he smiles at the memory, "You said it was the safest choice to assume that calling you gorgeous was just me bullshitin'. What'd you mean by that?"

 

Sighing, you run a hand through your hair that's blowing in the wind. Grabbing your only hair tie out of your pocket, you pull it into a low ponytail and look at him. 

 

"I just meant that...that it was better than the alternative," and you know that's still vague.

 

"The alternative bein' what? That I actually meant it?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"Why would that be such a bad thing?" he shrugs with his shoulder that's helping him control the steering wheel with one hand.

 

"Because...then that means they're feelings involved and feelings just...they make things complicated, especially now."

 

And he can't help but give a quick, sarcastic chuckle, "So better to avoid 'em all together?"

 

And you hear him as you look out at the world passing by. Closing your eyes in thought, you take a deep breath, then open them. Turning back to look at him.

 

"Okay. The bottom line is, if we care about each other than if anything were to happen to one of us, it would be complete hell for the other person to deal with," and he's looking between you and the road as he listens.

 

"So no feelings means no pain in the end," you finish. Sitting back in your seat, you just look out the windshield.

 

He's quiet for a minute, until he isn't. His words sincere.

 

"I care about you," he shares and you look at him, honestly a bit surprised. 

 

He looks at you, "And despite what shit you're trying to convince yourself, you care about me too."

 

He doesn't say it smugly, doesn't say it like you're stupid for not realizing it.  The way he says it is like he's gently letting you know something that maybe you didn't realize.  

 

But you've known the whole time. 

 

Looking at him, "I know I do." 

 

And he gives a small nod of understanding, but you see that hint of a smile on his lips, "Alright then."

 

It gets quiet for a couple minutes after that, both of you unsure of what to say.  This thing between you is stirring up more emotions than either of you are used to.  

 

You're grateful when Shane starts talking about his days as a Deputy, and honestly you find it pretty interesting.  He shares some of his craziest stories and you're so engaged in it that you're asking him questions which he seems more than happy to answer. 

 

After making one, sad stop to leave Jim on the side of the road alone, you're pulling up in front of the CDC.  

 

There's bodies all around, walkers meandering about.  And the CDC itself?  It's windows and doors are shuttered.  

 

"Oh my god," you mutter under your breath.  Shane shuts the car off and you feel the vehicle shake as he gets out, walking over to Rick who just got out of his own car up ahead.  

 

Slowly you step out, as does everyone else.  No one sure if there's any point to even make it through the walkers to approach the building. 

 

When Shane comes back, you can see how agitated he is.  He grabs his shotgun from the back of the Jeep and walks up to you, "Stay behind me, alright?" and he loads shotgun shells from his pocket into the weapon.

 

"Okay," you agree.  

 

As a group, Rick and Shane lead you all through the dead bodies and several walkers, with Daryl taking up the back, until you're all in front of the shuttered building.  Rick bangs on the metal shutters.  

 

Carol holds onto Sophia, "It's getting dark," she makes a point.  Lori agrees, "Rick we can't stay out here much longer." 

 

Shane's annoyance is turning into anger, "Rick, man, there ain't no one here!  Look, we leave now, we can start heading to Fort Benning, make it there by morning."

 

"Help us!" Rick shouts, "Please! We have children out here! Please, just help us!" 

 

"Rick! Goddamn it!" Shane shouts.  

 

Sophia starts crying and you start looking around, some walkers starting to turn their heads towards you all. 

 

Shane glances at you and follows your gaze to the walkers, some now heading your way. 

 

"We need to leave NOW!" Shane starts grabbing at Rick, pulling him back when the shuttered door starts to open.

 

\----

 

After dealing with the walkers, and bringing some stuff from the cars inside, everyone is now sitting around a table in the small cafeteria with the one doctor left behind who showed mercy for you all.

 

Wine was abundant and everyone couldn't have been happier.  Glenn was already starting to look red in the face from the alcohol.  You were drinking too, no way you would give up having a buzz after everything that's happened, but you were unsure just how much of a buzz would be smart.  By the looks of everyone, no one cared that Jenner was still ultimately a stranger; who knows what his intentions could be.  To make yourselves vulnerable by getting completely wasted didn't seem exactly smart to you.  

 

Sitting next to Shane, you found him quieter than usual. As Jenner spoke, Shane leaned on his elbows, hands clasped in the air.  He seemed to be slow on the drinking as well. With everyone's attention on drinking and laughing, you lean forward and sneak a hand onto his knee under the table, giving a reassuring squeeze before just gripping it lightly.  

 As you sip your wine casually with your other hand, Shane turns his head a bit, glancing at you before turning it back.  He leans back in his chair, one hand going under the table to find yours.  The warm, larger hand slides over your smaller one.  Turning your hand over underneath his, palm to palm, Shane's fingers lace with yours.  

 

His thumb strokes your knuckles, then with his other hand he's lightly tapping the tabletop before he speaks up, "So Doc, when you gonna tell us what happened here?"  

 

"Shane, not now," Rick warns, already buzzed himself.

 

"Why not? It's why we came here right?" He glances at Rick before looking at the doctor. 

 

Jenner proceeds to explain how many ran when things got real bad, and then also shared how some chose suicide instead of facing the new world. 

 

"You're such a buzzkill," a buzzed Glenn said to Shane. 

 

You shake your head, "He's only asking what we all claimed we wanted to know, right?  So now we do.  Your buzz is still strong Glenn, relax." 

 

Glenn gives a weak chuckle at that before drinking from his wine bottle again.  You feel Shane squeeze your hand in thanks, as everyone slowly goes back to talking and joking around. 

 

He lets your hand go and leans on his elbow as he turns to you, his other hand grabbing the back of your chair. He leans in a bit, but not too close, voice low, "Don't go gettin' too wasted yourself now," but he doesn't say it like a concerned parent, seems more like a suggestion.

 

"And why's that?" you sip your wine defiantly which makes him drop his head briefly with a soft chuckle as he rolls his eyes.  Lifting his head back up, he licks his lips quick before rubbing his chin briefly, "Just, trust me?"

 

Playfully glaring at him, you hesitantly agree, "Okay, fine. But it better be good, because I was actually contemplating going Glenn's route." 

 

He chuckles, "It'll be good," he smirks as he leans back into his chair. And that smirk gives him away, whether he realizes it or not. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahead!

Jenner takes everyone to their rooms, after already telling you all how each one has a bed and a shower with hot water.  As Shane's about to walk into one of the rooms, Rick calls to him, and you hear him ask for Shane's help carrying a drunk Daryl to one of the rooms.  Shane puts his stuff in his room and follows Rick down the hallway.  Smirking, you make you way to Shane's room and quickly go inside, finding what you're looking for, then heading back to your room unnoticed.

 

Not knowing what Shane's plans are, and unable to avoid the temptation of a hot shower, you head straight into the bathroom and do just that.  Never in your life has a shower felt so good.  You were in there for a good fifteen minutes, remembering Jenner saying not to use all the hot water, and then you step out.  Quickly you dry off and towel dry your hair. 

 

It's less than hour later when you hear two quick knocks on your door and you know it's got to be him.  When you open the door, you noticed his hair is damp, from a shower too. But then it's the big smirk on his face that catches your attention.  The smirk appearing when he takes in what you have on. 

 

Just a pair of panties and his blue button up shirt, that's just barely buttoned; the curves of your breasts visible.  

 

As quick as you open the door, Shane's stepping in and picking you up by your waist, "Damn, girl. Lookin' sexy as hell in my shirt," and you wrap your legs around his hips, as he uses his foot to nudge the door closed, your arms around his neck. 

 

"Figured if you had a surprise for me, I should have one for you," you kiss him.  He takes a seat on the bed's edge, situating you on his lap.  

 

He gently nibbles along your neck as his hands slide the hem of the shirt up a bit, "As much as I'm lovin' you in this, my surprise needs these to be off your body," he tells you.

 

"So then...undress me."

 

"Yes ma'am," he mumbles against the underside of your jaw where he's kissing you. Leaning your head back a bit, eyes closed, you feel as his hands start unbuttoning the rest of his shirt you're wearing. 

 

"Can I just ask, why couldn't we be drunk for this?"

 

Shane gets the shirt open and pulls back to look down at your body. Slowly he slides his hands inside the shirt, hands skimming the top of your breasts as they move onto your shoulders.

 

"'Cause..."

 

He pushes the fabric off your shoulders, you moving your arms to let it fall to the floor. Then Shane holds your back as he leans down and presses open-mouth, soft kisses along your chest and the soft flesh of your breasts. 

 

You hold onto his shoulders as your breathing quickens, watching his mouth move across your skin. 

 

Then he lifts his head and kisses you passionately, "...I want you to remember just exactly how good you're gonna feel," he says low. 

 

Shane stands up holding you and turns around to face the bed. Gently, he lays you down, then leans down to kiss you some more.

 

Again, his mouth starts moving lower. His stubble deliciously scrapes along your jaw as his lips glide to your neck.  Needing to see his body, you reach down to his back and start pulling the fabric of his shirt up until you're bunching it up as far as you can reach. 

 

Shane breathes a tiny laugh against your collarbone, then stands up and reaches behind his neck, grabbing the fabric and pulling it off, dropping it on the floor. Then he's crawling back over you. 

 

He goes back where he left off, mouth now trailing around each breast, slowly.  Hands are in his hair, as he takes one in his mouth briefly. The sensation of his tongue over your nipple causing you to arch your back, only pushing it further into his warm mouth. 

 

He's leaning on his forearm, his other hand gripping your waist.  When he pulls back, he gently teethes your nipple, letting it almost snap back into the mound of flesh. With a pleasurable hiss from you, he eyes you as he leans down and kisses it before repeating the same actions on your other one. 

 

The feeling makes you push your hips up into his lower abdomen. As he finishes loving on your breast, his kisses trail down the valley between them then branches out to underneath.  

 

The scrape of his stubble, and softness of his lips, underneath one side has you wiggling underneath him, a quiet giggle falling from your lips. 

 

Shane smirks and lifts his head, eyebrow raised.

 

Still reeling from the ticklish spot, you're grinning, "Be gentle," you tease, both referring to the spot and the newfound knowledge of it. 

 

"Mhm," he grumbles against your skin as his mouth attaches back to that spot. The tip of this tongue licks a short line and you're twisting underneath him but he's now holding you down. 

 

"Shane!" You gasp with a giggle.

 

He moves on, continuing down your body. Slowly, he pulls your panties down and now your body is buzzing with anticipation. 

 

After leaning back and pulling them off your legs, his hands slide under your ass and lift you up just a bit.  He pulls you down further and presses a curve of kisses right above your opening. 

 

He places your bottom half back down, then takes a knee on the floor, at the end of the bed. 

 

"Been wanting to taste you for a good while now," he drawls as he looks at you.

 

Blushing, you return his stare. Then he returns his focus to your body. Grabbing the back of your thighs from underneath, he spreads them more, placing kisses along the inside first. 

 

Already, it feels so good.  Just the feeling of that facial grit so close and his wet kisses moving closer and closer. 

 

"You couldn't look more ready for me," he says with such desire that you shiver.

 

Legs spread, he runs his hands over your inner thighs as his tongue darts out hitting between your legs, one quick lick. 

 

He looks at you across the plane of your body as you're leaning up on your elbows. That one taste already having you gasping. 

 

"Not too loud, girl, you hear?" He grins before his head dips back down and his tongue is licking slow as he takes his time to savor you.

 

Dropping off your elbows, head pushing back into the bed, you grab a fistful of sheets on either side. 

 

Shane stops to place sloppy kisses on each side before he's tasting you all over again. It feels like he's leaving no bit of your folds untouched. 

 

"God, Shane," you moan. 

 

His mouth fully attaches over your opening, tongue running over everything in sensually slow movements.  

 

Hips buck causing him to snake his arms under your thighs and hold them down more. 

 

When he pulls back, it's only to say, "You know how fucking sweet you taste? God damn, darlin'."

 

And again, he's right back between your thighs that he just spread open even more. 

 

Breathy moans, mixed with frequent gasps, are starting to leave you. You manage to lean up and grab a fistful of his hair, watching as he basically devours you. 

 

He pulls back and smirks as he quickly turns his face to leave a moist kiss on the inside of your forearm. Then you watch as he lets go of one thigh, but keeps it open by pressing his elbow against it. With his now free hand, he spreads your flesh open and finds that bundle of nerves with the tip of his tongue. 

 

"Fuck!" You gasp as you fall back on the bed, his hair now free from your grasp. Body arching and sheets being grabbed as you feel the beginnings of an orgasm starting. 

 

"Shane...oh my god..."

 

After tonguing the bud, he takes it in his mouth and the light sucking makes your thighs start trembling. 

 

"Yes...Shane, ohhh...."

 

"Just like that, come on, I want all of you sweetheart," he quickly says before returning to driving your body to climax. 

 

Body shaking with pleasure, thighs tightening under his grasp, your orgasm hits full speed. Every ounce of you Shane takes as he keeps his mouth savoring your sensitive flesh, until he feels your body relax and hears as you breathe fast to catch your breath. 

 

When he pulls back, he leaves a few suctioning kisses before fully standing up and crawling back over you.

 

Hand on your forehead, the other low on your stomach, you can't even move yet as you hear him praise, "Fuck, you're so good," then see him come into view.  

 

"Are you kidding me?" you breathe out, a grin on your face matching his. 

 

Shane's grin turns smug, "What? That good?" But he knows it was. 

 

"Shut up," you smirk as your hands slide into his hair, pulling him down for a passionate kiss. 

 

He lowers himself onto you, getting lost in kissing you.  You can feel him through the fabric of his cargo pants and you push up into him, him groaning into the kiss. 

 

Both of you filled with desire again, you mumble against his lips, "You need to get those off," then you reach down between your bodies and start undoing his belt, the end of his leather belt brushing your stomach as the cool metal of the buckle brushes the other side. 

 

Shane pushes up, pulling away from you, and again stands up. He kicks off his boots before unzipping his pants. 

 

You sit up and move onto your knees, then step onto the floor, Shane's actions slowing as he watches you. You put your hands over his and together push at his pants and underwear, letting them fall to the floor. 

 

With a smile, he slides a hand into your hair at the back of your head and grips your ass, pulling you forward as his mouth captures yours in a deep kiss.  You smile into it briefly as you spread your hand against his back, your other tenderly smoothing over his stubbly jaw. 

 

You manage to guide him backwards to the bed, until you push on his shoulders to sit down. 

 

You straddle his knees and sit on his lap, kissing his collarbone.  Running your hands back and forth from his hips to his lower stomach, you playfully bite his pec earning an aroused hiss from him. 

 

Then you move to your knees, kissing down his body until your hand wraps around him.  His groans do things to your own body, but now your focus is him. 

 

Shane runs a hand through your hair, "What are you doin’?" He asks almost shyly but the want evident. 

 

A sweep of your thumb, "You can't think only you wanted a taste?" 

 

His adam's apple bobs, eyes dark, as he leans forward and grabs your face kissing you quick. 

 

When he pulls away, you smirk as you work your tongue on him, Shane never taking his eyes off of you.  

 

As you take him in your mouth, the deep moans he makes drive you wild. They only push you to work him over more. 

 

"Ah, shit," he breathes.

 

You feel him gather your hair into one hand, holding it away from your face, then he's caressing your cheek.  

 

As your head bobs, he leans back on his hands as he feels his body starting to succumb.

 

"Fuckin'...shit..." he shudders as your warm tongue feels so good. 

 

A couple more minutes of pleasure before you feel him jerk and now it's your turn to do the tasting. 

 

As soon as he's finished, and you're pulling off, he's leaning forward and kissing you.  Without breaking from it, you start to stand up.  Shane pulls away and grabs your thighs, lifting you up, getting a short squeal of surprise from you. 

 

"That mouth, fuck, girl," he groans happily. 

 

"Mmm," you kiss him as he kneels onto the bed, with you still wrapped around him, "Something you like?" 

 

"Somethin' I like?" he repeats with a grin, "Somethin' I fuckin' crave," as he kisses you hungrily. 

 

He lays you down and gently settles his weight on you. Arms wrapped around his torso, hands caressing his tight, tan skin, your legs loosen from his hips, but stay framing them.

 

He kisses you deep, hand massaging over your breast before skimming down your side.  

 

At some point, the kissing turns less roughly passionate, to soft and loving. 

 

He takes his time, and his caresses are less desperate and more focused. 

 

Slowly, he pulls away and he leans up, looking between your bodies as he grabs himself and guides himself into you. 

 

You wrap your legs around him to pull him in more as he settles back on top of you. 

 

He starts a slow rhythm, thrusting gently as his kisses fill you with a warmth you haven't felt in a long time. 

 

Your fingers slide into his hair, massaging sweetly as he kisses your neck. 

 

His tone is different than it's been all night, "Most beautiful woman I've ever seen. Swear to god."

 

Even when his thrusts start getting quicker, the way he looks at you is different, the way you touch him is different, and it becomes quite obvious to both of you that it isn't sex anymore.  What you two do is make love. 

 

\-----

 

Shane's arm is under your head, your fingers laced with his at your shoulder, as you both look up at the ceiling. 

 

"Favorite color?" He turns his head to look at you.

 

"Yellow, but a bright yellow," you smile then turn to look at him. He grins and leans over to kiss your forehead. 

 

"You?"

 

"Blue."

 

For the past few minutes, you two decided to ask some questions to get to know each other more. Realizing that the only things you knew were from what you've seen of each other these past few months.

 

"Longest relationship?" You ask.

 

"Uh," he thinks, "Two and a half years." 

 

"Four," you share your own answer. 

 

Shane looks at you, "Yeah? What happened?" 

 

"Found out he was cheating on me," and he feels you give a tiny shrug. 

 

Shane turns onto his side, leaning on his elbow as he looks down at you, "What a dumb shit. Was he blind and deaf? That's the only way that makes sense."

 

It makes you laugh and you shake your head. Hearing your laugh, makes him smile and he cups your cheek, kissing you.

 

"What happened with yours?" 

 

Shane caresses your cheek, "Relationship was movin' too slow for her likin'." 

 

You give a little nod, as you let go of his hand to grasp his face and pull him down for another kiss. 

 

As your lips move from his, he smooths your hair back. Then he's settling back down next to you, on his side facing you. You move to face him and his big hand lays on your cheek. His thumb brushes below your lips as his palm covers your jaw.

 

"Why are we hidin' this? Us? Whatever we're doin'."

 

Gently you wrap your hand around the wrist of the hand on your cheek, holding it still as you turn into his touch, pressing a kiss to his palm. 

 

"I'm not entirely sure," you admit. Then you slide your hand up, your smaller thumb covering his larger one, and your kiss his finger tip before facing him again, "I like it though, despite how stupid the reason sounds," you blush.

 

Shane's hand moves to your back and pulls you flush against him, "Try me."

 

With a small sigh, "I don't know, it's just that...the whole world has gone to complete shit. Even the group isn't easy to deal with really, you know that," you quietly urge. 

 

Shane listens, a small nod in agreement to that last part. He can't help but kiss your cheek as you continue.

 

"But you...this...thing we have. For me at least, this is easy. It's the bright spot in these god awful days," and you see the hint of a grin of his face, "Having it to ourselves? Just, no one can ruin it. Weigh it down with stupid comments," and the way your brows knit together in emotion makes his heart hurt a little, "or...or try to change it somehow," you give a little shake of your head in frustration at the thought. 

 

He rubs your back and you realize you might as well just finish your thought, you've already admitted more than you thought you would. 

 

"I just don't want us to go the same route as the world has because...it's the only good thing I have going right now," you blush a bit, hoping that your big mouth hasn't screwed this up. 

 

Relief only hits you when a soft smirk appears on his face. But he doesn't say anything. 

 

Still a bit embarrassed, you whine quietly, "What?" 

 

He chuckles softly and leans in, "That was far from stupid," and he kisses you quick. 

 

"You're not mad? I figured you asked because it bothers you."

 

"Only thing that bothers me is that I can't touch you every second of the day. But what you said just now, I get it," now it's your turn to smile, "Bein' with you is probably the best feelin’ I've had in a long time...and I'm talkin' even before all the hell that's gone on." 

 

"Shane," you whisper in disbelief, a soft smile still at your lips.

 

"It's not bullshit, so don't even ask," he teases you. 

 

Playfully you roll your eyes which makes him playfully nip at your neck getting a laugh out of you. 

 

Then he's looking at you again, more serious, "What you said though, you sayin' there is an us here?"

 

Blushing, you just look at him before you say softly, "I think so. I mean, I wouldn't mind it."

 

"Yeah...neither would I," he smirks. You kiss him softly and feel the exhaustion hit you from the whole day and the night full of lust and love. 

 

Normally you two never sleep through the night together in fear of being caught. But you're in a new location tonight and things are...different now. 

 

"Maybe you don't have to leave tonight," you suggest as you nuzzle his jaw, pressing a kiss. 

 

His hand holds the back of your head, "Maybe I don't," he replies before kissing you. 

 

And he stays. Your bodies never straying far from each other.


	9. Chapter 9

The first to wake, is you. Your leg is draped over his, your arm across his chest with your hand on his shoulder.  Lifting your head, you place your chin on his chest and look at him as he sleeps so peacefully.  Your body aches deliciously in certain spots from the night before and you smirk as you remember just how good he made you feel; a thankful nod to him for making sure you didn't get drunk. 

 

Slowly, you lean up a bit to see how relaxed his face is.  You don't know how he sleeps normally, never being able to be with him throughout, but you wonder if it has anything to do with you.  The stress that he goes through, you all go through, daily makes you so pleased that he can at least find rest at some point. You hear just a little movement in the hallway, not much, and figure you two better start getting up so to not arouse suspicion. 

 

You slide your hand from his shoulder, to his neck, grasping gently.  You press a light kiss to the corner of his mouth, then another one midway on his jawline.  When you get to his ear, you kiss the skin below before nibbling gently on his earlobe, kisses in between.  

 

A soft rumble from his chest you hear first, then you feel his arm around your body tighten.  He moves his other arm to grab your thigh and pull it up more on his waist.  You move to look at his face and watch as he keeps his eyes closed. 

 

"Why'd you stop?" he sleepily asks. 

 

And you can't help but give a quiet laugh at that before softly saying, "Because I want you to kiss me."

 

At that, he opens his eyes and smiles at you, the arm around you moves so his hand grasps the back of your neck, "C'mere" he whispers as he pulls you down to him. 

 

Grabbing his chin tenderly, you give a tiny smile against his lips as he kisses you so good.  

 

While kissing, you slowly move until you're straddling his waist, his hands now running up and down your thighs.  

 

You lean down, grasping his face as you pull away just enough to look at him, "Good morning."

 

Shane sits up, you sliding a tiny bit more into his lap at his movements.  You wrap your arms around his neck loosely as his hands roam your thighs and ass.  Then they slide up your sides, thumbs brushing the curves of your breasts before he's sliding his arms around you.  He kisses your cheek, your hand sliding into his hair.  

 

"Best morning," he mumbles against your jaw. 

 

Smiling, you softly repeat his sentiment, "Best morning," you agree. 

 

You look at him, and kiss him sweetly before kissing his forehead.  As he dips his head down to let you, he kisses your collarbone.  

 

Shane brings a hand up to smooth over your hair then brings it to your cheek, thumb brushing your cheekbone. He has a small grin on his face as you watch his eyes scan all around your face. 

 

"You're making me self-conscious when you do that," you blush with a teasing smirk.

 

"Believe me, sweetheart, you ain't have anythin' to be self-conscious about," he says while his eyes still admire your beauty.  Then his eyes finally land on yours, "Can't blame a guy for lookin' at something so beautiful."

 

You groan quietly and hug him, "You say it so sweet," you almost complain.

 

He laughs as he rubs your back, "How you want me sayin' it? Mean?"

 

"No," you kiss his neck, then lean back to look at him, "It's just...so nice. I can't help but not believe it." 

 

"Not this again," he mumbles, then his hands are on your face, making you look at him, "I'm gonna tell ya somethin' and I need ya to listen," you can't help but smirk at his seriousness and give a small nod.

 

Shane continues, "I ain't ever sayin' that because I think you want to hear it or...or because you think I'm lookin' for somethin' from ya.  Honest to god, you are absolutely beautiful and I could stare all day at you," then he smirks, "but you'd probably punch me if I did," and you laugh at that, "But just know that, okay? And I'm gonna be sayin' it a lot 'cause I can't help it, so get used to it." 

 

"Okay," you blush.

 

"Okay," Shane grins, then his hands are sliding down your back.  

 

"You know, you're pretty cute yourself. Handsome even," you share with a grin, kissing him. 

 

"Am I now?" He smirks after you pull away, "Comin' from you, hell that's some compliment." 

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" you raise a brow waiting for his answer.

 

"You used to tell me that I scared the shit out of everybody, now here ya are, naked and on top of me, telling me I'm handsome," and his smirk turns smug, "Hell of a twist I'll tell ya that."

 

"Oh my god," you lean your head back briefly, "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you, look at you," and you're smiling as you say it because he knows what he's doing.

 

"What?" he laughs.

 

"So smug," you brush your thumb across his bottom lip, your tone still light.  Shane chuckles and kisses you. 

 

He grips your thighs and moves to the edge of the bed, then stands up with you still around him.

 

"What are you doing?" you have one arm around his neck, the other on his jaw. 

 

"We got time for a quick shower," he says as he walks towards the bathroom.

 

And as it ended up, also a quickie.

 

You joined the group before Shane did.  Everyone settling into the same seats as the night before.  T-Dogg made everyone eggs and by the grace of god, they had actual coffee available.

 

After Shane grabs himself a cup of coffee, T-Dogg hands him a plate and he sits down next to you.  Like two kids, you two exchange a quick glance with small smiles before looking away.  Finishing your cup of coffee, Shane grabs it and stands up, holding his own, and goes to get more.

 

As Jenner walks in, Dale asks him what exactly can he tell them about what's happened to the world. Shane sits back down, placing your coffee in front of you, and you both listen to Jenner as he explains how he has something he can show you all that would explain everything.  When everyone finishes with breakfast, you all follow Jenner into the main control room.  

 

It's there that he shows you all a video of the infection as it takes over an unknown subject's body.  As it plays, he narrates what you all are seeing.  It's terrifying to actually watch this...this infection, run rampant in the body. 

 

Dale's the one to then ask about the giant timer on the wall, the one that has an hour left on its counter.  And the answer to that question, is worse than the video.  Jenner explains how that's how long until the generators shut down and when Rick has the computer explain what that means, it sounds anything but good. 

 

Shane, Rick, and the men head into the basement to see if they can fix the problem before time runs out all while Jenner walks out of the room.  Everyone is panicking, including yourself.  Decontamination is what the computer called it, but what the hell is that exactly?

 

The guys come back with no solution in sight, and Jenner returns shortly after they do.  When pressed on what exactly decontamination means, he calmly explains that it means the air will catch fire and the building will explode.  And now you know, this man has come to terms with dying long before any of you came along.

 

Shutting you all inside with him, terror fills the room.  People are yelling, the kids are crying, and its sheer chaos as everyone tries to get the door open to leave.  Daryl and Shane are using axes to no avail and then T-Dogg takes over.

  

Lori is huddled with Carl, Sophia, and Carol, all in shock and all in tears.

 

"We didn't even want to come here," you whisper to yourself first, then you're shouting it.

 

"We didn't even want to come here, Rick!" and you shove him, surprising him.  

 

As you go to throw punches, Shane comes up behind you.  One arm around your waist, and one arm holding your arms down as he picks you up and moves you away, Rick going back to pleading with Jenner. 

 

Shane puts you down and his hands quickly hold your face, "Hey!" 

 

"No, Shane!" you say in anger, but then your face falls.  Fear and panic taking over, "We didn't even want to come here, remember?!" you almost plead, tears forming.  Then you're shoving him too, "He made us come here! He's killed us!" 

 

Shane lets you go to immediately pull you against his chest, hugging you to keep you still, "We ain't dyin' here! Okay? We're gettin' out somehow!"

 

Gently you push him away and now Carol's crying to Jenner that her daughter doesn't deserve to die like this. Then Shane's looking at you, anger back in his face, "We're gettin' the hell out of here," and he walks past you.  

 

Shane grabs his shotgun, pumping it and sticks it against Jenner's face as Rick yells at him to stop. Threatening him to open the door, Jenner doesn't listen.  But Rick is shouting to Shane that if he does that, we'll never leave.

  

With a fierce roar, Shane aims the shotgun to the side and fires several rounds into the computers.  With more pleading, Rick somehow convinces Jenner to let you all go.  The door opens and Shane's pushing your back, "Go! Go now!"  With only four minutes to get out, you're all running except Jacqui who decides to stay with Jenner.

 

Once in the lobby, another obstacle to try to leave.  Again, Shane's shooting and Daryl and T-Dogg are using the axes.  

 

Nothing.

  

Carol gives Rick a grenade she swiped from him the first day he was at the quarry.  With no other options, Rick shouts for you all to get back. Just as Rick pulls the pin and lets the handle go, Shane grabs you and pushes you against a wall, his body against yours to shield you.

  

The blast was enough to break the glass.  With only several seconds to go, everyone is scrambling out of the window and running back to the cars.  

 

It's the rumble in the ground you all feel first, then Shane's grabbing you again and crouching with you behind the Jeep as the giant explosion rips through the building, shaking the ground all around you.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter was based off this deleted scene from TWD 2x01
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DtTvIMhrZS4

After a couple hours of driving it's decided, over the radios, to stop up ahead at a nursing home for the night.  There doesn't seem to be any signs of life in the area so it seems like a safe decision for now. 

 

Once everyone piles out, and the men take out the few walkers near the side entrance, you all head inside.  Shane, Rick, and the guys clear out the building while the rest of you barricade the entrance with nearby beds and furniture.

 

Everyone heads into the cafeteria where bodies of the residents are laying around.  As you look at the bodies, you notice something disturbing about them. Slowly backing up, your heels bump into another body on the floor making you jump, only for you to bump into a live body behind you. 

 

Shane's arm juts out and wraps an arm around your waist, "Woah, hey," he says quietly as you turn around to face him, "It's okay."  He slowly pulls his arm back, hand stopping on your hip as he sees you keep looking down at the bodies.

 

"Shane," you whisper, eyes still drawn to the floor, "Look at them."

 

Shane glances down at a couple of them, "They're dead. Ain't nothin' to worry about." 

 

"They were shot in the head.  When was the last time a walker could do that?" You look at him. 

 

Shane looks down again and sees it now.  Every dead body has a single bullet wound to the head and none of those laying on the ground had been walkers when they were put down. 

 

Both of you share a look before you hear Daryl getting loud at Andrea.  And he's sharing the same observation that you two made.  These people were executed, not overrun by walkers. 

 

"Who’s to say they don't come back?" Carol asks fearfully.

 

"Seems like they took everything they could carry.  Doubt they'll be comin' back," Rick answers.

 

"Rick, what's the plan?" Shane looks to his friend.

 

"We'll stay upstairs, just to be safe. We'll check every room, see if they left anything behind."

 

"Yeah, alright. We'll check the kitchen back there," Shane gestures to you.  Together, you walk to the back of the cafeteria and through a door into the kitchen.  As planned, you both start rummaging through every cupboard and every drawer.  

 

"You're still pissed at him," Shane states as you both look around.

 

"Yup," you reply curtly.

 

"Even though he's the one that got Jenner to open the door?" He raises a brow as he glances at you before continuing to look.

 

Stopping, you turn to face him and fold your arms across your chest, "What are you doing? Why are you defending him?"

 

"Look," he stops to face you, "I ain't happy either, okay? But I gotta give credit where it's due.  Rick managed to talk some sense into the man, somethin' he's always been good at.  He didn't know that's what was gonna happen when we went there."

 

"So, what? You want me to go kiss his feet?  Thank him over and over for leading us into hell and then by some grain of luck, out of it?"

 

He shakes his head with a quick, breathy chuckle, "That's not what I'm sayin'..."

 

You can't help but cut him off, "I know he's your best friend, but..." and you shake your head, starting over with what you're trying to say, "I know I've been giving you hell since day one, and I'm not saying you didn't deserve it each time," and you slowly walk towards him as you explain yourself, "But at least you made decisions, Shane. Rick, he-he just thinks out loud and after some sort of circling chatter ends up at some decision that ultimately you and I both know isn't usually the smartest one."

 

"Yeah, well," he runs a hand down his stubbled cheek, "The rest of the group usually thinks so."

 

With a sigh, "I know," you touch his forearm, "Do you trust him?"

 

Shane licks his lips and glances to the side before looking back at you, "I trust him with my life.  But as a leader for this group?  I'm still not sure."

 

"Well shouldn't those go hand in hand at this point?" you gently question, but you aren't really looking for an answer.

  

Shane just hangs his head in thought for a second before looking at you, "Yeah, probably."

 

You take a step forward to close the small space between you and touch his cheek before kissing him.  With your hand still on his jaw, he kisses your forehead.

 

"We better get back," you step away and grab the can of beans you found, holding it up, "You?"

 

He shakes his head, "Nothin'," but you see him perk up a bit, "But I do have those snacks I swiped from the CDC. Better than just splitting that between eleven people," he gestures to the can you're holding.

 

Meeting back up with the group upstairs, Rick only found some Tylenol and a bag of cough drops.  When Sophia asks if any water was found, Shane pulls out the one water bottle he stole and opens it up, passing it to her.  A few sips for each person since it needs to last for who knows how long. 

 

Shane then passes out the snack sized bags of chips he had in his backpack, Glenn giving everyone a paper plate to use, with a small portion of the beans.  Dale, the father figure he is, makes sure Andrea and T-Dog has a plate.

  

It's quiet as everyone slowly eats, until Glenn speaks up.  Saddened by what we've seen, he just asks how anyone could murder these helpless people and steal everything.  Sophia and Carl are clearly getting upset and you nudge Glenn, whispering to keep quiet.  Rick and Shane call the men out into the hallway shortly after.

  

When they come back in several minutes later, they announce how everyone's going to try and get some sleep.  Shift duties being split amongst the men.  Everyone tries their best to settle in, some laying down on the cold, concrete floor and some leaning back against the wall.  Shane lays down and unsurprisingly, he falls asleep rather quickly.  You could see before how exhausted he was.  Tucking your arm under your head, you lay down and manage to fall asleep too. 

 

Shane gets up when T-Dog nudges his foot, Shane having promised to relieve him in an hour's time. With a nod, he rubs his face and stands up, grabbing his shotgun he had propped against the wall.  T-Dog immediately settles into Shane's spot on the floor, arms crossing tight against his chest as he rolls onto his side. 

 

Shane glances at you, sees you're sleeping though your knitted brows show it's not a relaxing slumber.  He quietly leaves the room and goes to sit at the top of the staircase, keeping watch for the rest of the night.  

 

At some point, you wake up and everyone is still asleep.  T-Dog is now where Shane was, which means he's on watch.  Quietly, you stand up and leave the room.

  

You see the back of him, sitting on the top step.  His shotgun is propped up against one shoulder and one leg is sticking straight down the stairs while he leans on his other leg, bent at the knee.  He hears footsteps, so you watch as he turns his head around.  When he sees it's you a soft smile appears, followed by "Hey" no louder than a slight whisper.

 

He moves over to allow you to sit next to him on the top step, which you do.  Thighs pressed against one another, you prop your elbow on your knee and lean your chin on your hand as you look at him.  Shane kisses your forehead as he drapes his arm between your legs, hand resting on your shin.

 

"Can't sleep anymore?"

 

You sit up a bit, dropping your arm to instead slowly run your hand up and down his forearm resting against your inner thigh, "All I want to do is sleep."  And he knows what you mean without you having to explain any further.  All of you could sleep for days at this point, but when you know you're not safe, it's not easy to do. 

 

A comfortable silence sets in.  Shane bends his leg and he accidentally nudges your leg.  Breaking your stare from looking down the darkened staircase, you look at him.  He turns his head to look at you and he closes his eyes briefly when you run your hand through his hair at the side of his head before kissing his cheek.    

 

"You know how bad I wish I could take you out?" He asks.

 

And it takes you a minute to realize what he's talking about because the worlds been so different for too long, "Like a date?" you ask with a small smile.

 

"Yeah, like a date," he confirms with a grin.

 

When he gets so cute like this, you wonder why you couldn't see it sooner. 

 

"And where does Shane Walsh take the ladies?" you nudge into him playfully. 

 

With a smirk that says you busted him, he raises his eyebrows before glancing at you, "Yeah well, normally I'm takin' them to some bar. I've never dated a woman as smart as you," he looks at you almost shyly, "so that's usually good enough for them. But I wouldn't take you there," and normally you'd think that was just a line if it was coming from anyone else, but Shane you can read. And he's being honest.

 

"Where would you take me?"

 

And he turns his body a bit to face you more, getting a little bit more into this scenario, "There's this real nice place off of High Street, type a place Rick would take Lori on their anniversary, some French place. Never felt anyone was worth takin' there. But you I'd wanna take."

 

You rub his knee, "To try to impress me?" You smirk.

 

"Hell yeah," he admits as he chuckles softly looking down almost bashfully.

 

Tenderly you grab his chin and lift his face so you can kiss him good, "You're so cute," and the small smile in response makes your heart beat faster. Then you narrow your gaze playfully, "But I'd ask to leave before we even ordered."

 

As the confusion shows up on his face, you continue. Letting his chin go, you rest your hand in the crook of his elbow, "We aren't fancy French restaurant people," and he laughs quietly because it's true, he's not, "So I'd lean over and ask if you'd care if we ditched this place and go get some burgers or something," and your small laugh is so cute.

 

Shane slides his warm hand onto your cheek and kisses you softly.  When he pulls away, he barely does at all, his face still close. 

 

"I'd tell you that I'd take you wherever you wanted to go," he says low and almost huskily. It's so warm between you two, so comfortable. The tip of his nose brushes with yours causing you to blush.

 

You slide your hand from his knee to his thigh and feel like you can't stop smiling. Keeping your voice low, matching his, you ask, "Even to a diner? You in your suit.." then you slide your hand into his open shirt, caressing his chest, "...though I'd tell you it's okay to lose the tie."

 

A small giggle escapes when you hear him mutter, "Thank god," in reply.

 

His lips barely brush over the corner of your lips as you keep talking, "...and me in the new dress I bought just for our date."

 

"Oh yeah?" His breath sweeps over your cupid's bow as he places a sweet kiss on your nose, thumb stroking your cheek. His eyes crinkle as the corners of his mouth pull up more at your little confession.

 

"Mm," you hum in response, getting lost in his touches.

 

"We'd be the best lookin' couple there," he breathes before kissing you again. It's so soft and tender, and when he pulled away your lips stay with his until the last second. 

 

"And my chances of getting a second date?" He raises a brow as he smirks, kissing your cheek. 

 

The hand on his chest, moves to his neck. Keeping your lips a hair from his, you seductively answer, "Oh, very, very good."

 

Shane kisses you, nice and slow.  And you can feel yourself getting lost in him.  But reality strikes you and you gently push his chest away, both of you breaking from the kiss in an almost daze. 

 

"Keep that up and I'd show you the new lingerie I bought for the date too," you tease before kissing his cheek. But he tenderly grabs the back of your neck and shifts his kisses there too. 

 

" _Shane_ ," you half whisper, half whine as your eyes fall closed. 

 

"I know," he breathes against your neck before leaving one more kiss behind then looking at you as you open your eyes. He's on watch but the only thing he can't tear his eyes away from is you. 

 

"I better go back. Distracted you enough," you give a small smile, "See you in a few hours," you say as you lean in and kiss him. 

 

Slowly, you pull away, not truly wanting to leave.

 

"One more," he whispers with a cute grin.

 

And with a smile, you kiss him once more. 


	11. Chapter 11

Everyone is stopped on the highway after being on the road for the past half hour.  The RV broke down again, though thankfully among a group of abandoned cars.  As Glenn and Shane check for usable parts from the cars, everyone else is checking the cars for supplies and food. 

 

You've meandered down a bit, figuring you'll check the cars at the end first and work your way back. 

 

Rick looks through the scope of his rifle and makes out a hoard of walkers heading into the vehicular graveyard.

 

Rick signals to everyone to get down causing Shane to look around for you.  He spots you down near the end, oblivious to what's happening. 

 

"Shit!" he curses under his breath. Looking back at the hoard moving through, he runs through the cars towards you. 

 

"Down! Now!" You hear Shane quietly shout and you look up to see him pointing to the ground, a look of urgency on his face. 

 

Seeing what's coming, you quickly drop and shimmy under the truck you were just looking in. Shane's quickly joining you, laying his shotgun next to him. 

 

Looking out from under there, you both watch as the feet of the herd come closer, the growls louder.

 

It’s only the second time you’ve really been this close to so many walkers at once, the first time being when you encountered the attack at the camp after coming back from getting the guns with Rick.

 

Both of you on your stomachs, Shane’s leg moves over yours.  Looking at him, he shifts a bit more until he’s halfway on you, his hand on the back of your head.  With a quick kiss pressed to your hair, it’s not hard to realize that he’s covering you best he can to protect you. 

 

Within minutes, the feet and growls are all around you.  They’re so close that the shuffling sends some pebbles bouncing under the car and against your skin.  You keep your forehead pressed to your hands that are flat on the ground in front of you, your eyes squeezed shut as you hope that you both come out of this alive.  Shane’s arm across your back holds you tight, his head turning left and right to keep an eye on all sides.

 

Once the herd passes, Shane gets out from the under the car, wiping the sweat from his head with his forearm.  He stays crouched, one hand on his shotgun, the other extended out to you.  You take his hand as you make your way out and stand up with him.

 

Not even realizing it, Shane’s hand stays wrapped around yours as you both make your way back to the group where there seems to be a commotion.  Hands falling away from each other as you get closer, you come to find out Sophia took off into the woods with Rick right behind her.

 

Understandably, Carol is beyond distraught.  Lori comforts her as everyone waits for them to come back.  

 

"Should we go after them?" you whisper to Shane, just assuming more people is better than one. 

 

Shane looks towards the woods, "Nah, Rick...Rick'll find her, bring 'er back," than he looks at you and gives a tiny nod, though his tone gives him away as being unsure himself.

 

He was wrong.

 

Rick came back thinking Sophia came back on her own.  Carol's anguished cries are heartbreaking.  And it goes without saying how horrible you all feel; a 12-year old girl is out there alone, a member of your group.

 

In a way, you've all failed.

  

The men all go back out with Rick to try and retrace their steps, plus with Daryl's tracking skills, there's a good chance they'll find her.

 

It's about an hour later when just Shane and Glenn come back.  You give him a questioning look, but he doesn't react.  Shane announces how Rick and Daryl found her trail and while they continue searching the rest of the group should keep scavenging. 

 

Shane asks you to help him move cars and as you walk next to him, he shares low, "The trail ran cold. They're lookin' where they can, but...I don't know. I got a bad feelin'." 

 

Sophia's been with you all for months, from the beginning back at the quarry.  The thought that she's possibly gone, lost or - otherwise, is beyond unimaginable. 

 

You grab his arm, stopping him. 

 

"Then we gotta get out there too, help them," he hears the urgency in your fast speech, sees the fidgety movements as you speak, "I'll find a flashlight, one of these cars has to have one..." your head turning to look at the stretch of cars in front of you. 

 

A hand on your shoulder, "Hey, hey," he soothes, "It's gonna be too dark soon. Too risky havin' us all out there. They don't come back with her tonight then tomorrow, first thing, bunch of us'll go."

 

Nodding, you feel an overwhelming sense of loss over it, "She's just a kid," you share the obvious with grief. 

 

"I know. We're gonna do everythin' we can to find 'er. You know that." 

 

\---

 

Rick and Daryl couldn't find her. So as Shane said, the next day everyone gathered up supplies to set off as a search party.

 

Andrea went to Dale wanting her father's gun back. Dale, afraid of her suicidal thoughts as he deemed it, wouldn't give it back to her. 

 

Everyone is standing off in different spots, but everyone can hear their heated discussion.

 

"He should let her have it," you share quietly with Shane, whose standing next to you, shotgun resting on one shoulder.

 

"We don't need anyone inexperienced carryin' a weapon. Ain't smart, ain't safe."

 

"Her father gave it to her, it's hers to have. Whose Dale, or you even, to say she can't have what's hers?" 

 

He shakes his head with a tight, quick smirk, as he looks to the distance, before looking at you again.

 

"Say she fires at the wrong time? Whole herd comes down on us, that argument still stand?" He dips his head where you catch a glimpse of a quick narrow gaze, "Well, _it was hers_?"

 

How can you be so annoyed and so turned on by one man in one moment? 

 

"Maybe she just wants it as a comfort thing.  Remember who gave it to her, how she's never going to see him again. Maybe she just wants a piece of home, of family, with her.  Doesn't necessarily mean she's going to use it," you argue.

 

His eyes soften a bit at that, you see it.  But he still says, "Don't mean myself or anyone else is willin' to take that risk."

 

With a quiet, frustrated groan, "God, you're such a...a heathen!"

 

Shane's face changes, a small smile popping up as he chuckles quietly.  The humor only makes you more aggravated at him and he knows that. Only makes it funnier to him. 

 

"See I told you," he says.

 

"Told me what?" you ask annoyed.

 

"You're the smartest woman I've been with.  Anyone else would've just called me an asshole," he's still smirking, "But _heathen_..." he repeats with approval, "...well that's a new one."

  

If you show any sign of a smile, he's won.  You just stare at him before moving to walk away, but a strong arm around your waist pulls you back against a hard body and instantly, the small smirk comes out of you.  

 

Shane's lips brush the shell of your ear, "I promise I'll at least talk to 'er, see where her head's at."

 

Your hand lays over his briefly, his fingers toying with yours, and you nod.  It's a quick kiss to your ear, followed by a whispered "Saw the smirk, girl", that has you blushing as he lets you go and walks in front of you to join the group.  A quick grin thrown over his shoulder at you before you're jogging to catch up, everyone heading into the woods to search for Sophia.


	12. Chapter 12

Searching for a few hours turns up nothing. Not even one possible clue as to where she could be.  As everyone gathers around to discuss what's next, church bells are heard.

 

Instantly everyone is running towards the sound.  Sophia.  She's either there or she hears them too!

 

"Rick, this ain't it, man. It ain't got no steeple," Shane shares as you all look across at a small Baptist church, the bells having stopped ringing as you all ran through the woods.

 

Just like that, the bells sound again, obviously coming from this steeple-less church.  Together you all run over to it, Glenn rounding the corner following the sound of the bells to a speaker attached to the roof. With frustration, he rips the wires out to end the recording. 

 

"She could still be inside!" Carol exclaims in a mix of grief and hope.

 

Walking up the few stairs, Rick and Shane push open the doors. Sitting in the pews are four walkers, all who turn at the commotion and stand up growling.  

 

Lori hands Rick her machete-style weapon as Glenn hands Shane his.  Along with the two of them, you and Daryl also enter the church, each of you taking out a walker.  

 

With no Sophia in sight, Rick shouts her name in obvious frustration.  Carol starts crying at yet another dead end to finding her only child.  

 

Shane, now with his shotgun in hand, walks to a door near the altar and opens it, aiming his gun inside, finding nothing.  You see him give Rick a quick shake of his head. 

 

Leaning back against the wall, your eyes tear up for Carol's loss. To distract yourself, you start wiping the blood splatter off your arms with your shirt.  You see a pair of black boots appear as you're looking down.  Shane props his shotgun against the wall and untucks his shirt.  Lifting it up halfway, you look at him confused until he says "Here," and using the hem of his shirt, wipes some splatter from your cheek that you didn't even know was there. 

 

"Thanks."

 

He nods and tucks his shirt back in. As he leans down to pick up his gun, he squeezes your hip in reassurance.

 

You squeeze his forearm in return before he's walking away to head outside.  Lori sits with Carol in the front pew, consoling her as Carol pleads to the statue of Jesus.

 

Outside, as Rick and Glenn check the surrounding perimeter for any signs of the little girl, Shane stands guard at the stairs.  Andrea approaches him from her spot at the side of the church.

 

"Shane," she starts, getting him to turn around.

 

Figuring it's about her gun still, he turns and preps for a possible argument. 

 

"What are the chances you want to split from the group? Grab one of those cars back there and just start out on our own?"

 

It's the last thing he expected for her to ask. 

 

"What're you talkin' about?"

 

Andrea's shoulders drop in desperation, "Look, I don't know if you've seen how the group really is, but I have. What I see is two people," motioning between her and Shane, "who are clearly outcasts here. I know you've felt like that ever since Rick showed up and took over. And I don't belong here either."

 

Shane shifts on his feet. Andrea isn't completely wrong, but he also would never leave the group without you.  He cares too much about you now to ever leave you behind.  

 

"Yeah, well, you ain't seein' things right."

 

Andrea just gives a small smirk at his half-truth, "You have skills that I don't. But I could help you as much as you could help me," then you walk out of the church and she glances at you, "Just think about it."

 

You see Andrea walk away from Shane as you walk down the stairs and over to him.

 

"About her gun?" Shane hears you ask next to him.

 

"Not exactly," he answers as his finger taps the trigger guard of his gun.  

 

Before you can question his answer, Rick returns with Glenn and everyone gathers outside.

 

With a hand on the small of your back, Shane walks over with you to the join the gathering.  Rick then walks off to the side, motioning to Shane to join him.

 

They’re too far to be able to read their lips so you just glance their way until Shane starts heading over, Rick slow behind him. 

 

“Alright, listen up.  Rick and I are goin’ to stick ‘round here and search a little longer. Y’all start headin’ back to the road before it gets too dark.  We’ll meet y’all there soon as we’re done.”

 

Carl immediately asks to stay with the two men, stating how Sophia was his friend and he wants to do right by her.  It makes you smile a little, this little boy trying to be as brave as the two men in front of him.  Lori surprisingly agrees. 

 

Rick walks over to Lori who kisses him and shares some quiet words with him - you can’t help but glance at Shane.  Part of you wants to show him that kind of affection before he leaves, but the other part of you is still uncertain about risking your happy bubble with him to burst so publicly. 

 

Shane glances at the ground, and into the woods, waiting for his friend to say goodbye to his wife.  He turns when he hears you say his name from right next to him.  Turning, you take him by surprise when you wrap your arms around his neck and hug him.

 

He brings a hesitant hand to hover at the back of your head for a couple seconds before he finally cradles it, a quiet sigh leaving his body.  Then you feel his hand move to your back as he gives it a small rub.

 

“Just…be careful,” as you pull back. 

 

With a small, cute grin, “Yes ma’am. You too, yeah?”

 

Nodding, you give him a quick smile before joining back with the group. 

 

\---

 

This was the last thing the group needed.  While the group was searching while heading back to the road, a woman came riding up on a horse shouting for ‘Lori Grimes’.  The news she had wasn’t good.

 

Carl had been shot. 

 

Lori mounted the horse and took off.  The unknown woman gave quick directions to her family’s farm for the rest of you to follow.  High-tailing it back to the highway, it’s quickly decided to split the group up.  With Carol refusing to leave in case Sophia comes back, it’s decided only you, Glenn, and T-Dog are to head to the farm.  Once there, you found a pale looking Rick, along with Lori, Shane, and a couple strangers outside standing on the porch of a white farmhouse. 

 

The oldest man, Hershel, was explaining how he’s going to need medical supplies to even attempt to save Carl’s life.  Lori cries into Rick’s shoulder when the other strange man, Otis, chimes in that the nearby high school should have some from an old FEMA shelter that was set up there when the outbreak first started.  Shane, unsurprisingly, said he would go; he just needed a map and a list of supplies.  Otis, being a volunteer EMT and wanting to do right by Carl, said he was going to with him. 

 

The Grimes’ thank Shane before heading back inside to sit by Carl’s bedside.  Hershel and Otis head inside to get a list ready. 

 

Shane runs a hand through his hair and spots you standing by the trunk of Carol’s car, watching him.  He walks over to you, you can see how in shock he still is.  Instantly, you two embrace and he’s pressing his cheek to your temple as he holds you tight. 

 

When you both step back, you caress his cheek.  He’s so sweaty - from the Georgia heat, from running to the farm behind Rick, from adrenaline.  Running your fingers through his damp hair at the side of his head, you notice the slight tilt of his head into your touch.

 

With one child missing, to have the only other child in your group now so seriously injured, your nerves are on fire, but you try to keep your voice as calm as possible, for Shane.

 

“He’ll be okay, right?  That man seems like he’s confident to do the surgery once he has those supplies,” you’re aware you’re talking a little fast, “God, how bad was it? What even happened?”

 

He still looks in shock, he steps back from you to run his hands down his face, “I don’t know…I…I don’t know,” he shakes his head but you aren’t sure of which question he’s answering with that.

 

“We were just walking through and – and there was a deer just standin’ there right in front of us.  He – he – uh, Carl…he started walkin’ over to it, real slow like, and the damn thing didn’t even run,” and he lets out a breath that in happier times would have been a genuine chuckle.

 

“All three of us, just standin’ there real still.  Next thing we know, a shot rings out, Carl’s flat on his back with a hole in his belly,” and tears spring to his eyes as he looks at you with slightly wide eyes as it seems to just hit him all over again.  “Gunshot went clean through the deer and into Carl.  That – that man, Otis, he did it.  Said he was just huntin’ the deer, he couldn’t even see us on the other side.”

 

Hands on his hips, Shane stares at the ground for a beat, before shaking his head again, “I fuckin’ let my guard down.  I was point man, I should have fuckin’ saw him!  Goddamn it!” and he stomps his boot before running a hand through his hair quick. 

 

“No! Don’t you do that to yourself. Don’t you even dare!” you grab his arm to still him and he looks at you.  “It was an accident, plain and simple, you hear me?  You said it yourself, that man couldn’t even see you three from how far back you know he probably was.  So just stop – you are not to blame.”

 

“You weren’t there,” he weakly tries to argue your point.

 

“And I don’t have to be to know that you couldn’t have done anything different.  Neither could have Rick.  You both were trying to let a kid just be a kid for a damn minute.”

 

He moves into your space finally, and gently cradles your face, looking at you.  He strokes your cheeks before kissing your forehead. 

 

Holding his wrists, you take a breath, “This supply run -,” you swallow before quietly asking, “What do I do if you don’t come back?” 

 

You heard that man Otis say how last time he saw the school it was completely overrun by walkers.  Two people against who knows how many walkers.  The odds are shit to begin with.

 

The breath catches in his throat when he hears you ask him that.  No one’s given a shit about him since Rick found you all; sure, he’s gotten a thanks a couple times but no one’s made him feel as important as you just have.

 

His thumb strokes your cheek, before his hands move to your shoulders, “Don’t think like that, come on.  I’m gonna come back. I promise you that,” and despite how nervous he’s feeling he doesn’t want you worrying too much, “And if I don’t, then I’m just gonna have to come back and haunt your ass,” he adds to try and make you smile, even just a little.  He doesn’t want you worrying over him.

 

It doesn’t get a smile out of you.  The only thing it gets is a light shove to his torso, “This isn’t funny.  You can’t make a promise like that!” and you end up raising your voice a little as your emotions get to you at the thought of losing him.

 

Shane furrows his brow at your reaction before he’s pulling you into a hug again, shushing you briefly in reassurance.

 

“Hey, okay, okay.  Look, if I don’t…,” he clears his throat, “You just keep doin’ what ya have been, okay? You survive.  And you do whatever it takes to make sure you do.”

 

Gripping onto him, you nod slowly against his shoulder.   He rubs your back, and turns his face more towards your ear, “…also you make sure you get my shirts. I don’t want Rick wearin’ ‘em. You look a hell of a lot better in ‘em,” he can’t help but try to joke again. 

 

The jerk gets a small smile out of you that he sees when you instantly pull back and push his shoulder, “I hate you,” you shake your head at him still making a joke out of it.

 

“No, you don’t,” he grins, rubbing your arm.

 

Your smile slowly disappears as your heart hurts, you grip the fabric of his shirt by his stomach and glance at your fist before looking at him, “I don’t, far from it.” 

 

And the way you say that, makes his own heart ache.  It’s the closest you’ve ever come to telling him that you love him. 

 

He doesn’t even think, he just cups your cheek and kisses you.  Even though you’re aware of where you are, the part of you that is fearful of a life without him just accepts it.  When he pulls away, he presses a lingering kiss to your forehead. 

 

Both of you snap out of this little moment when Otis says Shane’s name.  Looking, you spot several of the new strangers looking at you and Shane, causing your face to heat up a bit.  Thankfully Rick and Lori were inside with Carl, but Glen and T-dog still witnessed the affection.  Shane just rubs the back of his neck, before nodding at Otis and grabbing his shotgun from the porch. 

 

You watch as the two of them drive off in a blue pickup truck.  You hop up on the hood of Carol’s car as Glenn sits T-Dog on the steps, then heads inside to see if he could get him any help for the laceration he got on his arm back on the highway.

 

You watch the truck drive away until it’s completely out of sight.

 

\---

 

It’s been hours.  The sun’s long gone down.

 

Otis said the school was only five miles away, so why aren’t they back yet?  The only reason why that you can fathom is one where they aren’t coming back.

 

Everyone is sitting around in the living room of the house, just waiting.  It’s getting too close for comfort in terms of Carl’s care as well.

 

When tires are heard driving up outside, everyone practically jumps up, including yourself. 

 

Heading outside, Shane pulls up in the blue pickup truck.  Just Shane, no Otis.

 

Shane gets out with a noticeable limp and the two packs they left with.  When asked where Otis is, he just shakes his head. 

 

It’s agreed to not tell Otis’ wife Patricia until after the surgery, and people start heading back inside.  You hear as Shane explains to Rick what happened with Otis, ending with Rick hugging his best friend in gratitude.

 

When Rick walks back inside, it leaves you and Shane alone. 

 

Tears in his eyes, shock on his face, sweat on his brow. Just like he was when telling you about Carl.

 

You walk up to him and his arms are already reaching for you before you’re even close enough to hug him.

 

The sweat makes his hair feel slick as you grip the back of his head, his face burying into your neck.  He leans back against the front of the truck as he pulls you forward a bit to move with him. 

 

When you let him go, and lean back to look at him, you brush his hair back and kiss his forehead. 

 

“Let’s get you inside,” is all you say before he’s putting his arm around your shoulders and you’re helping him into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the scene of Shane shaving his head is a real thirst scene, which is why I feel obligated to mention that I'm not going to be writing it in. It will still have happened, Shane will still have shaved his head, but "off-screen" if you will lol. It's being neglected for storytelling purposes.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter than usual so I hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Also, we're back to the smut people! Explicit smut to be exact ;)

It’s different seeing Shane with a shaved head.  Sometimes you look right past him as you look for the Shane with a head of hair.  But you’re getting used to it.  He doesn’t look bad, that’s for sure. 

 

That first night no one slept, what with Carl’s surgery and Otis’ death.  The next morning the rest of the group arrived, bringing with it all your supplies.   

 

Hershel had allowed you all to set up camp a few feet from the front of his house, in a small clearing surrounded by trees.  A few of you are gathered around a map splayed out on the hood of a car figuring out a way to set up a grid search for Sophia.  It’s as you all are figuring this out that Hershel informs you that he does not want anyone to be armed while on his property.

 

Shane scoffs and shakes his head in obvious disagreement.  Rick looks a bit stunned.

 

“What about Shane and Rick? They carried for a living,” you ask the older man.

 

Shane glances at you with pride before looking to the man for his answer.

 

“I understand that, but still, I would feel better if no one had any.”

 

Rick just nods, “Alright.  Your property, your rules.”

 

You look at Shane in disbelief, and his expression is hard, not at all happy.  With annoyance, he unholsters his service weapon and places it on the hood of the car.   After deciding that with Shane’s injury and  Rick’s weak state from donating blood to his son, the only person left to search for Sophia right now is Daryl.  You’re good with a knife, and just as you moved your hand to raise it to offer to go with him, you felt Shane’s hand cover yours, stopping you.  When you looked at him, he let you go, but turned into you in order to whisper, “Just stay here this time.  It’s a new place, and I’d prefer if I were out there when you were.”

 

You give him a quick nod.  To be honest, you’d feel better having Shane out there over Daryl. 

 

So as Daryl leaves to search, the rest of you disperse to take care of other things.

 

Shane shows Andrea how to clean her gun as he cleans the rest of the weapons the group has despite no one being allowed to use them.  You help Lori hang up laundry on the makeshift clothesline she hung up, which happens to be just a few feet from Shane and Andrea.   

 

A short time later, T-Dog and Dale come jogging over, talking about a walker in the well they were trying to get water from.  Shane overhears with Andrea, and now all of you are heading back over to the well to see what’s going on. 

 

A huge, bloated walker is stuck at the bottom of the well.  To stop any contamination, it’s decided that someone needs to be lowered down the well to throw a noose over the walker’s neck so he can be pulled up and out.  Everyone looks to Glenn and you notice right away that he’s visibly nervous and not really thrilled at being the chosen one.

 

“I’ll do it,” you pipe up.

 

Glenn instantly feels bad and starts stuttering that it’s fine and that he’ll go, but you can still tell he doesn’t want to. 

 

“You always have all the fun,” you smirk to ease his concerns, “It’s my turn.”

 

Glenn gives an appreciative nod but Shane’s been staring at you since you volunteered. 

 

T-Dogg goes to get some rope and Shane heads over to you, but you put a hand up, “Don’t start.  Glenn’s always being forced to do shit like this, let someone else do it.  If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t have volunteered.”

 

“Oh, I know that,” he remarks, “But just ‘cause you want to doesn’t make it any less stupid.”

 

Shane regrets his choice of words the second he sees the anger on your face but he’s still annoyed.  It’s his fear of losing you somehow that has him acting like this, not that he doesn’t think you’re capable.

 

What makes it worse is that you don’t even come back at him with anything like you normally would.  Instead, you purposefully shove into him as you walk past him, towards T-Dog who’s come back with the rope.

 

Shane rubs the back of his head feverishly with his palm for a few seconds before following you over to the group.  With Shane’s knowledge of knots, he’s back to standing in front of you as he ties the rope tight around your waist.  You just look down, watching his hands work, ignoring everything else about his presence.

 

“You want us to pull ya up, you just give a holler, okay?” He says as his tongue sticks out a bit as he ties the knots. 

 

“Sure,” you reply shortly.

 

With his eyes on the rope, he just shakes his head at your attitude.  His heart feels like it’s about to pound out of his chest as he finishes with the knot and the two of you head over to the edge of the well.

 

You sit on the edge, feet dangling in, and Shane reluctantly leaves you to stand in line with the others, picking up the rope. 

 

Slowly, they lower the rope and you creep closer to the snarling, bloated walker who is reaching up for you.  With a hold on the noose, you keep glancing down waiting for when you are close enough to attempt to lasso the damn thing.

 

Before you know it, the slack on the rope loosens considerably and you hear a commotion of some sort up above.  The snarls of the walker echo in the well and you feel like you stop breathing as you feel yourself falling.

 

The water pump they were using for leverage broke off.  Shane feels like he’s having a heart attack the second he sees it fling towards the well.  He dives for it, just missing it, only to have T-Dog dive and grab it, pushing his feet against the edge of the well to keep himself from going over.  Everyone else was grabbing onto to T-Dog to keep him in place.

 

Shane hears nothing from the well.  No shouting to pull you up.  No crying of fear.  Nothing.

 

On all fours, Shane scrambles to the edge of the well, holding his breath, until he looks over the edge.

 

There you are, with your legs and arms spread wide pushing against the sides of the well to hold yourself up.  The walker just barely touching you.

 

Breathing heavy, you look up to see Shane’s worried, but slightly relieved face.

 

“You all good up there?”  you can’t help but quip, a nervous grin showing up on your face.

 

He hangs his head with a quick breath of a relieved laugh, “Yeah, yeah we’re good.  Baby, we’re getting’ ya outta there.”

 

Despite the situation, you take notice to the pet name he just used on you.  It’s the first time he’s called you ‘baby’. 

 

He disappears out of sight, and the next thing you feel is being pulled back up. 

 

As soon as you get to the surface, you’re pushing yourself up and out, falling onto your back to gather yourself from what just happened.  Shane’s on a knee next to you, running his hands down your legs looking for bites or scratches. 

 

“I’m okay,” you urge.

 

“Looks like we’re back to square one,” Dale sighs.

 

“Says you,” you smirk and you hold up the rope that’s still in your hand, the one whose other end is looped around the walker’s neck.

 

As the group takes the rope, Shane’s untying the knot from your waist. 

 

“The water pump broke loose,” he’s starting to explain what happened, “Seein’ it go past me, then not hearin’ anythin’ from you,” he shakes his head as he pulls the rope off and helps you to your feet. 

 

“And the last thing you would have said to me was that I was stupid,” you reply softly, still hurt.  You walk past him before he can reply, and you pick up the rope with the group.  Shane follows and is first in line, grabbing the rope.  Together, everyone pulls until the walker comes into view, only for his body to literally split in half, the other half falling into the water, officially contaminating it.

 

As you head towards the house, holding your palm up due to a cut you got from the well, Shane jogs after you. 

 

“Hey,” and he gets in front of you, but once he sees your hand, his attention changes to that, “Shit, come on, I’ll help ya take care of that.”

 

“I’m fine, thanks,” you say before trying to go around him.

 

“Goddamn it,” he mutters before he’s picking you up over his shoulder and walking to the house.

 

“Are you serious right now? Put me down! Your ankle, Shane!”

 

“Not a chance, darlin’.  Ya ain’t gonna listen to me otherwise,” and he walks into the house, straight up to the bathroom where he remembered seeing band aids and such.

 

He puts you down, closing the bathroom door behind him. 

 

You hand is starting to really sting so you just stay quiet as Shane gently takes your wrist and washes the blood off under the running water of the sink. 

 

“You know I didn’t mean it, right?” He asks quietly as he puts a band aid over the cut on your palm.  Then he’s looking at you, “I’m sorry.”

 

“Still hurt all the same,” and you do want to be mad but you also know that Shane doesn’t think you’re stupid.  He’d be treating you a lot different this whole time if he did.

 

“I know,” he says embarrassed, “Shit, I just…” and he’s glancing between the floor and your eyes, sometimes tilting his head at certain words, all the things he does when he’s uncomfortable in a sense, in what he’s sharing, “…I mean danglin’ you in front of a walker? That plan in and of itself is what was stupid. Not you.”

 

“But not stupid if Glenn did it?” you counter, not understanding his point exactly.

 

“Well I ain’t in love with Glenn, so no,” he shoots out, then seems to realize what he just shared.  Nervously, he rubs the back of his neck as he glances at the floor again, then meets your eyes. 

 

At his admission, you seem to be unable to find any words for a few seconds, instead just looking at him with softness, but you’re also feeling a bit panicked.

 

“What?” you ask and the way you ask is quieter than you mean to.

 

Shane sees the almost wide-eyed look you have on and he worries he just screwed this up. 

 

“Nothing. I, uh, I wasn’t…” and then he goes quiet as he looks at you.  Then, he gives a quick shake of his head and starts over.

 

“No, fuck it,” he says low, then he’s stepping in front of you, “Shit girl,” he cups your cheek and his voice is softer, “I’m in love with you,” he says with a happy sigh, “I ain’t gonna hide it from ya, so there it is.”

Tears filled your eyes while he admitted his new feelings, but you weren’t sure if they were happy or not. 

 

There’s a quick, small shake of your head, “No, how could you…how could you know that?” you ask softly at first, then you find your voice, “It’s just a heavy like, or lust even, not love. You can’t know that.”

 

Shane’s brows knit together as he hears you, he takes a step back, hand dropping from your face.

 

“What’ya mean I can’t know that?” he questions in disbelief, “I can’t know how I feel about you?”

 

“You can’t love me,” you state.

 

“And why not?” he questions, almost annoyed.

 

“Because,” you wipe some tears away, “That makes this…real.”

 

Shane’s hands move to his hips, “Real?” he narrows his gaze at you for a second then he gives his lips a quick lick, “What are you sayin’? That this whole thing has just been bullshit?”

 

“No, that’s not true!”

 

“So what then?”

 

You walk up to him and place your hands on his torso, “This isn’t bullshit to me, Shane, you know that. I’m just…I’m scared!” you finally admit out loud, “Okay?”

 

The features of his face soften and he moves his arms to slowly wrap around you, “I remember what you said back at the CDC, and I know what you meant.  Every day is shit; the uncertainties, the constant hell of life now,” and you just listen as he continues, “But all I know is that bein’ with you is the best part of each day. You’re who I think about first now, who I want to be near every second.  That’s how I know I love you.  I understand that what we have here is just too good to mix with the everyday shit, but I don’t know how much longer I can take.”

 

“You’re giving up on us?” you ask with concern.  You’re scared of the seriousness of this, of ruining this with him, but you still want to be with him.

 

“Never,” he answers with a small smile, his hand moving to cup your cheek, “I just mean that one of these days I’m going to kiss you good, girl, in front of everyone, because not being able to touch you for most of the day is driving me crazy,” he smirks.

 

And you can’t help but smile at him, and he kisses you in return.

 

“I’m sorry,” you share, “Everything’s so different now, and being with you is so incredible, that when things start growing into something even better, part of me just expects the other shoe to drop somehow. And if anything happened to you…” you start to say, swallowing a lump that instantly forms in your throat, “…It’d be unimaginable, Shane,” you let out a quiet, small gasp of a sob. 

 

“Baby, you got nothin’ to be sorry for,” his thumb wipes some of your tears away, “I promise you I understand.”

 

With a small voice, you can’t help but tell him, “I like hearing you call me that.  Feels right,” you offer with a blushing grin. 

 

Shane smiles before kissing you again, “Feels right sayin’ it.”

 

The kissing becomes more passionate and Shane’s gently pushing you back against the door.

 

“With the tents so close, we can’t be sneaking to each other at night anymore,” you quickly utter in disappointment between kisses.

 

“We’ll have to get more creative,” he answers equally as fast.

 

“Good,” and you tilt your head as his lips move to your neck, “Because the CDC was days ago,” and believe him, you don’t need to remind him.  He’s been thinking of your body and the moans he got out of you for days. 

 

The bulge in his pants gets caressed by you over the fabric of his cargo pants, “I want you so bad,” you breathe. 

 

Shane groans in arousal into your neck, “Feel like going for a ride?”

 

“Are you hitting on me or are you actually asking?” you tease with a laugh.

 

He lifts his head with a smirk before kissing you deeply, “Both. I have an idea to drive away from here for a little bit.”

 

“God, yes,” you moan.

 

“Fuck, you can’t moan that to me, otherwise I’m taking you right here but we’ve been in here for a bit already,” he palms your ass.

 

With one more passionate kiss, you break away from each other and head back outside.  Shane lets Rick know that he’s taking you to go scope out places to use for shooting practice for everyone. 

 

As soon as Shane drives away from the house, you’re dying for him to pull over so you can have him.

 

When he does pull over a couple miles away, both of you are instantly losing your clothes.

 

Just seeing him so hard has you wetter than before.  You move over the center console, Shane’s hands on you supporting you as you move.  Finally, over his lap, you grab his length and line it up with your opening before sinking down on him.

 

Leaning your head back slightly, you moan out, “Oh my god,” having missed the feeling of him inside of you. 

 

Shane grips your hips as he groans in pleasure at having your warm walls surrounding him again.

Slowly, you just circle your hips at first, teasing both of you.  He runs his tongue up between your breasts before leaving sloppy kisses along your collarbone. 

 

Goosebumps erupt along your skin at his touches.  Not wanting to wait anymore, you start bouncing your hips, sliding yourself up and down his shaft, letting the pleasure start building up.  Shane reaches up and each hand cups a breast as you move.  His thumbs caress your already hard nipples before his mouth is sucking on one.  The warmth of his tongue does amazing things to your body.

 

His shaved head leaves you with nothing to grab onto, but you run your hand over the soft hairs, and grip the back of his head as his teeth scrape your sensitive peaks before his lips pucker over them as he pulls away with a low ‘pop’.

 

He looks up at you and his hand finds your jaw, pulling you down then he’s kissing you so good, his tongue finding yours.  As his lips move against yours, his hand moves to your back as his other slides along your thigh. 

 

“I want you to fuck me,” you breathe.  Having him slam into you is what you’ve been craving. 

 

“Yes ma’am,” he moans, and he grabs your hips to hold you steady as he starts slamming up into you, pulling you down at the same time to give you the deepest and hardest penetration he can give you right now in this position.

 

“Oh fuck!” you throw your head back in satisfaction, “Yes! _Fuck_ , just like that,” you moan, hands gripping his shoulders.

 

With your breasts bouncing from his actions, he shoves his face into them, kissing and licking your cleavage.  The growl from his groan feels so good against your chest.  He leans back and looks down, watching as he slams up into you.

 

As his fingertips dig harder into your hips, the veins in his neck are straining more than before, “You’re so good, baby” he says as you can tell he’s close.  You slide your hands across his shoulders, up his neck to cup his face as you give him a passionate kiss, then moaning against his mouth. 

 

“Ah _fuck_!” he growls then groans into your mouth as you kiss him again, as his orgasm hits; you feel him push into you and still for a second.  Feeling him twitch inside of you is such a welcome sensation.

 

His actions slow a bit as his body relaxes some from his release, you take over bouncing again, “I’m close.”

 

Unexpectedly, you suddenly grip his shoulder and the back of his head when you feel his thumb start rubbing your clit as you ride him. 

 

“Shane, fuck!” you moan at the new sensation.

 

“Like that?” he smirks knowingly, his thumb still moving. 

 

The moans leaving your mouth are more frequent and getting faster by the second.  Shane starts moving his thumb feverishly as your thighs start trembling.

 

“Cum for me, sweetheart.  Let me see you,” he urges as his calloused pad of his thumb feels like heaven.

 

“Oh my god,” you start gripping him harder. 

 

“Baby, come on, you’re so close,” Shane breathes, loving watching you like this.

 

Your whole body starts trembling and your moans are frequent at his point, “Shane…” you cry out as you feel your orgasm teetering on the edge. 

 

He never wavers as he rubs your clit and soon enough you let out a loud “Oh my god!” your body tightening as Shane drives your orgasm to the surface. 

 

Feeling your walls tighten and release repeatedly around him has him moaning in pleasure again.

 

Shane reaches over your shoulder and gathers your hair in his hand, as he places his other on your lower back.

 

“You know how fuckin’ beautiful you look when you lose it like that?” he asks with an aroused rumble.

 

Bracing yourself against his body as your own enjoys the after effects of your release, you move your hands to grab his face and lean forward, lips crashing into his hungrily. 

 

Strong hands run up your sides, thumbs pushing against the underside of your breasts as he kisses you back just as passionately.

 

As his tongue slips between your lips, you push up on your knees just enough until you feel him sliding out of you, then you lower your butt back to his lap. 

 

Shane pulls away and keeps an arm around your waist then looks down between the door and the seat, reaching with his other hand.  You have an arm loosely around his neck, and run your other hand over his shaved head. 

 

The next thing you know the back of the seat is falling all the way back and Shane grins as he leans back, pulling you on top of him. 

 

“What are you doing?” you giggle, shifting your legs to fit comfortably between his as your breasts press against his hard chest.

 

Shane has an arm around your back, hand caressing your rear and back of your thigh as his other hand is on the back of your head, fingers weaved into your hair as his fingertips move against your scalp here and there.

 

You rest your arm on his shoulder, and rest your cheek on your arm.  With your other hand, you rest it against his jaw as he turns his head to look at you.

 

“I wanna hold you,” and as he’s talking, you run your thumb along the edge of his bottom lip, watching his soft, brown eyes, “Don’t know when I might get you like this again.”

 

You kiss him, and it’s more tender than just a minute ago; you feel as his hand grips your head gently, pulling you into him more. When you both pull away, you both settle back into each other.

 

“You make me feel safe,” you quietly and randomly share, and Shane turns his head to look at you, “No matter how many times we might disagree on things, I always feel safe when you’re around.”

 

He gently massages your head quick before kissing your forehead, “That’s what I want,” he almost sighs in relief, “’Cause you know I ain’t gonna let anythin’ happen to you, right?” 

 

And you do.  Easily you could argue, say how you can take care of yourself and you don’t need him looking out for you, and even if it might be true, so is what he just said.  Shane would protect you with his life.  Nothing makes you doubt that.

 

“I know,” you nuzzle his jaw with your nose, before laying your head back down.  A soft, lingering kiss is pressed to your hairline as his fingertip gently massage the back of your head.  The soothing feel of it causes you to close your eyes, your hand tucking itself under his arm, underneath his shoulder blade. 

 

The way your stomach presses against his slower than before, paired with the lack of movement, indicates to him that you’ve fallen asleep.  Your face is tucked so sweetly against his jaw, and the light trail of his fingertips up and down your back doesn’t even register enough for you to wake up, as he continues the caresses.

 

Sleep is a luxury nowadays.  It’s not possible for everyone to do, depending on their location and what they may have done that now haunt their dreams.  The group is lucky to be on the farm right now, and to have enough people to have someone on watch, but still, sleep doesn’t come easy. 

 

For that reason, he’s determined to let you relax and rest up. 

 

When you do open your eyes again, you lift your head slowly only to have Shane run a hand through your hair with a small grin.

 

“Oh my god,” you blink, “how long was I asleep?”

 

Shane rubs your back, “Only ‘bout fifteen minutes.”

 

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

 

“You can’t honestly be apologizin’ for havin’ you naked and layin’ on top of me,” he smirks.

 

Playfully you roll your eyes with a grin, then push on his chest as you move to sit up, “If we’re out here too long, someone may come looking for us,” you remind him.

 

He sighs, “I know,” and as you climb back to the passenger seat, starting to get dressed again, Shane sits up, righting the back of the seat, “Just wanted you to get some sleep where you can.”

 

You just finish pulling your shirt back on when you hear him say that, and when your head surfaces from the fabric, you look at him as he starts pulling his pants up.  He just told you he loved you today, but you’re still amazed at how much he cares for you.

 

He feels your hand on his forearm and looks to see you leaning over to him.

 

“Thank you,” you softly say before kissing him.  There’s hesitation to pull away from each other, both of you so enamored with the other that even separating from a kiss seems like too much.  When you do start to back away, he gently grasps your chin.

 

“Hey now, not so fast,” he teases softly, then pulls you back to kiss you so slow and tender that you get light headed.  Both of you don’t open your eyes right away when it’s over, instead noses nudging against each other lovingly.  He kisses your forehead and then you both slowly pull away, resuming getting dressed. 

 

He reaches behind to the floor of the backseat and picks up his shotgun and his baseball cap, then steps out of the car.  As you step out too, he’s pulling the navy Police cap onto his head.   Together, with Shane leading by a couple steps, you two head into the woods looking for some land to hold shooting practice.

 

“We shouldn’t go too far.  You heard Hershel, if you walk too much on your ankle you’re gonna do more harm than good,” you follow Shane as he ducks under a low hanging branch, you doing the same.

 

“The limpin’ just makes it look worse than it is.”

 

“Nice try, Walsh,” you don’t buy it for a second, “When we go back, I drive and you elevate that ankle.”

 

“You’re real bossy, ya know that?” He teases.

 

“Please,” you smirk and walk in front of him, turning around to face him, “Shane Walsh secretly loves being bossed around,” you say low as you move into him.

 

He licks his lips and smirks, “What makes ya say that?”

 

“Because,” you press a light kiss to his jaw, “You did as I said in the car just before,” and you press another kiss to the corner of his mouth that has quirked up into a smirk, “And when I tell you to kiss me-,” but before you can finish your sentence, Shane interrupts.

 

An arm around your waist pulls you against his chest as he huskily says with a grin, “-I ask you, where?” and he dips his head to kiss the base of your throat, before moving to under your ear.  With a quick bite of your lip, you’re gently pushing him back.

 

“Don’t start somethin’ you can’t finish, darlin’” he grins, it only getting bigger when you blush at his words.

 

He kisses your temple and gives your butt a tap before you’re both continuing on, finally coming across a clearing with a wooden fence cutting across.

 

“This’ll work out real nice,” Shane says as he limps over to the fence post.

 

“You think once we all learn, Hershel’ll let us have the guns back?” You ask as you walk over and hop up onto the fence, feet resting on the second piece of wood below. 

 

Shane gives a breath of a laugh as he rests his shotgun against the fence, then wraps his arms around you, standing between your legs. 

 

“Hard to say.  See, Rick is tryin’ to play the good guy still; not cause any waves.  He’s lettin’ common courtesy get in the way of our safety, and in this world…common courtesy gets you nowhere anymore.”

 

“I mean, it _is_ his land that he’s letting us stay on so I can understand not wanting to get us kicked out, but it’s not like we came in with guns a blazing.  We’re not going to just start shooting him and his family like maniacs,” you shake your head with frustration and you miss the way that Shane swallows slightly, a quick glance to the ground. 

 

“Yeah,” he agrees a bit quieter than before.

 

You give a gentle tug of his collar, “Hey, you okay?” Then you move your hand to his jaw and you feel him lean into it slightly.

 

“Yeah,” and he gives you a small smile to help prove his words, “Yeah, I’m good.”

 

With a small nod, you rub his jaw before dropping your hand to grip onto his belt, keeping him close.

 

“Shane, what happened at the hospital? With Rick.”

 

You’ve heard a few times just about how he put his ear to his chest and heard nothing, along with a vague statement of how crazy it was. Then that night at the quarry where you two kissed for the first time, he mentioned something about things exploding.  Now that you’re alone, no mood to spoil, you can finally ask him.

 

He just stares at you for a couple seconds before he hangs his head momentarily before lifting it up to look at you, “It ain’t good.”

 

“I figured that,” you say gently.

 

Shane then proceeds to tell you everything.  How as soon as evacuation orders were given and things were so obviously going to shit, he left straight from work to get Rick.  How he got confused by the machines and wires hooked up to him, didn’t know the right thing to do.  The fact that he saw military personnel massacring seemingly healthy people right there in the hallway.  And it all led to how the explosion that rocked the building took out the power and how this sweet man in front of you, body pumping with adrenaline and fear, truly believed that he did not hear a heartbeat. 

 

“Like I said, had I heard one, I would never of left ‘im,” and he shakes his head as he looks down.

 

In awe is the simplest way to explain how you felt after hearing what he went through.  The media didn’t show that and none of you had even seen such a thing, normal people being murdered right in front of you.  And you can tell from his words how torn up he was about getting it wrong with Rick.  Who could blame him?

 

You duck your head down, under the brim of his hat, and you press your lips to his.  As you kiss him, you guide his face back up with your own. 

 

“What are you doin’?” he pulls away and asks you that, asks like he isn’t deserving of such affection after sharing that story.

 

“Why are you being so hard on yourself?  You had so much going on around you and going on in your head.  Jesus, you had just seen people get slaughtered!  The machines died, the ones seemingly keeping him alive.  I don’t blame you for thinking that maybe he didn’t make it.”

 

And he just scoffs quietly, turning his head away to look out into the distance as you keep talking, but you take his face in your hands and make him look at you again.

 

“Listen to me, you went above and beyond.  You went back for him and when you truly believed that he was gone, you protected his family.   Kept them alive for months, protected them with your life,” and you see his eyes soften now, “It’s great that he’s alive and made it back to them, but that does not, for one second, take away from the bravery of what you did.”

 

It’s all he’s wanted to hear.  Understanding and appreciation.  Acknowledgment even, of the fact that he tried his damn hardest to save his best friend _and_ his family, he just was only successful with one of them.  But it doesn’t mean he didn’t try goddamn it.

 

All he wants to say is how much he loves you, because he absolutely does.  But to not hear you say it back right now, in this moment, is too much to bear.  He opts for caressing your cheek so sweetly and kissing you.  When he pulls away, he doesn’t move away far at all, noses just barely touching as he brushes some hair from your face and says, ‘thank you’ so sincerely that you feel like crying because it’s obvious no one has taken the time to say this to him before.

 

When you hug him, he buries his nose in your hair, rubbing your back.   You gently nuzzle his ear, before saying low, “Just please don’t forget how great you are.”

 

The sentiment causes him to close his eyes and he’s thankful that you’re hugging so you can’t see his face.  If you only knew what he’s done, would you still feel the same?

 

When he feels you pull back, he opens his eyes and he softly places his hand on your cheek, kissing you.  Gently, you hold onto the ends of his shirt’s collar, and when you both pull away, you just look at each other.  Shane’s thumb caressing your cheek as his brown eyes search your own.  Leaning in, you give him a quick kiss, “Right now, nobody around, no walkers, it doesn’t feel like the world is what it is.  Feels like it’s just us.” 

 

“I know what you mean,” he replies softly.  If only it were.

 

With a quiet sigh, “We better get back,” and with a kiss he presses to your eyebrow, he moves back to let you hop off the fence.   Shane picks up his shotgun and you both head back to the car.  As you said, you drove back while Shane laid back in the passenger seat, ankle up on the window sill.  He managed to fall asleep himself for the short drive back, cap pulled low over his eyes.

 

When you pull up onto the farm and park the car, he still doesn’t stir.

 

You push his hat up slowly to see his sleeping face, and sweetly run the back of your hand against his cheek, “Shane, babe, we’re back,” you whisper.

 

Slowly, he shifts, large hands coming up to cover his face before he’s dragging them down over it.  As you get out of the car, he sits up with the seat, puts his ankle back on the floor, then exits the car too.

 

You lean against the side of the car as Rick strolls over, Shane rounding the hood of the car to lean next to you.

 

“Find a place?”

 

Shane scrapes his teeth over his bottom lip, then nods, “Yup, we did.”

 

“Hey, are we going to get the guns back after we train?” you ask Rick this time.

 

“I, uh, I don’t know yet.  It’ll definitely help us though; make Hershel feel more at ease, maybe, with the idea of it,” he shifts his weight to his other leg, as he tilts his head a bit.

 

Just an understanding nod you give him in return.  But Rick can tell it’s not the answer you were looking for.

 

“Look, we need to stay here, at least until Carl is healed up,” he tries to make a gentle point, “And so far, it’s turning out to be a not so bad of a place to stay.  We have water, food, and enough land to stay as safe as we possibly can given the circumstances.  If that means we gotta give up our guns, then we do that.  There’s always time to renegotiate with him on that.”

 

“And what if we end up not having as much time as you think we do?  What if the worst happens and we’re on the defense with no guns?” you can’t help but ask.

 

Rick glances at Shane, who simply looks back at him with no expression, finger tapping on the trigger guard of his shotgun that he’s holding, barrel pointed to the ground.  You make a good point.

 

“If that happens, and that’s a hard _if_ , then we take them back and do what needs to be done to keep everyone here safe.”

 

“Hope so,” you respond first, then over Rick’s shoulder you see Carol and Lori chopping vegetables for dinner; feeling guilty for being off with Shane for most of the day you excuse yourself to go help them.

 

The men watch you walk off before Rick turns back to Shane, “She doesn’t like me much, does she? Guess that’s her tendency, disagree when she can?” 

 

Shane pushes off the car, “What does that mean?”

 

“Lori filled me in on the group when I came.  Mentioned how it was the two of you who butted heads a lot. But I’ve noticed you two don’t seem to be doing that all that often anymore,” Shane holds Rick’s stare, “So I guess it’s on to me now?”

 

“Maybe you just don’t got everyone’s approval for the first time.  You don’t know how to deal with that without talkin’ shit ‘bout someone you know nothin’ about?”

 

Rick takes a step back, surprised at his friend’s reaction, “Hey now, that’s not what I was doing,” he puts a hand up halfway in a way one would do to calm someone, “I’m sorry you took it that way, brother,” and Shane gives a shake of his head as he looks off to the side before turning back to Rick, who continues, “And maybe I don’t have everyone’s approval; I’m startin’ to think I don’t even have yours.”

 

Shane moves his shotgun to rest on his shoulder, “Yeah well, maybe you don’t,” and he walks away from Rick.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed a few pieces of dialogue from TWD for a scene

The next day, the tension between Shane and Rick is noticeable to you, though no one else but Lori seems to pick up on it.    You can’t ask Shane about it because both of you are around Rick and some of the others, planning search grids for continuing the search for Sophia. 

 

“Look I know I haven’t fired a gun before, but I can hold my own with a knife,” you state, looking to join the search despite the rule so far only being those who can use a gun.

 

“I can appreciate that, but we can’t afford to be babysitting anyone out there on this,” Rick replies calmly.

 

“Babysitting?” you almost snarl.

 

Shane moves to stand next to you and looks at Rick, “You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about, man.  She ain’t a liability.  She’s taken out more walkers with a knife than you have with a gun,” he almost challenges Rick. 

 

T-Dog picks up on the tension between the three of you. 

 

“He’s right, Rick.  She can join me and Andrea on this one,” he offers, giving you a nod of acceptance.

 

Rick eyes Shane for a beat before glancing at you, then at T-Dog, “Alright then, you three use the blue rags to mark your grid.”

 

Still annoyed with Rick, you share a look with Shane before leaving with T-Dog and Andrea. Rick and Shane also head out towards their area.

 

It’s silent between them for the most part.  As Shane hammers in a red rag onto a tree, Rick shares glances with him, before speaking up.

 

“You two have gotten pretty close,” he shares his observation as he continues walking.

 

Shane instantly knows he’s referring to you, “What’s your point?”

 

Rick gives a small shrug, “Just sayin’, you two may be more than just two people who reconciled their differences.  If something’s going on between you two, I don’t know why you wouldn’t tell me.”

 

“’Cause it ain’t your concern,” Shane glances at the back of his friend’s head as Rick walks ahead of him.

 

“It is if it’s going to be causing issues.”

 

At that, Shane stops walking, “And what issues are you referrin’ to?”

 

Rick turns around, sees the annoyed expression on his partner’s face, “You keep siding with her or she’s siding with you, I’m not sure which yet.  But one of you keeps battling me on everything.  It’s not good for the group to see.  These people need stability, a firm leader to look to.”

 

Shane hangs his head with an annoyed huff before looking back at him, “Is that why we’re still out here lookin’ for a little girl we both know is dead?  I mean, you got almost every able-bodied person out in these woods, searchin’ for nothin’.  What kind of stability is that? What kind of leadership?” He tilts his head as he narrows his gaze.

 

“Trying to find a little girl who I lost is stability, Shane.  Bringing a daughter back to her mother. Reuniting a family!  I ain’t as quick to write her off as you seem to be.  You think that makes you a leader?  Saying to hell with a missing 12-year old girl?”

 

Shane laughs bitterly, “How many times we got called to look for a missin’ child, Rick? You got 72 hours and after that you’re lookin’ for a body.  And that was before!  I mean, you honestly think we’re gonna find Sophia alive?”

 

“Are you that sure we won’t?”

 

“We bein’ completely honest?”

 

“Well I’m counting on you to be.”

 

“There’s been no sign of her.  Her own mother we had callin’ for her.  Don’t you think if she were alive, she’d of come runnin’?  We’ve heard nothin’! No cryin’, no wailin’.  No lost little girl is gonna stay silent when she’s scared.   Put the pieces together, Rick!”

 

Rick’s angry and taken aback, “Your girlfriend feel the same?”

 

Shane’s eyes darken with anger as he steps closer to the man in front of him, “This ain’t got nothin’ to do with her. So, you best watch your mouth.”

 

“Am I supposed to believe that?  You need more people on your side, Shane, that it?  Or is it the other way around? She’s telling you that I have no idea what I’m doin’?”

 

Shane’s clearly pissed off, “My god, are you paranoid. You got people questionin’ you and your first thought is that we’ve been plannin’ it?” 

 

He walks closer to Rick, voice lower but still thick with protectiveness, “I love that woman with everything I have.  You don’t even know her at all, man.  The shit she did to help keep this group, keep your own wife and son, safe?  Yeah, we disagreed a lot, but we also worked together to do what we had to do to keep everyone alive,” he shakes his head with an annoyed smirk, “All you’re seein’ is two people not likin’ your ideas.  You ain’t seein’ it as more ideas to listen to and to choose from.  So you tell me, what kind of leadership is that?”

 

And Shane stalks off ahead, leaving Rick to let those last words truly sink in.

 

\---

 

Having finished with your group before Shane was done with Rick, you’re walking to the well with two empty buckets to fill for laundry. 

 

As you’re pumping water into the second bucket, the sound of footsteps coming closer has you looking up to see an annoyed Shane walking towards you.  Standing up straight, you look at him, “What’s wrong?”

 

With a hand on his hip, he runs his other down his face, “Just got into it with Rick a bit.”

 

“What about?” you look past him to see Rick talking to Lori.

 

He doesn’t answer you right away, just glances between you and the trees. 

 

“Shane? About what?”

 

“About me thinkin’ we should be stoppin’ the search,” he finally admits. And he waits for you to give him a disgusted look at his seemingly lack of humanity as Rick saw it, or to walk away from him for even thinking such a thing.

 

But you don’t. And part of him thinks he should have realized that you would stay.

 

“Why?” is all you ask him.  There is no judgment in your tone, just honest curiosity to hear his reasoning behind the thought.

 

Shane takes his hat off and rubs his head quick before putting it back on, “The chances of findin’ her alive are close to none right now.  We’ve been yellin’ for her, searchin’ for her, and nothing. If she were still out there, wouldn’t she have come runnin’?  Back when we were on the job, child goes missing you got 72 hours to find them alive.  You can’t tell me that timeframe ain’t lower what with walkers roamin’ around now.”

 

“You’d actually feel okay with stopping to look for her?”

 

“I never said that,” he says pointedly, “I never said it was something I would feel good about.”

 

“Than what’s the harm in still looking?”

 

“We are separating the group too often to keep doin’ this.  All of us out there, what if walkers attacked the farm?  The lot of us out in the woods too busy lookin’ for someone who ain’t there instead of here, protecting our people.  We can’t stay here forever.  We’re too out in the open.”

 

“Carl’s still recovering.  No one is going to even think about leaving until he’s better.  So until that happens, and while we’re still here, we need to keep looking for Sophia.  We owe it to Carol and we owe it to ourselves.  To know that we tried everything to bring her back.”

 

Shane gives a quick shake of his head and licks his lips, “Rick seems hell bent on findin’ her.  Feels like he has to for being the one to let her go.  I doubt he’s gonna drop it anyway.”

 

You step closer, his back shielding you from anyone behind him, and you rest your hand on his chest, “We’ll worry about all that if it happens.  For now, we just take it each day.  We might as well be looking if we’re here, it’s only right.”

 

With a quiet sigh, “Yeah, I know,” then he hangs his head for a beat, “There was somethin’ else we got into it about,” and he lifts his head back up to look at you, “You.”

 

“Me?” you pull your hand away and take a step back.

 

Shane closes the space by stepping towards you, “Said he could tell you don’t like ‘im.  Started spewin’ how that’s just your way which pissed me off.  He doesn’t even know you.  But I did tell him that I loved you.”

 

“Shane…” you start.

 

“Now I don’t think he’s gonna go tellin’ anyone, so don’t worry, but I thought you should know.”

 

You glance over his shoulder at Rick and Lori, Rick happening to glance at you at the same time.  Turning around, you finish pumping the water into the bucket.

 

“What? You’re mad at me?” Shane questions as he follows you.

 

“No.  I don’t know what I am.”

 

Shane gives a huff of an annoyed laugh, then, “Shit, can’t do anythin’ right, can I?”  And with that, he turns around and starts walking away.  Rick’s mad at him and seems you are too.  He feels like he can’t catch a break.

 

He makes it halfway back to the house when he hears you shout his name.  As does everyone else around, all looking over.

 

Turning around, he sees you jogging over to him. 

 

Almost chest to chest, you lightly grasp his shirt, “Tell me you love me,” you softly request.

 

He doesn’t know what’s happening right now, but he just looks into your eyes and does as you ask.  He’ll tell you every minute if he could. 

 

Bringing a hand up, he sweetly smooths it over your hair, “I love you,” he states.

 

Smiling, you cup his cheek and kiss him.  His hand moves to the back of your head, cradling it, as he kisses you back. 

 

He’s first to pull away, but only to whisper, “What are you doing?”  

 

Everyone is looking at you two, and you know that.  But this time, you don’t care.

 

“Loving you,” you answer, stroking his cheek with your thumb, “I love you too,” your smile so loving. 

 

He swears he can’t remember the last time he’s smiled so big; instantly his lips are back on yours, kissing you deep.   

 

When you both pull away, he takes your chin between his thumb and forefinger, “Say it again,” he grins.

 

“I love you Shane Walsh,” you smile, almost giddy.

 

“Sounds even better than I imagined,” he blushes slightly, kissing you again.

 

This time when you pull away, you hug him tight, him holding you close.  He turns his face towards yours, “What changed your mind?”

 

The question makes you pull back enough to look at him, “With everything that’s gone on, I should have realized sooner that I was being selfish.  This world is more unpredictable now.  You deserve to know how much I love you, and we deserve to be happy all the time, not just when no one’s around.”

 

“I never saw it as you bein’ selfish, just cautious,” he shares.

 

“Okay! So that time you guys kissed the first night here, that wasn’t just a fluke or something?” Glenn asks excitedly as he walks over, interrupting the quiet conversation between you two.

 

Shane keeps his arms around you, happy to be able to do so now in front of everyone, “Was no fluke, Glenn,” he chuckles at the man’s excitement.  You blush, rubbing Shane’s back a couple of times.

 

T-Dog walks over and pats Shane’s arm, “Told him it wasn’t. I could just tell,” and you can’t help but laugh at his confidence.  He mentions how you two seemed happier lately before he’s heading back to help Dale with something.  

 

“Oh man, nice! Okay, good,” Glenn nods, “Because I’ve got some questions that I’ve been needing to ask someone and Dale’s too old for the advice I need,” he starts rambling, looking at Shane. 

 

Shane raises an eyebrow, “What the hell you tryin’ to say?” confusion evident in his tone.

 

“Glenn’s seeing Maggie,” you share.

 

Glenn’s eyes go wide, “But how…?”

 

“Please Glenn.  The way you two look at each other?  It’s too cute and pretty obvious to those who pay attention,” you smirk.

 

Shane laughs, “The farmer’s daughter, huh?  Well shit, man.  Never would have pegged you for that.  Little nervous to hear these questions you got though, won’t lie.”

 

The younger man goes wide eyed, “You guys can’t say anything to anyone! Okay? Please! She’ll kill me.”

 

Both of you share a look, before you answer for the both of you, “You’re good, Glenn.  We’re pretty good at keeping a secret.”

 

Shane presses a kiss to your temple and grins against your skin at your words. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Shane, very likely, returning for a cameo in TWD, here's an update!
> 
> Explicit smut ahead!

Since life isn’t the same as it used to be, and your world of people is now a lot smaller, there wasn’t much discussion about you and Shane being together.  It just sort of was accepted as being so.  It made you wish that you just came out with it a lot sooner. 

 

Things also happened that overshadowed it.  Not long after your display of affection for Shane, Daryl came back from his portion of the search for Sophia, only he looked like he’d been through hell.  When he emerged from the tree line, Andrea mistook him for a walker and shot at him, grazing his head.  Currently, he’s recovering inside the house.

 

Now, everyone’s in their tents for the night, except Shane.  Shane’s got first watch tonight on the RV.   With no more secrecy, you’re settled in his tent for the night.  You tried to stay up for him, but the day was tiring, as every day is, and you ended up falling asleep.

 

When you do wake up, it’s because you feel his arm move over you as he comes back from the end of his shift, settling next to you.

 

“Shit, sorry for wakin’ you,” he whispers, kissing your cheek.

 

Tiredly, you touch his jaw, “Don’t be.  I was trying to stay up for you.”

 

He grins at that and brings his thumb up to smooth over your cheekbone, “Go back to sleep, baby, it’s okay,” he presses a kiss to your eyebrow.

 

You snuggle into him, forehead resting against his collarbone, “But it’s the first time being together all night since the CDC,” you mumble, eyes closed already.

 

“I know, darlin’.  But listen, we got plenty more nights like this now, so don’t worry about it,” he rubs your back.  Shane then slides his hand down your back, and over your panty covered rear down to the back of your bare thighs, caressing softly.

 

His hands on you is a feeling that you’ve fallen in love with as well.  Managing to open your eyes long enough, you lift your head from his chest and cup his jaw.  As soon as you kiss him, his hand slides into the back of your panties and grabs your ass, causing you to drape a leg over his to move even closer against him. 

 

Every word is spoken in a hushed whisper, not wanting to draw any attention from anyone still awake in the surrounding tents.

 

“Thought you were tired?” he asks between kisses, kisses that are only getting more heated.

 

“So did I,” you give a small smirk, “But my mind isn’t on sleeping right now,” you say seductively as you begin unbuttoning his shirt.  Shane grins and kisses you good before gently moving your hands and sitting up.  He quickly unbuttons his shirt as you sit up too and pull off your tank top, revealing your bare chest. 

 

“Fuck, darlin’,” he growls in arousal at the sight.  His lips crash against yours in hunger, and you slowly lean back down as his lips stay on yours, his body following.

 

At his lower abdomen, you slide your hands out to his hips then run them up his abs and over his chest, the kissing never wavering. 

 

Before you can even start undoing his pants, Shane’s hand slips into the front of your panties and instantly he slides two fingers into you.  At his actions, you pull away to lean your head back, somehow, you’re able to still keep your voice low, “ _Fuck_ ”.

 

Your skin tingles where his teeth scrape against your jaw before nipping your earlobe.

 

Spreading your knees further apart, Shane starts a rhythm as he pumps his fingers into you. 

 

“Shane…I can’t…” you bite your lip, and he knows exactly what you’re trying to say, as you dig your nails into his shoulder and his bicep.

 

He shifts to lean on his knee and an elbow, in order to bring his free hand to cover your mouth as he continues pleasuring you with his other. 

 

The speed picks up.  Now you’re gripping his hand at your mouth and his wrist as it moves down below.  When you start arching your back, legs quivering, he knows you’re almost there.  The muffled moans against his palm still manage to make him hard despite not getting to hear them fully. 

 

The way your chest heaves with each breathy gasp and the way your stomach pulses with each involuntary tense of your body as it’s brought closer and closer to orgasm, drive him crazy. 

 

He feels the vibrations against his hand as your moans pick up, and your body is pulsing every second.  As you lift your hips to react to the intense orgasm that hits you, he keeps his fingers moving inside of you, hand moving accordingly to stay put. 

 

He watches as your throat moves as you cry out under his palm, your eyes closed.  When you do open your eyes, Shane removes his hand from your mouth, instead bringing it to smooth over your hairline.  He pulls his fingers out of you and you watch as he sticks them in his mouth, his lips sliding over them as he licks them clean of you. 

 

As you cover your eyes briefly with your hand, trying to catch your breath, you feel as Shane starts kissing below your breasts, placing kisses along your stomach that’s moving as your breaths are quick.

 

Once you move your hand, you sit up on your elbows and he sits up on his knees.  You watch as he grabs the top of your panties and starts pulling them down, you lift your butt up so he can pull them down your legs and off completely.   He kisses your bent knees, which you spread a little for him.  The way his eyes darken when he glimpses between them, as if he wasn’t just enjoying it a minute ago, makes your heart race. 

 

He looks at you as he quickly undoes his belt and unzips his pants, getting them off as fast as possible.  Once he does, he’s crawling over you, up your body.  You stay on your elbows, his mouth catching yours in a passionate kiss.  His warm hand at the back of your head, gently guides you back down as the kiss gets even more heated. 

 

He nestles his hips between your legs, like they’re made to be there, and you’re still aroused from his fingers, so when you feel his tip brush your opening, you moan into his mouth.  Within seconds, he’s pushing his full length inside of you and you immediately wrap your legs around his, knees pushing against his hips, anything to try and pull him in even deeper.

 

It’s slow at first as he takes his time.   And you feel like you’re in some cheesy romance novel because there’s moments where you both are just looking at one another, as your bodies move with each thrust, with such obvious love that it makes your heart ache. 

 

There’s a mix of sweet and passionate kisses shared, as well as caresses of skin.  He starts moving into you faster and you both find that you need to muffle your groans and cries into your lover’s skin.  Shane has to press his mouth against your neck when he groans at the pleasure of feeling your warmth around him, his orgasm on its way.  Your parted lips are attached to his jaw as you hug his neck, your breathy moans sinking into his skin.  When your body finally erupts in pleasure, a strangled cry of ecstasy is muffled when you press your face against the side of his.  It’s still enough for him to only last a few seconds longer before he’s hugging your body to his as he thrusts a couple more times before you feel his moans against your collarbone. 

 

 You run your hand down the back of his head as the tent is filled with the sounds of rapid breathing. 

 

\---

 

When Shane opens his eyes, the first thing he sees is your hair and instantly he smiles.  Your back is flush against his front, his arm securely wrapped around you, his face buried in your hair.  Both of you still naked from the night before, only a single thin sheet covering you both. 

 

He slides his hand down from your ribcage, to your thigh.  As he caresses your skin there, he starts pressing soft kisses to your shoulder.  Your legs shift slightly and then he hears a soft sigh from you.  He slides his arm back up and hugs you against him, kissing your shoulder before kissing your hair that’s covering your ear. 

 

He sees you smile as you shrug your shoulder from his tickling kiss.  Chuckling to himself, he kisses your ear again making you giggle before he lays his head back down and kisses the back of your head.  He feels you run your hand along his forearm that’s over you, until you reach his hand.  Shane laces his fingers with yours, thumb brushing along your skin. 

 

When you bring your joined hands to your mouth, you place a kiss on the back of his hand before bringing them to rest at your stomach again. 

 

“Hey, c’mere,” he whispers softly to you, moving to lean on his elbow.

 

Letting go of his hand, you move onto your back so you can finally see each other.  The smiles just get bigger once you lay your eyes on one another.  With a hand to the back of his neck, gently you pull him down to your lips.  The kiss is soft and slow, his hand skimming your waist and your knee rubbing his thigh. 

 

His eyes look around your face, a soft adoring grin on his, and he brings his hand to your cheek.  The pad of this thumb is against the corner of your lips before he sweetly caresses the spot, then moves it down to sweep underneath your bottom lip. 

 

Blushing under his stare, you gently pinch his hip, “We need to get up,” you whisper with an amused smirk.

 

“I don’t hear anyone callin’ for us,” he teases before leaning down and kissing you. 

 

And just like that, “Shane, you up?” Rick calls outside the tent.

 

Both of you pull away from each other with obvious annoyance.  Shane turns his head towards the front of the tent, “Yeah, man. I’m comin’.”

 

Shane turns his head to look at you, your hand never leaving the back of his head where you’ve been rubbing the short hairs of his shaved hair.   He leans down and kisses you, then moves from you to let you sit up. 

 

Both of you start getting dressed; when you pull a tank top on, you notice that a hickey he left you with is still visible on your chest.  Not wanting to come across like you’re flaunting anything, you look around and spot one of Shane’s button up shirts.

 

“Pass me your shirt,” you request, reaching your hand out.

 

Shane looks down and picks up the shirt in question, handing it to you.  He watches as you put it on, leaving it open, but tying the two ends into a knot at your waist.  Then he sees as you move the fabric around until it’s properly covering the mark he left on you.

 

“You tryin’ to cover up my work?” He asks with a smirk.

 

“Yes,” you laugh, “We just told everyone yesterday about us, I don’t want to start showing off the visible evidence of it just yet.”

 

Shane leans over and leans his face close to yours, “Alright, so I’ll leave them lower next time,” he says huskily before kissing you.

 

Once he pulls his t-shirt on, you’re both exiting the tent, joining the few who are also up.  As everyone waits for the rest of those to wake up and join, you start helping Lori and Carol with cooking breakfast. 

Rick walks over to Shane and speaks quietly to him, ultimately walking off to the side to most likely try to settle their differences from yesterday.

 

As Carol goes to get the eggs from the chicken coop, Lori and you are cooking some pieces of meat leftover from one of Daryl’s hunts. 

 

“Mind if we talk for a few minutes?” Lori glances at you as she flips the meat in the cast iron pot hanging over the fire you got started.

 

“Okay…about?”

 

“About your attitude towards Rick,” she tries to say in a non-confrontational manner.

 

The adrenaline already starts coursing through your veins, but you take a couple quick breaths through your nose to at least give Lori a chance to turn this around before you really get aggravated.

 

“And how would that be?”

 

Lori stands up and moves closer to you to keep the conversation as low and private as she can, “He’s trying his damn hardest to do what’s right for everyone here, including you, and you keep giving him hell about it.  That doesn’t help anyone.  Now I know you and Shane are…are…involved, but I just hope you’re not letting that cloud your judgment since we both know Rick and Shane have had some issues lately.”

 

“In that same respect, I hope you’re not letting your marriage cloud yours,” you reply as calmly as you can muster.

 

“Excuse me?” and Lori seems way more offended than you anticipated. 

 

“Oh come on Lori, you know what I mean.  You think I’m siding with Shane because we’re together, which is not true, but at the same time, who’s to say that’s not happening with you?  That just because you’re married to Rick and because he came back from the dead so to speak, that your loyalty to him is even stronger now to the point that you’ll go along with whatever he says no matter how much you may disagree.”

 

She looks at you a bit wide-eyed before shaking her head, “That is not fair.  Just because you do not see me question him in public does not mean I haven’t where I felt it was needed.”

 

“I hope that is true.  And I may not disagree with Shane as openly as I once did, but do not think for one second that I don’t do the same thing, question him when we’re alone.  So before you go campaigning around for your husband, and thinking so little of me to think that I’d let a man change the way I think, look at yourself, look at how you’re letting yourself be portrayed because you’re so busy trying to play faithful, loving wife all of a sudden.”

 

With that, you walk away.  You threw that word in there on purpose, _faithful_ , you knew it would sting her.  Yet at the same point, you couldn’t blame the woman.  She truly believed her husband was dead, she was grieving, so was Shane.  Grief brings people together in all different ways, and for them, it was the comfort of sex.  You knew it was happening back in Atlanta, you were awfully good at observing things, but it also wasn’t any of your business so you never brought it up.  And you never told Shane you knew, what would be the point?  Their relationship, or whatever it was, was before you two became anything.  But having Lori question you like that, you just couldn’t help but be petty and throw that little remark in there. 

 

With wanting to just not deal with anyone, to calm down, you just keep walking until you reach the very edge of the property where the wire fence is.  Pretending to check the stability of it, you just stay out there for a bit, walking along the edge.

 

Several minutes later it’s the sound of a truck coming closer that has you look up and you see the vintage blue pick-up headed your way; all you need is one guess to know who it is.

 

Shane pulls up a few feet away and gets out, walking around the front of the truck and over to you.

 

“Hey.  What’aya doin’ out here?”

 

“Just checking the fence line,” you lie. 

 

“Well that’s bullshit, but nice try,” and when you look at him at his words, he continues, “Driving over here, didn’t see you look at the fence once,” he gives a soft grin at catching you in a lie.

 

“You’re so annoying,” you groan.

 

“I know,” he licks his lips before grinning, walking closer to you as you try to suppress a grin at his instant response. 

 

Standing in front of you now, he brushes some hair from your face before gripping his belt with both hands, “So…wanna tell me why you’re really out here?”

 

“Got annoyed with Lori over something she said and I just…I needed to step away, to clear my head.”

 

Shane’s brows furrow at your reason, “What’d she say?”

 

As you rehash for him the topic of the short conversation, he shakes his head in annoyance at Lori.  And what you’ve never admitted to him before, you felt like you better be the one to say it before Lori makes a mention of it to him.

 

“Also, I know…” and Shane gives you a questioning look as you continue, “…about you and Lori,” you look at him.

 

A quick look of shock registers on his face before he’s hanging his head for a moment, “Shit”, you hear him mutter before he’s raising his head to look at you, “That was before we ever did anything, you know that right?”

 

“I know,” you nod, “She didn’t say anything to me about it, but I knew back in Atlanta.  I don’t think anyone else did, but I could tell, what with the way you two acted and a couple times noticing when you both weren’t around.  Wasn’t hard to put two and two together.”

 

Shane just looks at you, his eyes looking almost sad, “Look, that…that was just…we thought Rick was dead.  We only had each other before we formed that camp…” and he’s trying to explain himself to you.

 

“Shane,” you grab his attention from fumbling over his words, “You don’t need to explain anything to me,” and you give him a small smile to assure him, “I get it.  I don’t blame either one of you.  The only thing that bothers me is that she seems to be casting you aside for something you both did, and that’s not fair. And I just…I do have one question, as stupid as it probably is…” you get quieter as you mention it.

 

“Try me,” he says low, his hands gripping your hips.

 

With a quiet, deep breath to somehow give you the small boost of confidence you need to ask him, “Just tell me that I’m not some rebound for you because of Rick coming back and stopping you two.  I could have lived with that when we first started, but at this point, I’d just rather know so I can try to deal with it sooner.”

 

His hand comes to caress your cheek softly, thumb skimming along the outline of your lips, then drops it back to your hip.

 

“When we first messed around, I’ll be honest, I didn’t know what it was – I don’t think you even knew what it was,” and you give a small shake of your head as you agree that you didn’t, “But it didn’t take me long at all to realize that I love being with you, not because I’d expected us to fool around each time,” and he gives a tiny smirk, “But because it was you. I think we both started seein’ a different side to each other, a side we both loved. And I love being around you, even when you give me nothing but shit,” he grins which only gets bigger when you give a small laugh, “So believe me when I tell you that you are no rebound. I never loved Lori, but you – I love you with everything.”

 

 A soft, adoring smile forms on your lips as you listen to what he said, you bring your hand to his cheek, “Even when I give you shit, huh?” you say with love and amusement. 

 

A lopsided smirk he gives, “Even then,” he confirms, “Even if you hated me again, I’d still love you.  My heart ain’t mine anymore, been belonging to you since Atlanta,” he shares as he leans into your touch some. 

 

“You knew then?” your surprise evident, it was the very beginning of the wild relationship you two have.

 

“Wasn’t a hundred percent, but on some level, yeah, yeah I think I knew,” he says as he wraps his arm around your waist to pull you up against his body. 

 

“When?” you brush your thumb along his cheek.

 

“Night after the camp was attacked.  I knew you were nervous and scared, but that night together, something just felt different, good different.  Didn’t want to let you go, I can tell you that.”

 

You press your lips to his, letting them fit together perfectly for a minute before you pull back, “I felt it too that night.  I actually got a little annoyed with you because you were being so sweet, not making it easy to just write it off as an emotional mistake.”

 

“Is that what it was supposed to be?”

 

“It’s what I tried to trick myself into believing.  But I knew – I knew I was going to you for a reason, not an emotional whim.  Felt safe with you, felt comfortable with you.  Then being with you, I could tell we cared about each other more than we were letting on, or maybe more than I was letting on,” you run your hand down his chest, watching your action.

 

Shane cups your cheek, guiding you face back up, and kisses you.

 

“You know I love you too, right?” you ask before even opening your eyes when he pulls away.  When you do open them, he’s looking right at you, his stare soft.

 

He can’t help the hint of a grin that shows up on his face, at the fact that you ever think he wouldn’t know that. 

 

“I know,” the corner of his mouth quirking up.  He slides his hand to the back of your head and gently pulls you into a hug, “Course I know that.”

 

He feels you nod against his shoulder, a mumbled, “Okay, good”.  Shane drops his face to kiss your neck.

 

“We’re about to go do gun training, you ready to head back?”

 

“Yeah,” and you pull back, stepping back from him, “I feel like I’m going to be horrible at it though, so fair warning.”

 

“Well I don’t know about this then,” Shane shakes his head before using his chin to motion to you, “Don’t know if I can be with a woman who can’t shoot.”

 

Your mouth falls open as you playfully slap his arm, “Oh, is that right?”

 

You both laugh as he catches your wrist and pulls you into him, “Guess I could make an exception,” he smirks before pecking your lips before you pinch his ass. 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit Smut at the end

Shane is attractive, there’s no denying that.  But seeing him spew out the knowledge he has on weapons and how to use them as the rest of you are lined up in front of that wooden fence that you and Shane found, well it’s a whole new level of attractiveness that you didn’t even think was capable.

 

He glances at you a little longer than the others, but he’s in his Firearms Instructor mode.  He walks up and down the line a couple of times, talking about gun safety before any of you even touch a weapon. 

 

Your willpower is tested to not just blankly stare at him, but to really pay attention.  You want to make sure you learn how to do this and do it right.

 

Soon, Shane, Rick, and T-Dog are handing weapons out to all of you who want to learn, including young Carl. 

 

Shane then walks everyone through loading and unloading their weapon and how to clear a jam. You have to say that you feel like you’re pretty good at that part.  Soon after, Shane starts getting into the meat of it.

 

“The proper stance for firing a weapon is to have your dominant leg in front with your other leg bracing in the back. Shoulders should be relaxed, you keep them up to your ears, your aim will be completely off. Your weapon has a notch on the top, that is called the sight, you will use this to help you aim at your target.  When you aim, you need to line up your target inside the notch, arms should be straight but not locked,” and as he speaks he takes his own gun out and acts out what he’s narrating.  You have to re-focus quickly a couple of times at the sight of his toned muscles showing through the back of his t-shirt.

 

“When you aim, you keep your trigger finger resting alongside the barrel.  If you do not, your chances of firing in error are very high.  We do not need anyone getting killed due to human error.  When you are trained on your target, that is when you move your finger to the trigger and pull in one motion.”

 

A few more tips on how to shoot, and soon Rick is lining up numerous bottles and cans along the fence.  T-Dog, Rick, and Shane stay behind the line of all of you and are helping everyone in their training.

 

Doing as Shane said, you take the proper stance and have to consciously make sure your shoulders are relaxed.  With your arms out straight, but not locked, you close one eye as you line up your sight with that green bottle you’re eyeing.  A deep breath to settle your nerves and to try and drown out the other sounds of guns firing, you pull the trigger.  And you miss.

 

“Damn it,” you mutter to yourself.  You do the whole process again and when you fire again, you miss a second time.  Frustrated, you take a couple more breaths, and try to focus. 

 

“What’s your target?” you hear Shane’s voice next to you.

 

“That damn green bottle,” you answer with frustration.

 

“Alright, go for it. Lemme see,” he crosses his arms against his chest as he takes a step back.

 

You again go through the whole process you were taught, and for a third time, you miss. 

 

“Did I not tell you that I’d be horrible?” You look at him, “I’m better with a knife, that’s all there is to it,” your frustration and annoyance clear. 

 

“Alright, hey, relax,” he moves close to you again, “First of all, a knife gets you a little too close to a walker for my liking, so if I can give you another option, I’m gonna. Second, you’re flinching a little when you pull the trigger, you’re anticipating the sound and recoil, that’s throwing off your aim at the last second.  Everything up to that though looks good.”

 

“How do I not anticipate it though?”

 

“You need to focus up a bit more.  You’ve fired a few times now, so you know what it’s gonna sound like, feel like.  Now that you know, just push it to the back of your mind.  Set your mind on making sure that bullet in the chamber, hits that damn green bottle,” he uses your words from before with a small smirk, “That is your goal.  You waste focus when you start thinking about the outside stimuli of what your goal is, that includes the way the gun sounds and feels when you fire.  You understand what I’m sayin’?”

 

“Yeah, I think so,” and you do think you understand.  It sounds difficult and you have no idea how Shane and Rick could have done this as part of their job every day. 

 

“Okay then.  Go ahead, try it again,” and he steps back.

 

This time, when you raise your weapon, and once you get that bottle in your sight, you do what Shane said.  You find yourself ignoring the sounds of the other weapons going off, you make yourself feel confident about what the gun will do, and you grip it just a little tighter.  When you feel like your mind is as focused as it will be, you pull the trigger.

 

That damn green bottle explodes in seconds.

 

“Atta girl,” he grins before pressing his hand to your lower back and pressing a kiss to your hair. 

 

“Now I just need to learn to get to that focus quicker, right?” you ask.

 

Though he knew you’d pick it up, he’s still a bit impressed with your question, “Yeah, that’s exactly right.”

 

In the zone now of seriousness to get this right, you don’t even smile when you nod in response.  Almost ignoring him, you set back to doing it again.  Shane knows not to take it personally and he just smiles at you before heading back down the line.

 

Andrea ends up being really great at shooting so Rick and Shane suggest she train some more with Shane which she agrees to.  Wanting you to get more training too, Shane asks if you want to come along and you agree.

 

At the moment, he has a huge chunk of tree tied up on a rope and he’s swinging it back and forth, making a moving target for you both to try and hit.

 

He’s still in Instructor mode, so when he starts almost being like a drill sergeant, as shocking as it is to witness, part of you understands.

 

As you’re firing and missing, Shane tries to rattle you on purpose.  As you’re trying to focus, he won’t stop talking.

 

“What did we talk about, huh? You gotta focus up!  Walkers ain’t gonna move back and forth like this, they come right at you! What if we get attacked again?  You gonna be able to defend camp?”

 

And it’s working.  You’re getting sick of hearing him, you kind of wish the trunk swings into him, but you’re so stubborn on making sure you get this right, to prove to yourself and to him, that you are fully capable of handling a weapon like this, that you put everything into focusing.

 

“In five seconds, you’re walker food!  You gonna shoot or you gonna stand there? Let’s go!” 

 

And just as he yells that, you fire three rounds straight into the moving tree trunk.  Adrenaline still pumping in your veins from the anxiety he created, it takes you a few seconds to realize that you even hit the target.

 

Shane halts the swinging of the chunk, and looks at the three bullet holes in the wood before looking at you, “Shit girl,” he says in awe, “Now that’s how it’s done,” he says approvingly, a grin on his face.

 

“I want to throw this gun at your face, is that part of the training?” you can’t help but ask it out loud.

 

“Not today,” and he can’t hide the smirk on his face from your annoyance, “Getting you riled up is to help teach you how to focus up better and faster.  You’ve faced walkers before, so you understand how your body reacts to that kind of danger, I’m trying to teach you to bypass that feeling as fast as you can.”

 

You just nod before moving aside to let Andrea take a turn.  As Shane goes back into the same mode of yelling taunts, you watch as Andrea misses the first few times too as you did.  All of a sudden, Shane starts using her sister, Amy, as a way to taunt her.   It’s crossing the line, even to you.

 

Andrea gets pissed and ends up walking away. 

 

“Shane! What the hell was that?” you scold him.

 

He hangs his head, realizing that he was wrong, “Fuck, I’m sorry.  I went too far,” he shakes his head at himself, “I’m not trying to make this easy on purpose, that ain’t how it’s gonna be out there, but look, I understand I shouldn’t have brought Amy up like that.”

 

Andrea walks so far, so quick that you and Shane have to catch up to her in his Hyundai.  Shane apologizes to her, and asks her to join the two of you as you go to a nearby housing community to search for Sophia.  Reluctantly, she agrees, and that’s how you find yourselves searching a couple houses in an abandoned suburban community.

 

With guns drawn, the three of you make your way into another garage of one of the houses, and there’s a pile of skeletons, once bodies that had obviously been burned at some point.

 

“Oh my god,” you utter in horror.

 

Andrea covers her nose and tries not to gag, as Shane stares in disbelief at the sight of whatever occurred here. 

 

“We should, uh, we should head back to the farm,” Shane says before walking over to the garage door and hauling it open. 

 

A large number of walkers are right outside the garage, and instantly your lives are in danger.   Shane starts firing almost as soon as the garage door opens all the way. 

 

“I’m gonna clear the car!” He shouts, then look directly at you, “Stay behind me!”

 

Andrea starts shooting the walkers to the left of him and you feel your hands trembling, but you lift your weapon and start shooting, although not as fast as the two of them.  You start to find your groove with it, picking off walkers as best you can instead of staying close to Shane.

 

So, when your gun jams, you panic for a beat before quickly remembering what Shane had just taught you a couple hours earlier.  A walker has its eyes set on you as it starts making its way over.  Glancing at it, you also notice Shane in the corner of your eye starting to turn towards you.

 

“Shane! No! I can do this!” you shout as you bring your gun down, starting to maneuver the mechanics of the gun to clear the jam.

 

Every step closer the walker gets to you, the more Shane battles with himself on whether to listen to you or not. 

 

Andrea is panicking, “Shane! If you don’t, I will!”

 

“No!” you yell, hearing her, as you keeping wasting seconds trying to get your finger in there to clear the weapon.

 

“Baby, come on!” Shane shouts at you, reluctantly trying to give you a chance, but he readies his weapon anyway.

 

Just as you clear the jam, the walker is inches away from you.  As you fire a bullet into it’s head, you hear another gun fire milliseconds after.  Whipping your head to the left, you watch as a walker that was almost within arm’s reach, falls to the ground.  Turning your head to the right, you see Shane looking right at you, as he lowers his weapon. 

 

Wordlessly, you all make your way to the car and pile in. Shane speeds out of there, taking out a few more walkers on the way.  

 

No one says anything on the drive.  You stick to looking out the window as you sit in the passenger seat up front.  Shane glances over at you a couple times. Eventually you feel his fingers at the base of your skull as he cups the back of your head, his thumb brushing against your earlobe a couple times. 

 

You turn your head to see him glancing between you and the road.  Reaching up you remove his hand from your head and instead lace your fingers with his, bringing your joined hands to rest on your thigh.  He gives your hand a squeeze as his thumb rubs your knuckles.

 

Getting back to the farm, Andrea and Shane get out on the same side with Shane complimenting Andrea on doing really well back there.  Then Shane’s walking around the front of the car, heading to you as you shut your door.  He takes the cap off his head, holding it as he rests his hand on the roof of the car as he faces you.  With his other arm, he takes hold of you and holds you close against him.

 

“Hey,” he says softly, “I’m real proud of you,” his hand slipping under the back of your shirt.

 

“Even though I didn’t see that other walker coming at me?” you question, your arms loosely around his neck as you rub your fingertips against the soft hairs of his buzzed head.

 

“Hey now, that wasn’t your fault. That’s on me.  There’s more to shooting than just pullin’ a trigger.  I never taught y’all situational awareness or any of the psychology of it.  Should never have risked taking you out there with me. But from what we went through, yeah, I’m proud as hell of ya,” he grins.

 

And as you shyly smile, he adds, “Though you did scare the hell out of me, so next time I may not be as patient.”

 

Now a full smile on your face as you give a soft laugh, “Okay.”

 

“Okay,” Shane gives a tiny nod with a smirk.

 

Holding the back of his head, you pull him down slightly and kiss him.  He slowly pulls away and kisses your forehead, “How about every day when we can, I spend some time with you to practice shooting?”

 

“And would I be getting you naked during these outings?” you give a teasing grin. 

 

“Before or after the shooting, not during,” he replies with his fast wit.

 

With a roll of your eyes, but a smile still on your face, he laughs and kisses your temple.

 

Later that night, everyone turned in early due to a strong storm that moved in.  Rain was pouring down, the trees surrounding the tents barely helping to shield any of it.  The raindrops against the tent was a calming sound but the seemingly constant thunder drowned it out a lot. 

 

With the thunder roaring you couldn’t even hear T-Dog’s snoring from a couple tents over. Which also meant that any sounds from your own tent wouldn’t be heard.

 

Naked and on your back, Shane is laying on his stomach as his hands keep a hold of your spread thighs.  He only let you take his shirt off before he got you in your current position.  The warm feeling of his tongue between your legs has you squirming at moments, his grip tightening to make sure you don’t end up squirming away. 

 

With no hair for you to grab onto when your pleasure starts increasing and with no headboard to brace against or anything, you end up just blindly scratching at the nylon floor of the tent.  Shane moves one hand to reach up to your chest, cupping your breast as his thumb brushes against your already hard nipple.  Grabbing the back of his hand as you run your other through your hair as you squeeze your eyes shut, hips involuntarily jerking at his actions.  Once he starts putting all his focus on that little sensitive nub, you clap your hands over your mouth as you arch your back, hips raising off the floor.  Ever the quick one, Shane leans on his elbows as he holds your hips, keeping them up, as he gets right back to it.  Just as you almost are there, you feel his lips kiss your inner thigh, “None of that with your hands…” referring to your attempt to quiet yourself, “…got nature on our side.  Let me hear ya beautiful,” his aroused tone quietly commands. 

 

His eyes on you as his tongue finds you again, he picks up his movements until you’re pushing your head against the ground, eyes shut tight.  With your breathing rapid, your breathy moans are frequent and Shane can feel himself getting harder. 

 

“Fuck,” you moan, hand palming your own breast, “Ohhh, _there_ Shane…oh my god…” and he knows how to read your body, he can tell you’re right on the edge.  A few more flicks of his tongue quickly followed by his lips sucking on your clit and he feels you tremble as your body releases.  He moves back to his stomach, lowering your hips, before he’s back to tasting every bit of you as your body slowly comes down from your orgasm.

 

As your breathing starts to calm down, he pushes up on his hands, sitting back on his heels. With the back of his hand, he wipes your juices from his mouth and chin.  Slowly pushing up to lean on your elbows, looking down your own nude body before looking at him, you lick you lips subconsciously.  His eyes are still dark with want, and you can see how tight his pants are from his arousal.  Still recovering, you lay back down, hand on your forehead.  The second you feel his fingers grip your thighs and you feel yourself being pulled down a few inches, you can’t help but softly laugh. With his own grin on, Shane kisses near your bellybutton, moving his kisses in a trail up your body as he crawls over you. 

 

The second you can, your hands are on his belt and undoing it.  As your fingers work on the zipper, his lips catch yours in a passionate kiss.  You can only push his pants down so far before he pulls away from the kiss to quickly pull them off himself.  Just as he goes to move back over you, you just about tackle him onto his back with a laugh as his arms instinctively wrap around you, a big smile on his face.    

 

Leaning down, you grasp his face and kiss him.  Warm hands slide up your sides and move to your shoulder blades as he holds you close, the kiss becoming more heated.  Soon enough, you’re sinking down onto him as you brace your hands against his chest, hips rolling against his. 

 

There’s a few minutes where you press your palms against his chest, bracing yourself against him as you switch between rolling your hips and lifting them.  But after that, you slide your hands up his body as you lean back down while slowing the rolling of your hips to make it last; you bring your hands to his face and bring your lips to his. 

 

Shane slides his hands into your hair, holding you close as his tongue enters your mouth, returning your kiss with deep passion.  You feel as his thighs bump your ass as he bends his knees, and his hands abandon your hair to wrap his arms securely around you, then he sharply thrusts up into you several times causing your mouth to fall open against his own as the intensity of the pleasure has moans falling from your mouth.  Just as you feel yourself getting close, he stops, kissing you again instead. 

 

He straightens his legs out and you pull away from his lips to sit up again, hands against his ribs as you slide up and down his shaft faster than before.  Shane gently squeezes your breasts then slides his hands down your sides to grip your waist, staying with you as you move.  As you get close, your body starts slowing down as it prepares to handle the influx of pleasure to its system, but you still need more friction to fully get there.  Shane understands what’s happening, so when you feel him starting pulling you back down, you happily oblige.  His arms wrapped around you again, knees bent, he thrusts fast into you as you squeeze your eyes shut, moaning against his ear. 

 

He feels a slight tremble to your body before you cry out as you orgasm.  He strains out encouragements to you as he keeps thrusting because he’s almost there himself.  Just as you gain some awareness back, Shane’s neck strains as he lets out a deep groan, his thighs and hips jerk as he empties himself inside of you.  As his hips jerk and his cock twitches, he’s groaning in pleasure and you’re kissing his neck. 

 

When he has you in his arms after, his hand gently cupping your cheek, his kisses are less hungry and gentler.  Shane moves his hand to grasp the side of your neck, his thumb skimming along your jaw, as you look at him.  You close your eyes as he presses a kiss to your forehead, then to your cheek. 

 

Opening your eyes to find his, he glides his hand over your shoulder and down your arm.  Reaching your hand up from his hip, you touch your fingertips to his lips then to the rough stubble of his chin before resting it at his chest.

 

“I love you,” you breathe low, the emotion of it sinking in your chest. 

 

He doesn’t say it back, but he doesn’t have to.  He closes the small distance between you and leans his forehead against yours, his nose against your cheek as your guide your hand up his jaw until your thumb brushes his earlobe. 

 

“And I never hated you by the way,” you say.

 

Shane pulls back to look at you.

 

“Before the training, you said even if I still hated you, you’d still love me.  But I never hated you. You’re cocky and smug and so hard-headed sometimes,” and the corner of his mouth pulls up into a smirk as you continue, “And you annoyed me, yeah.  But I never, ever hated you,” you look into his brown eyes wanting to make sure he understands that.  The hand on his cheek you move to the base of his throat, sliding it down a bit. 

 

“I never hated you either,” he grins before pressing a kiss to your lips, “Just for the record.”

 

His words bring a short laugh out of you and he sweetly brushes a knuckle against the corner of your smile.

 

Shane tilts his head to kiss along your jaw, then kisses your chin, your cheek.  His palm fits to your jaw and the tip of his nose brushes yours.  In a tone that is full of love and tenderness, “God, I’m crazy about you.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So little story - This fic is a WIP, however all the chapters I've posted so far have been written for quite awhile - I just edit them and post them. So since I'm starting to get close to not having pre-written chapters left, I'm starting to come up with new scenes to include. This chapter is one of those new scenes, and it was supposed to be shorter than the 12 pages it ended up being lol. And though realistically I would have loved to be able to split this into at least two chapters, I personally did not feel like I could cut it off at any point that would have made sense. 
> 
> Bottom line, this chapter is 5,827 words (and no smut which probably makes the length worse haha).

The Georgia heat has always been brutal, but today is exceptionally so.  The humidity is high and the sun seems brighter than normal.  Walking even a few feet feels like walking through soup due to the thick feeling of the stagnant air.

 

Shane’s unbuttoned his shirt completely and Rick’s even ditched his Deputy uniform shirt for just a plain white tee.  It’s before noon and it’s already feeling more oppressive than ever. 

 

With your hair up in a loose bun, sweat rolls down the back of your neck as you work your arms to pump water into the first of two pails.  The women are trying to get all their chores done as fast as possible so they can relax for the rest of the day and just stay out of the sun.

 

A quick break to swipe your forearm across your sweaty forehead and you get back to pumping. 

 

“You work too hard in this heat, you ain’t gonna be standin’ for much longer,” Shane says from behind you.

 

A wipe of your palm across your forehead and you stop what you’re doing to turn and face him.

 

His torso is glistening with sweat and he flicks the bill of his cap up to wipe his fingers across his brow before readjusting it.

 

“I just want to get this over with,” you groan, hands on your hips, “This is just the worst kind of heat.  You have no idea what I would do for some air conditioning right now,” you swipe your hands across your glistening cheeks. 

 

“I know,” he sympathizes, “Here,” and you watch as he walks up to the pump, pumping some water out and quickly moving to catch some by cupping his hands.  He then moves to you and as you say how sweaty you are and he probably wouldn’t want to touch you right now, Shane’s telling you you’re crazy and smooths his cold, wet hands along your neck, your collarbones, across your forehead, and along the back of your neck.

 

It does feel really good, and as you close your eyes, almost moaning at the feeling, you still weakly protest, “I don’t want to get blamed for wasting water.”

 

“Well you ain’t, I am, so just relax and enjoy it,” he smirks and watches as you tilt your head to let him get more of your skin. 

 

With cold water rolling down your hot skin into your shirt, you’re definitely feeling a bit cooler.  When he’s done, you open your eyes and glance at him before bending down to dunk your hands into the pail of water and standing back up.

 

“It’s only right that I return the favor,” you smirk as you bring your cold, wet hands to run along his toned torso.  Shane’s body gives a slight jump at the sensation, but then he’s watching your hands as you slowly and sensually run your hands all along his bare chest and abdomen.  He reaches out to grip your denim covered hips, pulling you in just a bit more.

 

In a final move, you slide your hands up over his clavicles and up his neck, resting your palms at the angles of his jaw as he leans down a bit to meet you in a kiss.

“Let me finish up getting this water for you,” he presses another quick kiss to your lips before you both step back from each other, “Then I gotta head out,” he looks at you, “Rick wants to scout the area around here, see where things are, if we see anyone, that type a thing.”

 

You realize quickly that it would be the first time one of you has gone off the farm’s property without the other since Shane left with Otis that night.  The idea makes you nervous, which makes you feel ridiculous.  But Shane’s looking at you like he may feel the nerves a bit himself.  Not wanting to escalate the feeling for either of you, you just nod slowly, “Oh, okay.  That seems like a good idea actually,” you give a tight grin as you watch him take the few steps to the water pump and finishing pumping water into the first pail. 

 

“Yeah, I think so too,” he puts the empty second pail under the spout and pumps the water into that one.

 

“How long you think you’ll be out there?”

 

He stops to use the edge of his open shirt to wipe the sweat from his face, then finishes pumping, “Couple hours, maybe? Maybe a bit longer dependin’ how far we go.”

 

After that you both stay quiet, Shane picks up the two pails for you and you walk with him back to the camp where the other ladies are doing their little things too.

 

Once he puts the pails down, he takes his hat off to run his forearm across his forehead before placing it back on his head.  Looking at each other, both of you feeling that dread that comes with separating these days, you’re almost afraid to reach out for him.  Like maybe if you both skip the goodbye, it may make the worry go away. 

 

Shane steps into your space, runs his hand down your arm stopping at your elbow, “Listen, you don’t push yourself in this heat, alright? Take plenty of short breaks and don’t listen to nobody if they give you shit about it.  I left a canteen of water for you in our tent and left out my Deputy cap if you need it.  I’ve seen grown men drop from heat exhaustion before, it ain’t good.”

 

The fact he’s still making sure that you’ll be okay while he’s gone, it makes you miss him already somehow. 

 

You don’t fully realize that you have reached out for him in the end, your hand fisting the edge of his open shirt, “I will, I promise.”

 

He gives one nod and licks his lips, “Alright then,” he says in confirmation.

 

“Are you guys bringing a radio with you?”

 

“Uh, yeah, we gave T-Dog the other one.  We don’t want, uh, don’t want you girls to hear if anything were to go bad,” he says with hesitancy in sharing; it’s a scenario that’s all too possible despite nobody wanting it to be.

 

While you understand and can appreciate that on some level, it makes it worse to let him go, “Damn it, Shane,” you weakly scold him for you don’t even know what. Before he can even answer, you wrap your arms around his neck and hug him.

 

He squeezes you tight in return, face pressing into your neck as he mumbles, “It’ll be alright,” into your warm skin.

 

“It better be,” you say as you kiss his cheek, then press your face to the side of his briefly before pulling back from the hug.

 

Sweat from his body makes itself known on the front of your tank top which he softly trails his fingers over before bringing his hand up to touch your face, “Gonna take a lot to stop me from coming back to you,” he gives a small grin, he always tries to get you to smile when he can.

 

But you’re too hot and too worried to give him one right now.  Instead, you look at him and say, “Just prove it,” a tug at the ends of the collar of his shirt, “Prove that to me,” your request now softer.

 

Shane looks into your eyes, sees the worry and sadness and hopes that he’s doing a good job at hiding those same emotions in his own.  Removing his hat, keeping it in his hand, he moves to kiss your forehead, but you take a gentle hold of his chin stopping him.  He finally gets a glimpse of a grin from you when you tell him “I’m so sweaty, you don’t want to do that.”

 

“You think that bothers me?” he smirks, moving forward with your hand still on his chin, he kisses your forehead then presses his own sweaty forehead to yours.

 

With your faces so close, his tone quiets as to match the intimacy, “I know last time we did this, I ended up having too close a call, but I ain’t headin’ into a building full of walkers this time.  Just gonna drive around and see what’s what.”

 

Remembering that conversation with him before he left with Otis and wanting to try to put you both at ease, “At least this time I’ll definitely get to keep your shirts,” you smile a bit.

 

Shane smiles and huffs out a laugh, “Yeah, that’s right.”

 

He kisses you, takes a few extra seconds to make it last then takes his time pulling back from it.

 

After saying his own goodbye to Lori, Rick gets to the car first and hollers for Shane.

 

“Alright,” he presses another kiss to your lips, “I’ll see you later,” ghosting a knuckle down your cheek.

 

“Yeah,” you nod, and Shane’s hand runs down your forearm.

 

You glance at his hand before meeting his eyes.  Without looking away, he moves his arm to wrap around your waist, giving a little pull into him where his lips catch yours one more time.  He finishes by tilting his head and placing a kiss below your ear.

 

You close your eyes when he says, “Love you,” against your ear, feel him press his mouth against it.

 

“You too,” you share just as quiet, a part of you bubbling with superstition that if you make this some dramatic goodbye that he’ll never come back.  With that, he kisses your temple and squeezes your hip before he starts walking away, buttoning his shirt as he goes.

 

You watch as their car drives away down the dirt paved path, once it gets small, you turn away and start doing the laundry as planned.

 

As you go about your work throughout the day, you keep in mind Shane’s words, stopping for a few short breaks when the heat is too much and you start feeling dehydrated.  The tent is no better, the nylon fabric creating an oven, but you sit right outside it, taking small sips from the canteen he left for you.

 

Just as you screw the cap back on and stand up, Dale comes up behind you.

 

“Can’t remember the last time the heat was this bad,” he says causing you to turn around.

 

“You’re telling me.  At least back in Atlanta, we had the quarry to jump into to escape it,” you wipe your forearm across your forehead again.

 

“Yeah,” he gives a grin, but one that doesn’t feel as genuine as usual, “A lot’s changed since then.”

 

Something just feels off with the conversation.  The warmth that usually exudes from Dale isn’t as prominent, he seems apprehensive almost.

 

“Yeah, it has,” you agree, trying to wordlessly see if you can decipher what he’s getting at.

 

“How’s Shane dealing with Rick being back? He must be thrilled to have his best friend alive and back with him.”

 

It’s the way he brings Shane up like that which makes you feel protective now.

 

Nodding, “Yeah, he is,” it’s a bit of a lie because you know how much they’ve been disagreeing lately; you give Dale a small smile to further push your answer.

 

He walks with you as you slowly start heading towards the chicken coop to feed them.

 

“And…how are things between the two of you?” Dale asks with a hint of hesitancy, glancing at you.

 

You’ve never had a problem with Dale, you liked him.  Shane found him a nuisance a lot, but you had seen how he looked after Andrea and Amy back at the quarry and how he took Glenn under his wing.  It showed a lot of his character and you admired that.  But this question of his, his true intentions are not as caring as he thinks he’s making it appear.

 

Stopping in your tracks and turning to him, “Dale, what is this? I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t seem like what you’re asking me is genuine, so please…just be honest with me.”

 

Dale stops and looks at you, hears what you said, but just sort of takes a second to collect his thoughts it seems.

 

“Now, I could be wrong, but something…something seems off about him.  And I’m just trying to look out for you.  I know it’s not something you probably want to hear, but as your friend I need to make sure that I share that with you.”

 

“Off?” and you do get defensive because no one really knows Shane like you, “Off how?”

 

Dale drops his voice a little lower, “I saw him aim a gun at Rick’s back not too long ago.  Rick had just gotten here and they were out in the woods.  I went to get them and I’m telling you, I saw Shane aiming his gun at the back of Rick.  The look in his eyes…” and Dale shakes his head, “…was not the look of a sane man.”

 

It’s too goddamn hot for this.  To be blindsided by accusations about the man you love.  To be told this by a man who you admired and who deep down you don’t believe would make such a thing up.

 

Rubbing your forehead, you look to the older man, “And what’s the point of telling me this, Dale?  He obviously didn’t shoot Rick, so what is the benefit of telling me this?”

 

The widening of his eyes tells you that your response was not the one he was prepared for.

 

“To warn a smart woman like yourself about the potentials of danger she’s in being with a man like him.  He obviously has something going on that no one here knows, including yourself.”

 

It’s your turn to just look at him, letting yourself form the words you want to say.

 

“Shane has never hurt me.  Shane has never scared me,” you start with, “Did you even ask him about what you saw?  Asked him to explain himself?”

 

“I didn’t have to.  He heard me before I could say anything and it wasn’t until he heard me that he put his gun down – claimed he thought Rick was a wild animal.”

 

“And why choose not to believe him?”

 

“Why should I choose _to_ believe him?”

 

The question makes you look at him with disbelief.

 

“You know before Rick was here, Shane was the one looking out for all of us, don’t you remember that?  He was the one making decisions to keep us safe.  Do you realize that we never lost a single person in our camp until we brought Rick in with us?” you ask, annoyance evident.

 

“Ruling with fear does not make someone a good leader,” he calmly replies.

 

And your instant reaction is to bite back, to throw something in Dale’s face that proves him wrong.  But you remember how you yourself had said something similar to Shane once - _"Not if you scare the shit out of everyone here.”_

 

“…Shane isn’t perfect, but none of us are, Dale. Not you, not me, and not even Rick as hard as that may be for you all to believe.  Shane was a bit unpredictable, but he never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it,” and you see a quick expression fall over Dale’s face that you don’t quite get, but you continue anyway, “He was able to keep us safe with the little we had,” you quickly wipe sweat from your neck.

 

“The world is not what it was before.  I know you so deeply want to believe that there’s a chance that everything could go back to how it was before, but there isn’t.  This is our life now.  The sooner you realize that, the sooner you’ll see that Shane’s view on things isn’t crazy…it’s realistic, it’s smart.  Rick’s the one living in a fantasy world.”

 

Dale shakes his head a few times while you speak, and when you’re finished, “I see he’s already gotten to you.  I know it can be lonely when you’re without any family, especially at a time like this, but losing your wits about you because a man is able to…fulfill a need…isn’t smart.  You’re better than that.”

 

It hurts to hear that and it angers you.  Dale doesn’t even seem to want to understand what you’re saying. You open your mouth to argue some more, but the sound of a car approaching as you both looking towards the sound.  Shane and Rick are back.

 

Sharing a look with Dale, you just angrily shake your head as you walk away.

 

When Shane and Rick get out of the car, Lori’s already hugging her husband and Carl isn’t far behind.

 

Shane adjusts the strap of the backpack hanging off his shoulder and leans his shotgun against the car as he glances at the sweet welcome his partner gets.  When he turns his head, he finally smiles when he sees you making your way to him.  There’s a smile on your face too, but he’s seen it enough to know when there isn’t full happiness behind it. 

 

He heads towards you himself, and when you reach one another, you’re instantly hugging him tight.  Shane’s arms anchoring around you. 

 

“Told you it’d be alright.”

 

And you try so hard, _so hard_ , not to cry.  But those words coming from this man, at this moment where your heart was bursting with worry for him but your brain had to deal with the horrible talk with Dale, it just pushes your emotions over the edge.

 

So, when you try to huff out a laugh, it comes out a small sob and some tears roll down your cheeks and onto his neck where your face is buried.

 

Shane reacts by bringing a hand to the back of your head, “Hey, hey, it’s okay, baby.  I’m okay,” he soothes, believing that your tears are over the worry you had for him.  But then he remembers that smile you gave him, that smile that somehow was missing the vibrance it usually has. And he just knows that there’s no way you weren’t happy to see him come back, which means it was caused by something else.

 

You feel him pull back a bit, so you do too and quickly let him go to wipe your tears away.

 

His hands come to your waist, “Somethin’ happen while I was gone?” he brushes a loose strand of hair away from your face, as concern is written all over his. 

 

It’s the hesitation in answering, which is only a simple “I’m okay”, that alerts him that something did happen, but he has no idea as to what it could have been.

 

“What happened?” he softly urges as you wipe at his neck to rid it of your tears, but his eyes stay on yours.

 

You just shake your head, “Not now,” and when you bring your eyes to look into his, unshed tears fill your eyes again, but don’t fall, and your voice gets softer, “Please? You’re back, that’s all I care about right now.”

 

His palm lays against your cheek, and though he hates to see you so upset without knowing why, he just nods, “Okay,” and a brush of his thumb against your cheek before he’s repeating, “Okay.”

 

He slides his hand low on your jaw and tips your chin up with his thumb. He leans in, but his eyes search yours for a second before you’re both closing them and kiss each other. 

 

“I got you a couple of things,” he says when he pulls away and you watch as he unbuttons the flap of his left chest pocket.  What he pulls out is a beautiful, yellow flower with a short stem still attached. 

At the sight of it, you smile and Shane’s heart skips a beat because that smile is the one he knows to be true.

 

“You brought me a flower?” you sweetly ask, looking from the flower to him.

 

Shane smiles, “Yeah, made sure to get a yellow one, your favorite.”

 

He remembered.  That conversation at the CDC that feels so long ago now.

 

You press your lips to his again, kissing him slow, “I love it. Thank you,” and you hold his wrist still as you smell the incredible sweet scent of it.  Shane brings it up and tucks it behind your ear, making sure to caress your cheek as he pulls his hand back. 

 

Then he rolls his shoulder forward to let the backpack strap fall off. He lifts the pack up and unzips it, sticking his hand inside and pulling out the second thing he got for you.

 

What he pulls out is a fan.  It’s small, like one of those desktop fans someone in an office may have.  And your eyes go wide in excitement.

 

“I managed to scrounge up some batteries too…so it works,” he smirks.

 

With a smile, you hug him again, kissing his cheek, “This is the best, thank you!”

 

Shane laughs, but you feel him relax and really hug you tight to him.  His chin dips, bringing his mouth to your neck where he places a kiss before you hear him whisper, “You sure you’re okay?”

 

You just nod against him because if you speak, that lump that just formed in your throat will give you away again. 

 

But he knows you.  Somehow, he knows you better than anyone in your life ever has.  He drops the backpack and puts his hands on your arms to gently pull you away to look at you but you avert your gaze to his chest and the beads of sweat that cover it. 

 

When he dips his head to catch your stare, you let him.  But he doesn’t say anything, his knitted brows let you know that he’s still concerned about you and that’s enough.  His eyes search yours, can see that you aren’t as okay as you’re trying to convey, but he knows not to push it further especially with everyone around.  Instead, he kisses your forehead and takes your hand as he picks up the backpack with his other. 

 

You use your other hand to grip his elbow as you press your mouth to his shoulder briefly before walking with him back to the group.

 

That night in the tent, Shane jerry rigs the fan to hang from the top of the tent using his belt and one of your shoelaces.  He has it face the floor where you’re laying in only a pair of panties, your hair messily tied up with the flower he got you still tucked behind your ear.  After switching it on, donned only in his underwear, he lays down next to you. 

 

The breeze isn’t great, but it’s definitely better than the warm air inside the tent. 

 

Closing your eyes, you just enjoy the cool air as it moves along your mostly nude body.  Shane brings his hands to the back of his head, and glances at you.

 

“You know, this reminds me of growing up with my grandparents,” he starts.  You open your eyes to loll your head towards him. 

 

“My Pop was a real cheap bastard,” he chuckles, “so air conditioning was never a luxury as a kid.  Instead, he’d set up one of those damn oscillating fans right there in the living room.  Let me tell you, the Georgia heat like it is today, waiting for that fan to make its way to you?  Excruciating,” and you both laugh. 

 

“Made me used to the heat a bit more though.  But Rick’s parents had air conditioning, part of why I was over there all the time in high school,” he chuckles. 

 

“Well, I was totally spoiled by air conditioning,” you smirk as you share a glance with him, “And at night, it was a nice, cool 66 degrees to get my ass to fall asleep,” you slide your hand slow through the air in emphasis.

 

“66 degrees? Damn girl!” he exclaims with jest making you both laugh, “So I see we’d have a high electricity bill in the summers,” he laughs, looking to you.

 

But you caught something in his words.  When you look at him, you can’t help but grin, “We?”

 

And it may be a bit dark, but his cute expression alone makes you guess that he’s probably blushing a bit too.

 

“Well, yeah,” he gives a small shrug and looks up to the fan, “You tend to live with someone you love so much,” he shares quietly. 

 

For such a normally confident guy, you can’t help but love how almost embarrassed he is about this.  There’s no way you’re letting him off the hook so easily.

 

Moving so you’re on your stomach, you drape an arm over his torso and rest your other arm on his chest, your breasts resting against his skin, “Are you saying that you’ve thought about what it’d be like to live together?” you smile, kissing his cheek, “Now including that you’d let me have an air conditioner on all summer?” you press your smile against his jaw.

 

He glances at you and sees how much fun you’re having with this knowledge.  A quick laugh and he looks back at the fan, his hand coming up to rub your lower back, “Yeah, yeah I have.  And about the A/C, well, I gotta keep you happy, right?” he chuckles, looking to you.

 

“Right,” you tease, kissing his chin as you laugh at the idea of it, even though you know it could never be in this world.

 

You settle down against his side, cuddling into him.  His arm around you keeps you tucked against him and for a minute the only sound in the tent is the soft whirring of the fan. Shane’s soft voice soon interrupts, “You never told me what happened today.”

 

Closing your eyes, you inhale softly through your nose at the fact he didn’t forget.

 

“…Dale told me that he saw you aiming a gun at the back of Rick…was trying to warn me that you aren’t safe…even suggested that because we’re having sex that I choose not to see it for myself…” You can feel his body tense as you speak and when his silence follows, you panic a little.  Sitting up, you look down at him.

 

“Shane, do not do anything about this. You hear me?  Do not start anything because none of it is worth it,” you sternly command him.

 

His jaw is set and he keeps eye contact with you as you speak to him.  Closing his eyes briefly with a shake of his head, “You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that, to have such a dumbass assumption made about you.”

 

Taking his face in your hands, “And I appreciate that you feel that way, but you cannot be starting anything, especially with the oldest man in our group. Tell me you understand what I’m saying.”

 

He just looks at you again, you can feel the tensing of his jaw underneath your palms, “He made you cry,” he says it like that alone should be enough of a reason.

 

“I wasn’t crying only because of that,” you share, “I was more worried about you than I let on and his conversation was just…not helpful.   So, please just tell me,” you still instruct.

 

“Yeah…yeah, I hear you,” he relents with unhappiness. 

 

Leaning down over him more, “Yeah?” you need to confirm.

 

“Yeah,” he says again, his hand coming up to smooth along your spine.

 

After kissing him, you sit back up, “So what about what he said he saw?” you gently ask, hand on his chest.

 

After a sigh, “It wasn’t my finest moment,” he admits.

 

A nod, “Were you going to shoot him?”

 

Shane looks up and runs his hands down his face before abruptly sitting up bringing him chest to chest with you.

 

Brows furrowed, “He pissed me off. Said how I had no idea what it was like to protect a family,” and he shakes his head at the memory, “Kept his wife and kid safe and he tells me I don’t know what it was like to protect people that I love, couldn’t fuckin’ believe it,” he hangs his head a bit, and you feel as he brings the back of his finger to run along the curve of your breast before he stops and looks at you, “Yeah, I aimed my gun at him, out of fucking anger.  And I know that was stupid, believe me.  But…” and he sighs, shoulders dropping in defeat, “…but honestly…I can’t answer your question of if I was goin’ to shoot him…because I don’t know the answer myself.”

 

He hangs his head as you look away.  Neither of you speak for a few seconds and then out of the corner of your eye you see him lift his head to look at you.  See him tilt his head to try to see your eyes, but instead licks his lips and looks down, before looking at you again. 

 

“You thinkin’ ‘bout what Dale said?” he asks with caution, afraid of your answer.  Afraid that maybe you’re thinking what he is, that maybe Dale’s right in the fact that he isn’t good for you. 

 

Ignoring his question because your words will answer him, “Do you remember when I held that knife to Ed’s neck?” you keep your eyes on the floor. 

 

He nods, still eyeing you, “Yeah.”

 

Looking at him, “Before I did that, I thought about doing it all the time,” your eyes flitting between his, “I actually imagined killing him, Shane, all the time.  What he did to Carol and Sophia, it made me so unbelievably angry,” you furrow your brow at the memory, “That all I wanted to do was stab him in the neck, let him bleed out and suffer like he’d made his family do.  I wouldn’t have even cared what the group thought,” you finally look down, “I didn’t care what happened to me, as long as he was gone and they were okay,” you shrug, “This world is so fucked up as it is, no one needs someone like Ed around to do what he did.”

 

You look to Shane again, “If you hadn’t have stopped me that day and if he hadn’t been bit that awful night, I don’t know what I would have done.  I know I’d want to have killed him, but with the kids around, and all of that, I don’t know if I would have…but I also am not sure that I wouldn’t have.”

 

Shane just listens to you, one hand on your thigh. 

 

“Are you afraid of me because of that?” you ask him sincerely and Shane looks confused, “What? No.”

 

“Do you still want to be with me?”

 

“’Course I do.”

 

You nod, and place your hand on his cheek, “Shane, Dale’s wrong.  You’re not wrong for me, you’re not scary.  None of us are exactly who we were before.  The circumstances we face now, the things we see, it brings something out of us.  What I felt towards Ed and what you feel towards Rick, it’s toxic to us, but it still exists, the only thing we can do is try to control it as best we can.”

 

Before he can say anything, you ask him one more question, “If I had killed Ed back in Atlanta, before Rick got here, before we ever started anything…what would you have done?  Full honesty.”

 

He just looks at you for a beat, understands that you’re looking for a truthful answer.  It’s difficult for him to say his answer out loud because of the way he feels about you now, but he licks his lips and says it anyway, “I…uh…I’d have kicked you out of the group,” he shamefully admits despite it never having happened. 

 

Your voice lowers as you want to make sure he understands you, “Remember that, okay?” and now you almost sound like you’re pleading with him, “Remember that the next time you get so angry with him that you do something like that again.  This group will not keep you around if you kill him.  Lori would never forgive you.  Carl would never forgive you.”

 

He nods against your hand, “I know, I know,” he says with a bit of despair. 

 

You press your forehead to his and with heavy emotion, whisper into the small space, “You don’t like the decisions he makes, and I get that, but just _please_ do not do anything stupid because of it. Making bad decisions shouldn’t be cause to end someone’s life, especially a man who you have a history with.”

 

He squeezes his eyes shut, a pained expression crossing over his features, because he _has_ had the urge to kill Rick, just in fleeting seconds, like that moment in the woods. And he’s so torn up in his own head at times that to have someone else, someone who is calmer than his own voice is, try to talk some sense into him is a relief.

 

But he also hears your words and thinks back to that night with Otis.  If you only knew, would that be what makes him lose you forever?

 

His palm fits to the back of your head and his nose trails up along yours as he kisses your forehead, then touches his forehead to yours again.  He sweetly caresses your jaw, then glides his fingers to your chin which he holds for a second before letting you go and leaning back a bit. 

 

You see his eyes get watery as he licks his lips and tilts his head to look to the side before looking at you, “I’m tryin’ not to…I promise you that,” his voice is soft as he gives a quick rub of his palm against the back of his head, “I’m really tryin’ not to.”

 

There’s a battle within himself, you see that so clearly in his body language that you feel pained you can’t help him further with it.

 

“Okay,” you say with heartfelt understanding, then you slide your hands over his bare shoulders until you’re hugging him.  He responds by sliding his arms around you, pulling you into his lap and holding you close. 

 

Soft kisses are slowly pressed along your shoulder, his mouth moving along until he reaches your neck.  At that point, the kisses stop and he gently presses his nose to your ear. 

 

You cradle the back of his head as you slowly lean back, turning your head to brush your nose against his.

 

He glances at your other ear and you see the corner of his mouth twitch up for just a second.

 

“What?”

 

And the mood is still heavy from the conversation, but it doesn’t stop him from saying with sweet sincerity and wonder, “Only you could make a flower more beautiful.”

 

And you think to what Dale said - Shane isn’t safe?  It’s in his arms that you ever truly feel the safest.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Direct continuation from previous chapter

All the worry and anger from the day culminates inside your mind in the form of nightmares.  Your eyes shoot open as your chest heaves from the fear you felt despite you not being able to fully remember all of it.  The tent is still pitch black which means you’ve barely slept.  The quiet snores of Shane from behind you let you know that you haven’t disturbed him, and you want to keep it that way.

 

~~

 

 Shane groans as he rubs his eyes before opening them, and it’s when he brings his arm back down that he realizes the space next to him is empty.  Instantly worried, he lifts his head and spots you at the end of the tent.  Your bare back facing him, he can tell your arms are crossed tight across your bare chest. 

 

You’ve managed to sleep a little bit during the night, but not enough.  You’re awake, eyes closed, but when you hear him start moving behind you, you turn your head towards your shoulder first, then lay on your back to see him, “Hey.”

 

Shane moves to you on his knees, his hands on either side of you as he leans on them to look down at you, “What are you doin’ over here?” And he’s worried that you’ve realized that you are in fact afraid of him.

 

“I didn’t want to wake you up,” you cover a yawn with the back of your hand, “I was having trouble sleeping…nightmares,” you add that last word on quietly.

 

His voice gets soft and caring, “You get _any_ sleep?”

 

“Just a bit.”

 

“Next time, wake me up. You’re ever scared or upset, you wake me up, okay?”

 

“Shane, you don’t –“

 

“No, there’s none of that.  You need me, I’m there,” he leans down and kisses you softly, “I’ll always be there.”

 

“Thank you,” you mumble against his lips, slowing pulling him down to deepen the kiss a bit.

 

He pulls away and settles down onto his back, arm coming around to pull you into him, “What do you need me to do?”

 

You lay your cheek against his smooth chest and trail your fingertips along his torso, “I don’t know.  I just think all the shit from yesterday got to me.”

 

He tucks his other hand under his head as he caresses your side, “Alright, so you need something better to think about…” he says more to himself.

 

After a few seconds of silence, he chimes back in, “Alright, how ‘bout I tell you a love story?”

 

It’s the last thing you expected for him to say so you can’t help but snort at his answer.  Sliding your cheek to his shoulder to look at him, “A love story?”

 

Lips twitching to hold back a smirk, he looks at you before continuing, “Yeah, ‘bout a guy that we’ll call…Shawn.”

 

And instantly you know what story he’s about to tell. Shawn, Shane…story will be one that you know.

 

Laughing, you give his side a gentle pinch, “Really? Shawn?”

 

Shane laughs with you because he knows he’s made it obvious, but he’s determined to go a bit more, “Yeah.”

 

“And who did this Shawn fall in love with?” you slip your leg between his as you look at him.

 

“Beautiful woman,” he states, “Gorgeous.  Met her while camping out at a - “

 

“Quarry?” you raise a brow. 

 

Shane looks at you and playfully glares before saying, “Lake.”

 

You can’t help but laugh again, “So another word for quarry basically.”

 

“You’re ruining my story.”

 

“I’m pretty sure I know the story,” you kiss his chest, “What’s this woman look like?” you playfully challenge him.  If he describes anyone other than you then the story gets ruined.

 

Shane smooths his hand over your hip as he looks at you, “She’s got the softest hair that you never want to stop running your hands through. Eyes you get lost in.  And a smile that brightens the darkest days.”

 

The sweetness of his words has you move to lean up on his chest, face dropping to kiss him.

 

Shane’s arms wrap around you in a hug as you drop your face to his neck.

 

“So how’s the story end?” you mumble against him.

 

His voice is softer now, more real, “In a perfect world?”

 

“In our world,” you answer quietly.

 

The scrape of his stubble is against your cheek as he turns his face more towards yours, one hand of his sliding down to your ass, “He makes sure she always knows how in love with her he is.”

 

Your palm lays against his jaw as you lift your head to look into his eyes, then you press your lips to his in a sweet kiss before pulling back and running a thumb across his mouth, “And he knows it goes both ways, right? That her heart belongs to him?”

 

Shane runs his fingertips across your temple as he looks at you, his answer in a small nod, “It’s what keeps him goin’.”

 

Those soft lips of yours curve into a grin at his words and you kiss him again. 

 

Settling down on him, you drape your arm on his shoulder as you tuck your head against his neck.  Shane leans his head back to kiss your forehead before pressing his cheek back against it.  One hand moves back and forth across your shoulder blades as his other trails along your lower spine.

 

“Tell me something about you that I don’t know,” he softly requests. 

 

Eyes closed against his warm skin, his bid to help you fall asleep starting to take effect, you hum in thought.

 

“I like to draw.”

 

“Yeah?” Shane asks with interest.

 

“It helped me relax after a stressful day, just did it as a hobby.  But I miss it, especially now,” you gently share, “What about you?”

 

“I wasn’t too bad with cookin’,” and he feels your soft grin against skin.

 

“I’d love to see you in an apron.”

 

He snorts, “No apron, baby.  Shirtless, maybe.”

 

“Still sexy,” and he breathes out a laugh at that, “You always been good at cooking?” and he hears the way your voice is getting tired and he smooths his hand over your ass.

 

“Nah, not even close.  But after gettin’ my own place, livin’ that bachelor life, take out wasn’t the best option for a Deputy tryin’ to stay fit.  So, I bought a few cookbooks, started with some simple shit but found I actually enjoyed doin’ it.”

 

A warm breath hits his neck when you breathe through your nose in a relaxed sigh, “I’d love to have seen you cook.”

 

A tender grin on his face at the dream of it, “Could have sat at the island, drawin’ me doin’ it while I cooked you up somethin’ real good.”

 

So tired, you barely muster up anything but a huff of air as an amused response before mumbling with sincerity, “Sounds perfect.”

 

And just as you drift off to sleep, you catch his words, “Sure does,” his lips pressing to your skin.

 

\---

 

That afternoon, a small group of you head out for another search for Sophia.  Rick never pairs you and Shane together, which doesn't bother you as much as he may think.  Being paired with him would be great, but it wasn't the end of the world if you weren't, it's not high school.  Paired with T-Dog, you set off on your designated path.  Rick and Shane take another while Andrea and Daryl take the third.  

 

It almost feels monotonousness at this point.  Always the same thing, nothing ever coming up new.  T-Dog hammers in the dark green rag against the tree and you're both moving on once again.  T-Dog always seems to stay ahead of you and you wonder if every man in this group is chivalrous when it just didn't seem that any man really was anymore prior to the start of the ZA.  

 

Both of you are looking into the woods, looking for any sign of the little girl, when you hear a thud followed by male groaning as you turn to see T-Dog on the ground holding his knee.  

 

"Stepped in a goddamn hole!" he exclaims as you spot the dip in the dirt.  Looks like an old animal burrow from what you can guess.  

 

"You alright? Can you stand?" you shove your gun in the back of your pants as you crouch down. 

 

"Shit! I don't know," he squeezes his eyes shut in pain as he tries to put just a hint of weight on it.  Shaking his head and looking at you, "I don't think I can."  

 

"Alright, come on, you can lean on me and we'll head back," you start kneeling and shifting yourself closer, trying to find a good position to possibly help him up.  He slings an arm around your shoulder and gripping his mid-section you try to stand with him, but his weight is too much for you at the bad stance you're in and you barely move up an inch before you're both tumbling back down.  A stick stabs your back making you hiss but you're too determined to get T out of there.  You move into a different position and once again both of you try to stand up somehow when he abruptly lets you go, falling back to the ground with a thud and grabs his gun, firing it.

 

With his action, you snap your head to the side and see a walker fall to the ground.  Shocked at the unexpected appearance of a walker, since none of you have really come across any since finding the farm, you turn back to look at T-Dog who’s looking back at you.

 

Then you hear it, you hear the sounds of twigs snapping and low snarling, both getting a bit louder with each second that passes.  Looking around you both, you see a large group of walkers descending upon the two of you.  

 

"Go!" T urgently shouts.

 

Looking at the injured man with shock, "No! We'll be fine, we'll - we'll get out of this together." 

 

Quickly, you take out your gun and hand it to him as he looks up at you with wide eyes. 

 

"Take it!  When you run out of ammo with yours, use mine," and you pull out the folding utility knife you carry in your pocket.

 

There's no more time for discussion because the hoard is right there. 

 

And it's complete chaos.

 

Trying to stay out of T-Dog's way, but trying to keep an eye on all sides since he can't move, you take out as many as you can with your blade. 

 

~~

 

At the sound of gunshots in the distance, Shane and Rick quickly look at each other.  

 

They both take off running towards it, with Shane in the lead as his heart races.

 

~~

 

The growling doesn’t stop and the intense smell of rotting flesh would be making you gag if you weren’t fighting to save your life right now. 

 

Too many get too close as you and T work together.  

 

Both of you have near misses that only make you think one of these things will finally get a bite in. 

 

At one point, you step back and trip over T's legs.  Falling back, you feel your body connect with a walker, knocking it down.  

 

Scrambling up and away from it as fast as you can, you quickly turn around and stabbed its head while it's on the ground.

 

"You good?" T shouts with fear. 

 

"Yeah,” you answer quickly.

 

As you turn, you find yourself freezing for the first time since it started.  A couple feet away is a child walker.  Male.  You'd never seen one before.  It instantly breaks your heart.

 

You think of Carl and Sophia and you just stare at it, until T-Dog's yelling finally reaches your ears. 

 

Snapping out of it, you stab the head of it and you try not to think too hard about killing a once was child. 

 

T yells as one trips over him and reaches for him.  He's out of ammo as is evident from the clicking every time he pulls the trigger. 

 

You fall to your knees and stab it before it can get him.  

 

Out of breath, you both look to see several more heading for you.  It seems endless. 

 

The look you two share is solemn, one that conveys you both are thinking the same thing – this may be it for you two.

 

Trying to push the somber thought away, you squeeze his calf in weak reassurance and stand back up as two more walkers converge on you. 

 

An open mouth groan reeking of death hits you in the face as you grab one’s shoulder to steady it as you jab your knife clean through it’s head, only to shove it back and do the same to the one right next to it.

 

T-Dog starts yelling your name and you spin around to see one grabbing onto him, its head leaning down as it opens its mouth.  He throws an elbow to try to get it off but you quickly come up on it and kick it back before dropping to your knees over it and plunging your blade into it’s brittle skull. 

 

Then you both hear, "Hey!" and look to see Shane and Rick coming through the trees, guns firing at the remaining walkers, every shot hitting a target. 

 

You stay down next to T, trying to gather yourself as each walker is being put down.

 

Andrea and Daryl come from the other side, assisting in the ambush.  

 

When there's nothing but a circle of dead walkers surrounding you, you feel Shane grab your arms and lift you into standing up as T starts telling the others that he can't stand on his own. 

 

Blood splatter is all over your face and clothes, same as with T-Dog. 

 

Before Shane can say anything, you're quietly telling him, "I think I was bit," worry evident in your eyes and voice.

 

"What? Where?" And his eyes widen at your confession before his hands start running down your arms checking for any marks, waiting for your answer.

 

"My back, it stings. Oh god, Shane?" unsure of what will happen.

 

Shane unintentionally turns you around roughly and lifts your shirt, running a hand down your back.  

 

"No," he says with a breath of relief and he reaches around to grab your chin, his forehead pressed to the back of your head, "No, it's just some scrape. No bite." 

 

Then his arms wrap around you in a hug, lips moving near your ear, "No bite," he says again, maybe for himself.  You just close your eyes and nod against him.  He lets you go and moves back in front of you, "You okay otherwise?" and he pulls one of the blue rags from his pocket and starts carefully wiping the blood from your face.

 

"Yeah, just terrified, but yeah," you realize your hands are shaking. 

 

Not just your hands apparently when Shane says next, "You're shaking," his hands naturally rubbing your arms. It's at that moment you realize your breathing picks up again and Shane's hands quickly move to your face making you look at him.  His voice is calmer than before, but you still see the worry in his eyes, "You're okay, baby.  Just listen to me, okay?  You're fine.  We're gonna head back and I'm gonna clean you up. You hear me?  Hey, hey, just relax.  I'm right here. I'm right here." 

 

Rick and Daryl manage to lift T-Dog up on his good leg as Andrea picks up the two empty guns that he used. 

 

Shane next takes one of your hands and places it on his torso, "I want you to try to breathe in time with me, okay? Focus on the slow breaths I'm taking," and he moves your other hand to your own stomach, holding it there, "Your body is goin’ into shock," he tells you evenly, "So let's get you out of it, alright?" 

 

You just nod, mouth feeling dry.

 

He proceeds to breathe in and breathe out with you, instructing you on when to inhale and exhale until your breathing starts to match his and you don't feel as shaky. 

 

When he feels like you're okay, he looks into your eyes, "Hey," he whispers.

 

"Hey," you repeat back.

 

"You did real good out here," his hands gently cradle your face, "Real good."

 

All you can do is nod.

 

“Let’s go,” Rick announces as he has one of T’s arms draped over his shoulders.

 

Shane looks over his shoulder at him before looking back at you, “Come on,” he urges softly. His hand on your back nudges you forward as he stays in the back of the group to cover the rear.  Andrea takes lead as she guides you all back to the farm.

 

While Hershel tends to T’s knee inside the house, Shane has you upstairs in the bathroom.  Sitting on the toilet lid, Shane uses a wet rag to gently wipe the blood drops from your face and arms.  You really haven’t said much since getting back except a couple one-word answers.  Hands clasped together, resting against your knees, one which you keep slightly bouncing, your eyes drawn to nothing in particular. 

 

Shane glances at you before standing up from being crouched in front of you.  As he turns the shower on, he looks at you, your eyes still staring into nothing in front of you.  When he’s back in front of you, crouching back down, his hand presses to your bouncing knee, stopping it.  It snaps you out of whatever daze you were in, eyes looking to him.

 

He doesn’t say anything; he just waits for you.

 

When you feel your eyes get watery, you lick your lips and look past him for a second before gathering your words in your head.

 

“Um,” and you hear the emotion in your voice so you take a breath before continuing, “One of ‘em was a kid,” you give a weak shrug as you look at him before you shut your eyes to stop any tears and look down at your lap. 

 

That’s it.  That’s all you have to say for him to understand. 

 

He moves forward, arms wrapping around you in a hug.

 

“You did nothing wrong,” and he voice stays soft.

 

“I know.”

 

“That thing hadn’t been a kid in a long time.”

 

He just feels you nod against his shoulder.  And then he brings his hand to hold the back of your head, his lips brushing your ear, “But I’m sorry you had to do that.”

 

Again, just a nod in response, then two ghosts of a movement when two tears hit his shirt. 

 

Hand rubbing your back soothingly, “Let’s get you in that warm shower, okay?”

 

You sit back and wipe the tears from your cheek, but Shane still uses the back of his finger to wipe some himself.  Laying a hand on his cheek, you give him a quick kiss. 

 

“You too.”

 

Shane runs his hand over your head before bringing his palm to your cheek, then gives a small nod, “Okay,” he kisses you softly. 

 

He grabs the hem of your shirt and as he stands, you lift your arms, and he pulls it up and off of you.  Standing up, you finish undressing yourself as Shane does the same.  His arm wraps around you from behind and he presses a kiss to the back of your head before letting you go. 

 

Stepping into the shower first, Shane follows while pulling the curtain closed behind him. 

 

You dip your head back to wet your hair, then run your hands down your face to wipe the water away.  Shane cups your cheek and pulls you into him by your hip.  As he kisses you, you wrap your arms around his torso.  When you pull away, you kiss along his jaw, before hugging yourself to him.

 

This day could have ended so much worse.

 

Shane moves his arm to wrap around your lower back, then slides his other hand into your wet hair.  And he holds you like that, his lips pressing against your head. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smut included

“We almost lost two of our people, man!”  Shane roughly wipes at his mouth before taking a step back, half turning away from the man in front of him. 

 

“But we didn’t! We carry guns on the searches for this exact reason,” Rick argues his point.

 

After dinner had finished, Shane asked to talk to Rick so they walked far enough away so they were out of ear shot.  In the pitch black, it’s hard to even see them, but occasionally you see movement of Shane’s arm as he animatedly argues his point you can only guess.  When he gets frustrated, he tends to gesture more.

 

“Goddamn it, Rick!  What’s it gonna take for you to realize that these searches ain’t worth the risk?  You need someone to die?!  You want another Amy, another Jim?”

 

“Hey! HEY! That isn’t fair.  We have a lost child out there, Shane! A lost _child_! How does that mean nothing to you?!”

 

Shane sighs in frustration, hanging his head for a brief second before speaking with a calmer tone, “Rick, man, you really think she’s still out there? We haven’t gotten any closer to findin’ her.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Rick shakes his head, his voice softer than before.

 

A humorless laugh leaves Shane before he pinches the bridge of his nose, “Nah, man, I do.”

 

And Shane should have guessed that Rick would say something like this.

 

“You’d be feeling this same way if one of the people attacked today wasn’t someone you were also sleeping with? You’d care this much if it was Daryl and Andrea who got attacked?”

 

Even though he should have expected it, it still causes a surge of anger inside of him.  Shane has to squeeze his hands into fists to stop himself from doing something stupid, something he promised you that he would try not to do. 

 

“For a smart guy, you’re real fuckin’ stupid sometimes,” Shane says low, “You got no argument so you keep using her to get at me?” And he takes a step closer to Rick, “You know how fuckin’ weak that is?”

 

Rick stands his ground, “Didn’t hear an answer in there.”

 

Shane steps back and shakes his head, he fits his hands to his hips, “Yeah, cause you ain’t gettin’ one. You wanna deflect from the real problem here, go ahead, but I ain’t gonna help ya do it.  That little girl is long gone and every time you have any of us out there, you’re puttin’ our lives at risk.  We already lost T-dog for at least a week now, so we’re down to five.”

 

Before Rick can say anything, Shane continues, “But hey, if you’re so set on keepin’ on with them, why don’t you have Lori be our sixth man?  You know, seein’ as how to you havin’ someone you love be in danger ain’t no big thing.”

 

The two man just stare at each other with anger before Shane stalks off, leaving Rick standing alone.

 

There’s only a small lamp on in your tent, you need the light as you sharpen your knife.  The night was cooler than last so after stripping down to just your panties, you put on one of Shane’s button downs. 

 

Just as you finish packing away your knife and the sharpening block, the tent flap unzips and Shane steps in, zipping the flap back up before turning around. 

 

“Everything okay?” you ask.

 

But Shane doesn’t answer right away, he takes you all in and a small grin appears on his face.  He takes off his cap and tosses it to the side before kneeling down in front of you. 

 

You can’t help but smile as he slides a hand into the back of your hair and as he lays down on his side, gently guides you back to lay down with him. 

 

Noses almost touching, you brush the tip of yours against his and he smiles, moving his hand to your cheek.  Shane kisses you, his thumb brushing the corner of your mouth.

 

He takes his time ending it, your hand slipping under the hem of his shirt to smooth up his side. 

 

When he does pull away, he presses his lips next to your nose then pulls back to look at you.

 

“You fight with him?” you quietly ask, fingertips graze along his torso, gliding down to the waistband of his pants.

 

“Yeah, but I’m startin’ to get used to that,” he answers honestly, his hand sweetly petting the side of your face a couple times, thumb smoothing along your brow then your chin.

 

Removing your hand from under his shirt, you grasp his chin with care.  Brushing your thumb below his bottom lip, “Was it about the searches?”

 

A lopsided smile on his face, “That easy to guess, huh?”

 

You nod, pressing your lips to his in a peck. 

 

“Can you blame me?”

 

“No.  I’d be more surprised if you hadn’t tried to end them after what happened today.  But we’re still here, Shane.  We still should look.”

 

He kisses you quickly, then moves to lean over you, guiding you onto your back.

 

“Any chance you’d sit them out?” he drops his head, his lips softly pressing kisses down your neck.

 

Biting your lip, you weakly shake your head and give a hum of disagreement.

 

“Yeah,” his breath hits your collarbone, then you feel a kiss placed at the flesh of your bare breast as he pushes the fabric aside, “Didn’t think so.”

 

More kisses placed on your other breast before more are trailed down your sternum.  Shane then sits up on his knees and starts unbuttoning his shirt, “Stubborn woman,” but he says it with a proud grin.

 

You bend your knee and place your foot on his crotch, your toes feeling his length beneath the material, “Impatient woman,” you correct him.

 

He watches your foot rub him before giving you that look of heated want.  Shane pulls his shirt off his shoulders then turns the lamp off before crawling back over you with a smirk.

 

\---

 

The morning has the whole group settled around the tents as breakfast is consumed.  No one is really openly talking.  Lori and Rick are speaking quietly with each other here and there, but otherwise it’s just the sound of the sizzle of the eggs Carol is cooking over a fire. 

 

Shane has you between his legs as he’s sitting against the trunk of a nearby tree.  Leaning back against him, you eat your hand out of eggs as Shane holds his plate at your knee and lifts his fork over your shoulder to eat his. 

 

When you finish yours up, you place your plate on the ground next to him and turn a bit to settle more into him.  Shane moves his plate accordingly and keeps his arms around you as you lay your cheek against his shoulder, closing your eyes as you wait for everyone to finish so chores can be divided up and the day can start.  His body moves a bit as he chews his eggs, but then you hear him put his plate to the side and feel his hold on you tighten. 

 

“Fallin’ asleep on me?” he dips his head down and whispers against your skin.

 

A smirk on your face, but keeping your eyes closed, “You’re kind of boring, so maybe.”

 

With that Shane gives you a playful pinch at your hip which makes your eyes shoot open. A wiggle and a quick ‘Hey!’ before you start quietly laughing, as does Shane. He pulls you closer after your reaction and tilts his head, kissing you. 

 

“Boring my ass,” he mumbles under his breath with a smirk when he pulls away from your lips. 

 

Neither of you see Rick and Lori stealing glances your way at the small little commotion you two just made.

 

He just makes you laugh more, and you place a hand on his cheek before kissing him again. 

 

“What are you doing today? Can I come with?” you ask him quietly after the kiss. 

 

“Told Rick I’d build a perch on the windmill.  Gotta cut up some wood then haul it over there.  How about when I’m ready to load up the car, I come get you?”

 

“Yeah, okay,” you nod in agreement.  Shane kisses your head then pulls you close as he settles back against the tree.

 

Once breakfast was finished, Rick stated the duties for the day and directed some people to what they should do.   He gave you the chore of tending to the chickens, which includes feeding them and gathering any eggs, so you took care of that right away.  It worked out because once you were done, Shane called you over shortly after as he loaded the wood into the back of the Hyundai.  

 

Together, you drive over to the windmill which is set a good distance away from the house and the campsite. 

 

“Did you bring a hammer for me too?” you ask as you see him grab one from the trunk and flip it in his hand before slipping into the front of his waistband.

 

“I’m not havin’ you climb up there,” he says it like he can’t believe you’d think he would.

 

As soon as your hands go on your hips, he reads you like a book, “Alright now, don’t get all pissed at me.  This ain’t some bullshit misogynistic crap, and you know it,” he points a finger at you as he picks up a piece of wood and hauls it onto his shoulder. 

 

You have to fight back a smile, because even though you are annoyed, Shane using ‘misogynistic’ is because of you.  You kind of taught him what that word meant when you’d vent about some of things the guys in the group have said, including himself. 

 

“Well, if you thought I could handle it, you’d have brought a hammer for me too.  Because I know you just as well Shane, and you’re going to say ‘It ain’t that I don’t think you can do it’,” and you do your best Shane impression, before going back to your normal voice, “But if that were true, then that means you also believe that I wouldn’t get hurt climbing up there.”

 

He just looks at you, but you see the corner of his mouth quirked up into something of a smirk, “Was that supposed to be me?”

 

“Don’t play cute, Walsh.”

 

Shane shakes his head with a grin and picks up a box of nails, slipping it into his pocket.  He doesn’t say anything though as he walks around you towards the bottom of the windmill.

 

“Well?” you ask a bit frustrated.

 

Shane sighs and leans the wood against the metal before turning to look at you, “You realize there’s a difference between thinkin’ you can do somethin’ and actually makin’ you do it, right?”

 

“This sounds like it has the potential to piss me off, so you better explain more,” you cross your arms against your chest.

 

He rubs at his head with a frustrated, quiet groan before looking at you again, “You can fire a gun.  I’ve seen you do it.  So, if you had protect yourself, had to kill someone?  You’d do it no problem. Fair to say?”

 

“Yes,” you answer.

 

“Alright. Well let’s say we got in a dangerous situation.  We gotta head into some unknown area where potential threats could very well be.  Now we’re armed with weapons, we have protection if we need it.  But do I want you to be in that dangerous situation in the first place? Do I want you to have make that decision of pulling the trigger or having to protect yourself in the first place? No.”

 

And you don’t say anything because the understanding sinks in more.

 

“See the difference?” he questions.

 

And he notices your eyes soften and you just simply nod, your arms lowering back to your sides.

 

Shane’s voice softens as he gets your answer, “If I can do something risky or dangerous instead of you doin’ it, then I will.  Keepin’ you safe always comes first for me.  That’s all that this is.  That’s all it ever is.”

 

Walking the short distance to him, he licks his lips then grins as you stand in front of him. 

 

“You make it very hard to be mad at you.  It used to be easy when you came across as just a hothead.  But ever since you’ve gone soft on me,” and you throw that in with a smile just to tease him, “it gets harder and harder to stay mad.”

 

“So sorry to disappoint,” he smiles, “And I have not gone soft.”

 

With that, you snake your arms around his waist with a grin and bring your face closer to his, “For me you have,” you whisper and lightly press your lips to his. 

 

Shane can’t keep up his front and his arms move around you, pressing his lips more against yours to deepen the kiss. 

 

As you slowly pull away, you say low, “But I’m still going to climb up there because I want to try it.”

 

He stares at you for a beat before letting you go with a sigh, “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

 

Laughing, you rub your hand along his shoulder as you follow him as he picks the piece of wood back up. 

 

He motions with his head to the windmill, “Then you climb up first so I’m behind you if somethin’ happens.  We’re going to that third square up there.  When you get there, _carefully_ move over so I can put this in place.”

 

“No, I’m gonna swing like Tarzan,” you roll your eyes, “And you’re worried about me, but you’re climbing up there with one arm essentially.”

 

Shane takes his free arm and flexes to show his bicep through his shirt sleeve, “Think I’ll be fine.”

 

But you stare at his bicep for a little too long and when Shane chuckles you look at him where he says, “You can touch it later.  Go on, baby,” and he juts his chin towards the structure.

 

Another roll of your eyes which makes him laugh again, and you start climbing up with Shane below you.

 

As he instructed, you move over when you get to the right spot, and he places the wood on the supporting square.  Then he pulls the hammer out of his waistband and hands it to you.

 

“I gotta get a second piece then you can start bashing that thing.”

 

You shake your head with a grin as he laughs and descends back to the ground.  Soon enough you feel the structure move a bit when he starts climbing back up. 

 

As he grips the structure with one hand, he lines up the second piece of wood.  Once he does that, he grabs a nail out of his pocket and after again messing with the alignment, he holds the nail over the wood and looks at you.

 

“What?”

 

“Time to do your thing.”

 

“While you’re holding it?” you ask alarmed.

 

“How else you gonna do it? We each have one hand while we’re up here.”

 

“I can loop my arm around that pole and hold the nail with one hand while I hit with the other.  If you hold it, I just know I’ll end up hitting your thumb.”

 

He hangs his head for a second but doesn’t say anything.  Instead, he shifts himself over and has you come to where he had been.  As you loop you arm around the pole, you feel Shane’s body press against your back as he positions himself right up against you, holding onto the structure to keep himself steady behind you.

 

A look over your shoulder is met with his words, “I’ll keep you steady, just in case.”

 

You take the nail from his hand and after holding it where he said to, you bang it into the wood with the hammer.  With your task successful, both of you climb back down to the ground.

 

Shane raises a brow when you hold out the hammer to him.

 

“I think having us both up there will draw this out longer than needed.”

 

“Probably,” he agrees, “But you did good,” and he kisses your temple as he sticks the hammer in his waistband and grabs another piece of wood before scaling the windmill again.

 

You lean against the side of the car, watching as he is able to hold the wood over one shoulder while using his free arm to climb.  You watch as he holds the nail between his teeth before somehow keeping himself steady enough to hammer it in. 

 

He does this a couple of times, when he comes back down for another 2x4.  There’re a few droplets of sweat that glisten on his chest and neck.  You’ve been watching his muscles move under his shirt at his exertions.  Before he can fully pass you to walk to the opened trunk, you grab his arm.

 

“How ‘bout a break?” you ask, but it’s the tone you use to ask that has Shane looking you over a bit more.

 

“Yeah? Right here?” that sexy smirk on his face as his hands fit to your hips as you grip the front of his shirt and pull him towards you.

 

“You’re pretty sexy as a handyman,” you give a short laugh as you smile at him, “And we’re a good distance away.  And I don’t see anyone else around, do you?” you run a fingertip down his exposed chest before you unbuckle his belt. 

 

Shane smirks as he gives a quick look around.  Doesn’t seem like anyone would be able to see since they’re on the other side of the car.

 

After you get his belt undone, you take care of your own before unbuttoning your jeans, Shane doing the same to his own.   As Shane pulls his dick out, he pumps his hand over himself a few times and groans with arousal as you turn around and push your underwear and jeans down in one motion. 

 

With your chest pressed against the window, you spread your legs a bit and look over your shoulder at him.

 

Shane presses his chest to your back and gives you a good kiss over your shoulder before lining himself up with your folds and pushing up into you.  The feeling of him filling you has you dropping your head in pleasure.

 

Shane slides his arm around you, palming your breast through your shirt, as he keeps a grip on your hip with his other. 

 

“Jesus, Shane,” you moan as he thrusts hard and quick.

 

“You have no idea how fuckin’ good you feel,” he grunts out as he presses against your back more and you feel his thighs against yours.

 

“Oh my god,” you press your palms against the side of the car as you feel the pleasure start building faster.

 

“Please,” you whine with a moan.

 

Shane quickly uses his foot to nudge your feet apart a bit more, and his hands pull your hips back so you lean forward a little.  And with that slight change of position, your body is buzzing on the edge.

 

The sound of skin slapping is louder to your ears, but you feel your orgasm building tenfold. 

 

“Holy shit,” you breath out through a higher pitched moan, and you blindly reach back, fingers digging into his buttocks, “Oh, fuck.”

 

Shane leans forward to cover your body with his.  One hand abandons your hip to hold onto the roof of the car as he thrusts deeper, and his other arm wraps around your hips to keep himself right against you.

 

Still bracing yourself against the car, you hang your head at times as he hits your sweet spot over and over. 

 

“Ohhh, yes…oh my god,” you start as your legs start to tremble.  Grabbing his arm at your waist, you yank his hand up to cover your mouth and after a few more deep, hard thrusts, your body tremors as a muffled scream of intense pleasure sounds from behind his hand.

 

It’s only seconds later that you feel his lips parted against your hair as a deep groan leaves his body as his cock twitches inside of you at his release.

 

Body limp against the car, and Shane resting against your back, you both stay like that, him still inside of you, as you both catch your breath.

 

“Fuck me,” he says in a breathless exclamation. 

 

But it makes a small laugh leave you as you turn to look at him over your shoulder again. 

 

And he chuckles before leaning his forehead against your temple, voice low, “Or you want to me to fuck you again?” he teases.

 

With a gentle push back against him, you answer, “You always know the answer to that.”

 

When he kisses you hard, it’s with a smile.  Your body quivers again when you feel him pull out of you.  Quickly you pull up your panties and jeans and you can hear Shane moving behind you as he tucks himself back into his pants and zips his fly back up. 

 

Turning around, your back against the car, Shane steps up to you, lips instantly on yours. 

 

Not long after, the mini makeout session gets interrupted by someone clearing their throat. 

 

Both of you pull back from one another, Shane wiping his hand over his mouth and down his chin as he steps back with a hand on his hip as you both turn to see a flustered Glenn standing there. 

 

“Uh, hey,” he puts his hand up in an awkward greeting, “Sorry for, uh, for interrupting, I just was, uh –“

 

“Spit it out Glenn,” Shane states which earns him a glare from you for being rude.

 

“Right, uh,” and he looks to you, “Maggie’s gotta head into town for supplies, she’s gonna bring me along so I know the route.  Figured you should probably come with since we used to do it back at the quarry.”

 

Excited to get off the farm for a bit, despite the nerves of the unknown out there, you nod, “Yeah, absolutely.” 

 

You can feel Shane’s eyes on you so you tell Glenn you’ll be there in a minute and send him back towards the house.

 

Sure enough, when you turn to look at your boyfriend, he’s already looking at you. 

 

“You were just attacked yesterday,” he reminds you with a calmer voice than you were expecting.

 

“I still should go with them.”

 

“Why?”

 

 “… _because_ I’m scared from yesterday,” your eyes casting to the ground as you dig the tip of your boot into the dirt as a distraction.

 

There’s no response from him except him moving to be back in front of you, his hand coming up to comb his fingers through your hair which brings you to look at him.

 

“I’m afraid to get caught in something like that again,” you admit, “I really didn’t think T and I would make it out,” and you lick your lips as you try to swallow down the emotions that want to flood out at how sick you felt thinking you’d never see Shane again.

 

“I really had a moment there where I thought…I thought you’d find us laying there bleeding to death…” and he hears the waver to your voice.  A kiss is pressed to your forehead.

 

Once you gather yourself again, you add, “But I can’t be scared, Shane.”

 

“Yeah, you can. You have every right to be.”

 

“You don’t get it.”

 

“What?”

 

Tears fill your eyes and you reach out to finger the buttons of his shirt before looking at him, “We don’t talk about it, which is fine because I’d rather not, but I can’t be scared to go out there, to face things like that, without you…because if…if something were to ever happen where you aren’t here with me anymore…I need to be able to still be okay to face this world on my own.”

 

He slips an arm around your waist, his other hand molding to your neck, “You have any idea how much I hate that you have to worry about that?” and his own eyes have a sheen to them now.

 

“Yeah,” you manage to say as you quickly swipe at a stray tear. 

 

“Jesus,” he breathes when he brings his forehead to yours, because deep down he understands what you’re saying.  And he couldn’t respect you more for it.

 

You rub his sides and look to him when he pulls his head away to look at you fully.

 

“You be careful. Okay? Go get yourself a weapon from Dale and stay alert,” he gently instructs.

 

Despite what you shared you’re still a bit surprised to not see the hard-headed man you usually would.  Instead, it’s the face of worried loved one who’s trying to be alright about this.

 

“As much as I want you here with me, I never want you to feel like I’m holdin’ you back from doin’ somethin’ you feel you need to do.”

 

It brings a small grin to your face, “Thank you,” as you kiss him.

 

But his arms secure you tightly against him, and you feel his breathing has quickened as his nerves take over him.

 

“You know if we somehow had been together before all this, I’d be just as worried every time you left for work,” and you say it to maybe make him smile.  And it works for only a second. When he loosens his grip on you to look at you, the smirk is there then gone.

 

“Difference is I had a bullet proof vest against guns.  You have Glenn against the undead.”

 

You give him a gentle poke at his dig at Glenn, then you grasp his face and kiss him. 

 

“Hey,” he gently states, and you look at him.  But he doesn’t say anything else, he just looks at you.

 

But his eyes say everything that he can’t seem to voice out loud. It makes you emotional and you don’t want to leave things so heavy with him.

 

Smoothing your hands up his chest, “When I get back, will you tell me one of your work stories again?” because planning for the future, no matter how short, is better than not planning one at all.

 

He knows exactly what you’re doing, but he smiles all the same, “Which one you wanna hear again?”

 

“The drunk guy who wouldn’t stop stripping,” and you both laugh at your answer. 

 

Shane’s hand comes up to cradle your cheek, “Not one where I save the day, huh?” kissing your brow with a grin.

 

With a smirk, you shake your head against his palm as he tilts his head and moves in, lips capturing yours.

 

His thumb brushes below your bottom lip, “You got it.”

 

“Don’t fall off that thing, please,” referring to the windmill that he isn’t finished with yet.

 

“You make sure you’re here to hear that story again and I promise not to fall off, deal?”

 

“Deal,” you slide your hand along his stubble. Then you bring it to slide inside his shirt, pushing the fabric away from his chest before pressing a kiss over his heart.  He cradles the back of your head there and kisses your temple.

 

With a gentle grin, you grip his stubbled chin playfully then head off to meet Glenn and Maggie. 

 

He’s up on the windmill when he sees you sitting behind Maggie on a horse with Glenn on a second one.  It does nothing to ease his fears knowing that you’re exposed like that instead of being safer inside a vehicle.  Yet the only thing he can do is watch you leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE GET SHANE BACK TOMORROW!!!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By some miracle, this next chapter is all done! So I'm just gonna post it lol
> 
> *some dialogue taken from TWD*

Shane finished with the perch about a half hour later.  He drives his car back, next to the little campsite.  When he heads towards the house to return the hammer and nails he borrowed from Hershel, he sees T-Dog sitting on the outside steps.

 

With T’s inability to move quick, Hershel has allowed him to stay inside the house until he gets better so that he’s protected better.

 

“What’s up, T-Dog?  How’s the knee?” Shane stops to talk with him; a leg up on a step as he leans his side against the house.

 

“Hurts like hell,” T shakes his head in annoyance, “But Hershel still says should be good in about a week.”

 

“That ain’t too bad at least.”

 

“Yeah.  Hey, how’s your girl?  I didn’t get a chance to ask her before she left with Glenn and Maggie.”

 

And Shane can’t stop the smirk on his face because it’s the first time someone has spoken of you as his girlfriend. With the exception of Rick, who tries to use it as a bad thing against him.

 

“She’s okay.  Still a bit shaken up from it…” and Shane tilts his head side to side, “…but she’s alright.  Thanks for askin’, man.  And I meant to thank you myself.  For havin’ her back like you did.”

 

“Hell, she had my back.  Second I saw the lot of them comin’ at us I told her to get outta there.  Was no way she was gonna be able to get my big ass back here on her own.  She wasn’t having it though.  Gave me her gun right away as back up for my own and just whipped out that knife.  Had a few more close calls sitting on that goddamn ground during that crap.  She saved me each time. She’s somethin’ else, man.”

 

That part of the story you left out.  Aside from the trauma of having to kill what was clearly once a child, you made the story simple – walkers came out of no where and you and T worked together to take them out. No extra details really.  But now, knowing what exactly went down, now he understands why you kept it so simple.  You aren’t one for patting yourself on the back.

 

With that last line from T, Shane gently nods, “Don’t I know it.” With a pat on his shoulder, Shane jogs up the stairs and heads inside.  He puts the tools back in the open toolbox that Hershel left on the table and heads back outside.

 

Then Dale stops him mid-walk as he’s on his way towards Rick. 

 

“Shane.”

 

The leftover anger from what Dale said to you surges in his chest and he actively tries to control it before he turns around to face the older man.

 

“You got balls talkin’ to me,” an even tone.

 

Dale nods knowingly, “See she told you what I said.”

 

“You really think she wouldn’t?” then it hits him and with a click of the tongue, he nods, “Yeah, you actually thought she wouldn’t,” with a shake of his head next.

 

Shane then looks at him, “One dumbass conversation with you was gonna change everything, huh?” then a humorless laugh, “Figured you were smarter than that.”

 

“Well she clearly has been manipulated by you. So why not do her the favor and leave.  You got a nice car, plenty of fuel – more than enough to get yourself far from here.”

 

Shane takes a step towards him, “Why? ‘Cause you think you’re savin’ someone from the likes of me?” he accuses in a mocking tone, finding this whole crusade of Dale’s beyond fucking ridiculous.

 

“Her, and the group.”

 

“You think the group would be better off without me? A little boy would be dead if I hadn’t of put my ass on the line.”

 

“And Otis’,” Dale is quick to remind him.

 

It stops Shane, a narrowing of his stare.  He has to walk away, he has to.  If he doesn’t, he’s afraid what he might do and he promised you that he’d be better, be smarter.

 

So, he does, he starts to walk away, but Dale keeps on going.

 

“You’ve been awfully vague about that night, about what happened.”

 

Shane stops again and slowly turns back to him, side eyeing him with a huff before fully facing him.

 

“Otis died a hero.”

 

“So, you’ve said.”

 

“A little boy lived because of what went down that night.  I think you ought to show some gratitude,” his mouth set firm as he feels the adrenaline coursing through his veins.

 

“I wasn’t there -“

 

“No man, you weren’t,” Shane practically spits at him.

 

“But I was the time you raised your gun on Rick,” and Dale steps into his space, getting more in his face, getting bolder, “You had him in your sights and you held him there.”

 

Shane takes a step back, running his hand over his head as he shakes his head with annoyance.

 

“I know what kind of man you are,” Dale says with distaste as he looks Shane up and down.

 

It pushes Shane over the edge. This piece of shit throwing the same bullshit in his face that he threw at you.  Knowing more than he should about that night he saved Carl. Telling Shane that he isn’t a good man after everything that he’s done for this group that he’s been with since the beginning. 

 

He’s had enough.

 

He feels the darkness flood through him, that same feeling he had when he aimed that shotgun at Rick’s back. That overwhelming feeling that he’s drowning and you’re not here, his only calming constant that could bring him back from this.

 

Moving to be practically chest to chest with Dale, Shane’s eyes darken as his voice drops to a menacing tone.

 

“You think I’d shoot Rick? That is my best friend. I love him like he’s my brother. You think that’s the kind of man I am?” he has to ask again with simmering anger. Yet in the back of his mind, he knows how pissed off Rick is making him lately.  But he can’t bring that up, not right now.  He needs to keep his argument steady.

 

“That’s right,” Dale agrees, standing his ground as he watches Shane stare at him like he’d kill him right here if he could.

 

“Then maybe we ought to think that through,” Shane’s eyes never leaving his as he continues, “Say I am the kind of man that would gun down his own best friend…what’d you think I do to some guy that I don’t even like, when he starts throwing accusations my way, what do you think?” he snarls.

 

Dale takes a small step back, unable to look away from the anger in front of him.

 

It’s just a staring contest for the next few seconds, Shane’s face an eerie neutral expression before he takes a couple steps back and finally walks away for good.

 

Both hands he uses to rub the sides of his head furiously for a couple seconds as he walks away.  Once at his sides, his hands are clenched into fists that he has to consciously flex to stop himself from appearing like a madman. 

 

When are you getting back?  He needs you.  Needs to pour the truth out, that he let you down already.  But he just needs to see you because that’s enough for him.  You are enough to ease the pain in his heart at everything that’s collecting inside.

 

He finally makes it to Rick, swallows down the anger to hide it, and it’s decided that he and Daryl will take the pick up truck and haul the dead walkers from the run-in yesterday and take them far out on the property to burn them. 

 

It takes them what feels like an hour and a half.  They work as fast as they can to make sure they beat the sun setting.  Thankfully Daryl is a pretty quiet guy for the most part, so Shane doesn’t have to worry about making chit chat.  Instead he can be consumed by his thoughts of what he’s going to say to you and if what he said to Dale is going to spread throughout the group.  He just keeps thinking of you and how he can’t wait to see you when he’s done with this.

 

Except when him and Daryl drive back to everyone, the sun is almost set and the three of you haven’t returned yet.  It’s been about three and half hours since you all left. 

 

He practically jumps out of the car when he scans the group through the windshield and doesn’t see you.

 

“They’re not back?” the sense of bewilderment evident.

 

Carol looks to Shane and shakes her head; Shane can tell she’s worried too.

 

“Anyone try to raise ‘em on the radio?” he looks around and spots Rick walking towards them from the RV.

 

“Glenn forgot to take one,” he’s hesitant to inform his old partner.

 

“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Shane can feel his heart pounding.  Then he jerks his head around until he spots that young farmhand of Hershel’s as he’s heading towards the house from somewhere.  Stalking over to him, he shouts, “Hey!”

 

Jimmy turns his head and sees an angry Shane approaching.  He starts to back up a bit, fearful of what this may be about.

 

“Let’s go,” Shane roughly grabs his arm and starts dragging him towards the cars.

 

“Shane! What the hell are you doing?” Rick jogs over to him, walking backwards in front of them as he tries to stop Shane from he doesn’t even know what yet.

 

“He’s gonna tell me where to turn in order to get into town.  He’d know how they went,” Shane growls as he glances at Rick.  There’s determination in his heavy walk and his focus is only on finding you now.

 

“It’s only been a few hours.  We can’t start sendin’ people out there,” Rick argues.

 

That stops Shane dead in his tracks.  Jimmy lucks out as Shane shoves his arm free from his grasp in order to step into Rick’s space.

 

He feels that fear again, the fear of what he’s capable of when he glares at Rick.

 

“Can’t send people out there?” and Shane walks forward in order to shove his chest against Rick and push him back a few steps as he continues, “But we can keep sendin’ people out there for a girl who’s been gone for over a week?”

 

Rick opens his mouth to bite back with something when Shane cuts him off.

 

“This clearly doesn’t concern you as you’ve made clear, brother. So, do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up,” he points a finger in Rick’s face, brows raised in a warning, before he steps back and grabs Jimmy by the back of the neck then pushes him towards the cars.

 

As Rick, and now Lori, start hovering around him to talk him out of it, Carol shuts everyone up when she points down the dirt road leading to the farm and shouts, “Wait, I think that’s them!”

 

It’s almost dark now, but everyone freezes and squints a bit to see the moving figures way down the road.  Sure enough, a couple minutes of staring, and it becomes clear it’s two horses with people on them. 

 

As soon as he makes them out, his grip loosens on Jimmy, hand dropping to his side in relief as he takes a breath. 

 

It feels like a year before the horses finally make it over to everyone.  Before you’re dismounting off the horse.  Before he has his arms wrapped around you, holding you to him, one hand on the back of your head.

 

“I’m sorry,” he hears you whisper.

 

Because you knew he’d be worried.  The second you heard Maggie say ‘the long way home’ you knew Shane would think the worst happened.  You would have thought the same.

 

But he doesn’t want that from you so he gives a quick shake of his head, ignoring your words to ask, “You okay?”

 

Fingertips grip into his shoulder blades more as you nod against his shoulder, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

Rick steals a quick glance at your reunion as he walks past you two to ask Glenn and Maggie what happened.

 

“A whole mass of them were blocking our way back,” Glenn explains, gripping the straps of the backpack he’s wearing.

 

Maggie adds on, “The only other way was to take the longer route home.  It’s exactly that though…longer.”

 

Daryl claps Glenn on the back, “Lucky for Jimmy you got back when you did. Shane here almost kidnapped him to find you guys.”

 

You lean back in Shane’s arms to look at him when you hear Daryl.

 

To quickly explain, he tells you, “Figured he knew how to get to town.”

 

All you do in response is step back and slide your hand along his jaw before tilting your chin to give him a kiss.

 

“You guys spot anybody else out there?” Andrea asks as she crosses her arms over her chest.

 

Rubbing his sides, you turn around to face everyone, back against his chest. Shane slings his arm over your shoulder and reaches across your chest to grip onto your other one. His lips press to your hair.

 

“Not that we saw,” Maggie answers.

 

“Run into any other problems?” Rick questions.

 

“Just a couple walkers in the store, but she killed them,” Glenn gestures to you.

 

“How ‘bout you remember a radio next time?” Shane throws at him with annoyance.  He gets a slap on his hip when you reach back.  Glenn isn’t deserving of any lashing from anyone in your opinion, even from Shane.  Glenn’s heart has always been in the right place.

 

The look on Glenn’s face tells how sorry he is before he even speaks, “I know, I’m sorry about that,” but his apology is directed more at Rick – the ‘fearless leader'.

 

“It’s alright,” the former Sheriff lets him know.

 

Not long after your return, everyone is sitting around a fire as Dale cooks some meat for everyone for dinner.  It’s dark, and the only light is from the glow of the fire and a few lanterns sitting around.

 

In what’s become a usual spot for you two, you’re settled between Shane’s legs as he sits back against the usual tree.  His arms are wrapped around you, hugging you back against him, and his mouth has been against your head for the past couple minutes.  You know he was worried about you and was obviously happy that you were okay, but he still feels tense to you. 

 

With your arms settled on his that are around you, you grip his elbow, “Babe?”

 

He gives a quick hum of acknowledgment but doesn’t move.

 

You turn your head towards your shoulder so he can hear you, and it forces him to move his head back, “You know, after spending an hour on a horse, I can honestly say that you’re the only stallion that can make my thighs ache more.”

 

Shane breaths out his nose in a weak snort, “Oh yeah?”

 

And that’s what confirms for you that something’s weighing on his mind.  Because that is not even close to the response you would have normally got from him.

 

“Okay, what’s wrong?” you abruptly turn your body to the side so you can see him.

 

“What?”

 

“Something’s on your mind.  You’ve been tense since I got back and your response to what I just said was not your best.”

 

But he doesn’t say anything, instead he drops his gaze to the ground.  He’s not going to have this conversation here.

 

It breaks your heart.  To see him so torn up about whatever this might be about.

 

You grasp his face and lift it, kissing him.  Then you only move until your lips separate from his.  With your noses still touching, you look at him, “I love you,” you tell him with care.  Eyes looking into his to see you can read anything from him.

 

It’s a soft, appreciative grin that he gives you and you smooth your thumbs over it.

 

“I love you, too,” he tips his head to press his forehead to yours.

 

He takes your hand after dinner and walks with you in the darkness, back to where you both started that day – the windmill.

 

Once you’re both up on the perch he made, you both lay back.  Though some of the structure is partially blocking your view, you can still see the sea of stars in the night sky.  Something you can’t see when settled in your tent every night. 

 

“Oh wow,” you breathe.

 

Shane’s arm acts as your pillow as you lay side by side.  His hand coming up over your shoulder where your hand is laced with his.  His thumb smoothing over your smaller knuckles.

 

“You know, I honestly don’t think I’ve really stopped to look at the stars a single night since this whole thing has started,” you quietly share as you continue to admire the beauty of the world, something that is so easy to forget now. 

 

“How sad is that?” you rhetorically ask him, “Out in the middle of nature and the world is so horrible that you forget the little things like gazing at the stars.”

 

With no verbal response from him, you decide to just keep talking in case that’s helping somehow.

 

“You did a good job with this,” and you use your heel to tap on the wood so he knows what you’re referring to.

 

“Dale wants me to leave.”

 

Instantly you turn your head to look at him, but he keeps his face turned towards the sky.

 

“He actually said that to you?”

 

You see him give a short nod as he continues, “Caught up with me to have a conversation. Same shit he pulled with you when I was gone. Same shit about seein’ me havin’ my gun on Rick that day.  Said he knows what kind of man I am.  Thinks the group would be better off without me.  Thinks you’d be better off without me,” he can’t mention the Otis stuff. Not now.

 

Finally, he turns to look at you, “And there’s somethin’ else.”

 

“What?”

 

“I tried.  Believe me, I tried. But he kept comin’ at me with his bullshit…”

 

“Oh my god, did you hit him?” worry in your voice.  Quickly you try to go over in your head if you had seen Dale when you got back.  If you remember seeing any visible marks on him.

 

“No. Somehow I was able to stop myself from doin’ that…but I did threaten him.”

 

And when you let go of his hand, to sit up, he follows suit.  Legs crossed so you can face him, he pulls his knee up, leaning a forearm on it, so he can face you as he finally lets you know what he did.

 

“How bad?” you hesitantly ask.

 

He licks his lips before running his teeth over his bottom one in thought, then runs a hand down the stubble at his jaw, “It, uh, it could be taken as pretty bad.”

 

Running a hand through your hair, you take a breath, “…Tell me, Shane.”

 

His voice low, nowhere near as threatening as he said it to Dale, “I told him that if he really thought I would kill my own best friend, then he should imagine what I’d do to some guy that I didn’t even like who was throwin’ accusations my way.”

 

“Oh my god,” you mutter under your breath in shock.  Voice calm, you say to him, “You told me you wouldn’t get into it with him.”

 

Shane weakly shakes his head then looks at you, “Yeah, well, in my defense, he came at me. I haven’t said two words to that asshole since he upset you.  And my god, did I want to.  I wanted to bash his fuckin’ face in for what he said to you, for makin’ you cry!” and he gets angrier as he goes on, but you touch his arm as a silent reminder to lower his voice.

 

He’s right though.  Shane has it in him to unleash a beast.  You saw it when he beat Ed back in Atlanta.  But you had asked him to keep himself under control and he did.  He steered clear of Dale as best he could within the small camp and in this situation, Dale evidently approached Shane after knowing that the conversation he had with you, Shane had to have known about. 

 

“I’m sorry. You’re right,” you nod, “But threatening his life helps no one, Shane.  I know you know that. You have issues with Rick already, Lori has an attitude about you, and now Dale, aside from what he saw, now has this to hold against you.  What if he tells everyone?”

 

Shane hears you, hears the worry in your tone, and that’s without you even knowing about Otis, or knowing that Dale obviously has him pegged as the murderer he is.  He runs his hand over his shaved head as his emotions twist inside of him. 

 

“I don’t know.”

 

Then there’s a few seconds of silence between you both.  Shane looking down at a rip in your jeans, as you try to think of all the possible scenarios that could play out from this while you keep your gaze on the collar of his shirt.

 

“You know,” you start and he lifts his head to look at you, “You want to protect me, and that’s all I’m trying to do for you, too.”

 

He reaches out and slips his hand around one of yours, “You don’t need to protect me.”

 

“Yes, I do,” you rub your thumb against his skin then look at him, “I want to.  You’re carrying around this sadness and anger inside of you.  Something I don’t blame you for at all.  You deserve to have someone looking out for you as much as you do for other people. You’re important here and you’re important to me. Dale can say what he wants about you, but it doesn’t make it true.  Don’t ever think it’s true,” you shake your head.

 

It makes him grin a bit, the fire in you over his well-being.

 

“And here I thought you’d be yelling at me,” he quietly admits.

 

Confusion at that, you move up on your knees and Shane drops his to happily accommodate you as you straddle his lap, sitting on his thighs.

 

His large hands mold to your hips and slides the hem of your shirt up a bit so he can feel your warm skin against his palms. 

 

A gentle hold of his face, “Is that why you were so quiet before? You were afraid to tell me?” you can’t even believe it.

 

“More like disappointed to tell you,” he shares, “Disappointed that I’d let you down.”

 

You move your thumbs over the grit of stubble at his chin and shake your head, “You could never, Shane Walsh.  You might annoy me sometimes with what you do, but you could never disappoint me.”

 

He has to close his eyes as you say those words.  If you knew everything he’s done, you’d eat your words, he truly believes that.  He can’t look at you as you say such a kind thing when you don’t even know.

 

When he does that, you wonder why, but you just lightly brush your lips over his closed eyelids, “Okay?” you whisper.

 

But his brows knit together like he can’t fully believe that and he just gives the tiniest of nods.

 

He could tell you right now, just lay it all out on the table.  But he’s afraid, more afraid than he was to tell you about this.  There’s a few reasons he’d rather you not know, but how you’d think of him after is a big one.  And with the bullshit of the day, he doesn’t want to risk that chance tonight.  He wants to be able to hold you like this while you’ll still let him.

 

“Baby, look at me,” you plead in a whisper.

 

So, he does.  You never need to plea with him to do anything, he’ll do it.  He opens his eyes to look into yours.

 

“Okay?” you ask again.

 

“Yeah,” he barely gets out.

 

“You don’t believe me,” you state as you move your hands to his chest, the corners of your mouth turned down a bit.

 

“I want to,” he sighs, hands abandoning your torso to lay over your hands.

 

“You think I’d lie to you?” your feelings starting to get hurt.

 

“Hey, no,” he’s firm on that as this time he takes your face in his hands, “No, that’s not it at all.”

 

And you wait for him to explain what this is all about then.  And Shane thinks quick to explain without spilling his darkest secret.

 

“I’ve just, I’ve disappointed people my whole life.  It’s hard to think that there’s anyone out there I can’t do that too.”

 

It rips your heart in two.  There’s some things you know about his life before you found him.  How he grew up with his grandparents because his father left when he was young and his mother was too young to be a responsible parent.  How he was a knucklehead in school all the way through high school.  And weaved in that life were moments you don’t know of where he’s felt like he’s let people down, and you can almost guarantee that includes himself. 

 

It makes a knot in your stomach that he’s ever felt like that, let alone for so long.  And it makes you want to protect his heart all the more. 

 

“Well guess what, Walsh?” you whisper over the lump in your throat as you hold back tears from his sad confession, “You found someone.”

 

This time when he closes his eyes, it’s to stop tears because two slip out and roll down his cheeks as it is.

 

He doesn’t see when you give a little pout at the sight of them, before you gently wipe them away for him. 

 

He opens his eyes right after and you see the pool of unshed tears in them.

 

“This whole world went to absolute shit.  But I have to be thankful for it, because somehow it brought me to you,” he confesses in a hushed voice that’s so heavy with emotion.

 

It brings a sweet grin to your lips as you finally have a few tears slide down too, “Me too, Deputy,” you share before you press your lips to his. 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those who are still with me, please know I absolutely appreciate each and every one of you! I apologize for the wait for a new chapter. Life got crazy for a bit there and my focus was elsewhere. I'm slowly getting back into my WIPs, this one included. Thank you again for sticking around : )
> 
> *This is a direct continuation from the previous chapter.

Shane wakes up first.  The memory of the previous night’s conversation still deep in his bones, as is the feeling of how much deeper his love for you went. 

Your hand sits limply on his bicep as your other arm is curled under your pillow.  He turns his head and sees your beautiful face sound asleep, your hair partially covering your cheek.  You always ask him to wake you up if he wakes up first.  And he always gives you an extra ten minutes at least before he does.

He places a hand over yours on his arm, smooths his thumb over your skin before slowly moving your hand to the floor.  Then he moves onto his side and brings his hand to glide down your back.  It’s not enough to wake you, he knows that about you.  Then he tenderly brushes the hair from your cheek as he kisses your brow. 

You’re still asleep when the hand that had been on his arm, reaches out again and settles on his forearm.  A kiss he leaves behind on your hand, his heart warm at you seeking him out even in sleep.

But before he has a chance to wake you up himself, your body moves to settle on your stomach and you’re slowly opening your eyes.  Reaching out for Shane where he’d usually be, you realize he’s closer to you than you thought. 

A smile on your face, “Hey you.”

“Hey back,” Shane kisses your head.

You reach your hand up and curl it around the back of his neck, gently pulling him down, and you turn your head more towards your shoulder in order to kiss him. 

After it, he moves onto his stomach next to you, settled so close to you.  He runs his hand down the back of your head a few times as he brings his face close to yours, both of you sharing several, slow kisses. 

A hand to his cheek, you keep your nose settled with his and touch your forehead to his.  Closing your eyes, you just breathe him in.  Last night was heavy and this whole new life with possible adversaries now being revealed, it’s stressful.  But right here, alone with him like this, this is when life is the most peaceful and you just want a minute to enjoy it.

You feel his thumb smooth over your lips then brush the corner of your mouth before his lips move forward to touch your cupid’s bow. 

***

At breakfast, it’s quiet as normal.  Small voices are heard as one or two people speak quietly here and there. 

A weak bump to your shoulder and you hear, “Whatever you’re thinkin’, don’t.”

Just as you turn to look at him, Shane is popping a forkful of eggs into his mouth.

“What?” you question almost accusatory.

Shane raises a brow at you and eats another forkful.  Tucking the food to the side of his mouth, he answers, “If I’m noticing you staring daggers at the old man, that means other people can see you too,” as his eyes scan the group to see if anyone else did in fact notice

It makes you blush and look down at your own plate, taking a bite of your own food. You couldn’t help but keep looking at Dale.  Just knowing that he’s so angry towards Shane makes you nervous and makes you upset.

Turning towards him more to keep your voice even more quiet, “I was just thinking that maybe, maybe I could talk to him.”

Shane gives you a look that clearly says it’s a bad idea.

“What? If I just take him aside and explain to him how unfair he’s being, I’d think he’d listen.”

“He don’t seem like the type to really listen.  He seems like once he believes somethin’, he ain’t lettin’ his mind be changed.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try though, right?”

Shane shakes his head, “I just, I don’t want you gettin’ a target on your back like he has on me.  He don’t like me? He wants the group to hate me? Fine. But I’m not lettin’ him do that to you. And I don’t trust that he won’t.”

His words make you go quiet because you had never considered that possibility.  If Dale did that, what would that mean for you and Shane? Would you two be able to make it out there without a group? Before you let yourself fall any deeper into that possibility, you force yourself to push the thought from your mind.

“Still,” you weakly protest, “If he’s so concerned with my well-being as he claims to be, he may listen to me.”

Shane gives a small shrug, “Maybe.”

“But you don’t think so,” you give his real answer for him.

Shane looks at you with a slight frown, “M’sorry, baby.”

“You don’t have to be, it’s fine,” you squeeze his knee, “I might just make it worse, anyway.  He said what he wanted to the both of us, maybe he’ll leave it all alone now.”

“We can only hope,” he shares before kissing your head.

***

 It was right before lunch that you happened to notice Glenn and Maggie return from another trip into town.  Glenn had nervously approached you before they left and asked if it was alright if he went with Maggie alone, it was just about the only time he could be alone with her so you reassured him it was completely fine.  However, Maggie seems pissed right now.  You watch as she angrily shoves a bag into Lori’s hands and almost spits venom in her face with what looks like heated words.

When you catch yourself staring, you quickly get back to your task of mending the holes in some of the group’s clothes.  But you find yourself still glancing at the situation.  Maggie storms off, back towards a nervous looking Glenn.  Lori looks distraught but she heads back into her tent.

The only thing you can do is wonder.

 ***

It’s late afternoon when you’re feeding the chickens with Carl, joking around in the process.  You’re unaware that Shane’s been walking around for the past few minutes trying to find you.  When he spots you and Carl seemingly having a good time, he can’t help but let a faint grin take to his face despite his mind going a mile a minute.

As he starts his walk towards you, he watches as you and the young boy start to playfully throw chicken feed at each other and then he finds himself breathing out a short laugh. 

Just as Shane’s a few feet away, he watches as Carl says something to you with a big smile and immediately you start laughing which keeps the grin on Shane’s face as he walks up to you two. 

With a smile lingering on your face from the laughter, you look over at your boyfriend as you notice his presence and approach him with a “Hi,” before ducking under the brim of his police cap to press a quick kiss to his lips.  Shane whispers the same greeting to you before his eyes glance at a few pieces of chicken feed still in your hair and smirks as he brushes it away.

“Don’t you two know the food for the chickens go where they are? The ground,” he teases before brushing his knuckles against your cheek before turning to Carl with a raised brow.

Simultaneously you and Carl point at each other, talking over each other to say that the other was responsible which only causes the three of you to laugh, or actually you and Carl to laugh while Shane just gives a weak smile.  

“Shane! How do monsters like their eggs?” Carl baits him with the joke he had just told you before he came over.

 Shane gives a quick smirk, ruffles Carl’s hair, “Why don’t you save that one for me a little later, bud.  I gotta talk to your partner here,” he looks to you and it confirms to you that something’s wrong.

Carl nods a little disappointed, “Okay.”

You put the bucket of feed next to Carl and look to Shane, but he just motions with his head to follow him, so you do.  He leads you a good distance away from everyone, never saying a word.  Your stomach is in knots at whatever this could be.

“Shane.”

He faces you, takes his cap off and shuffles it between his hands a couple times, looking over your shoulder before meeting your stare, “Rick just told me something…something that I need to tell you.  And I-I don’t know what I’m expecting to happen, but I just, I want you to hear it from me.”

With your voice low, “You’re scaring me, so just say it.”

He sighs and glances at the ground before he’s looking at you again, “Lori’s pregnant.”

It feels like all the air leaves your lungs because somewhere in the mess of thoughts that start entering your mind, there’s a part of you that is able to realize.

“…and it’s probably yours,” you add quietly. 

Shane hangs his head as he gives a couple short nods. When he looks at you again, he tilts his head for a second as his eyes stay on yours.  His voice is gentle as he says to you, “Yeah, I think it is,” he takes a quiet breath, “The timing just makes sense and the way…the way we had been,” and you have to look away from him when he says that because it does hurt some.

He takes notice of your reaction to that and when he reaches his hand out to touch your cheek, a soft, “Hey”, it feels like a punch to his chest when you stop his hand with a touch to his wrist and utter out a quick, “No, it’s okay.”

His tongue juts out to wet his lips and his pulls his hand back.

“Does Rick know about you two, then?” you have to wonder.

But Shane shakes his head in response.

Then you simply nod to that, eyes drawn to the ground as you try to process this faster than you truly can.

After what feels like forever, you just again nod slowly, “Okay,” and you take a step back from him.

Shane doesn’t get it, “Okay?”

“Yeah,” and he watches as you look over your shoulder towards camp, “I promised Carol that I’d help her with dinner tonight,” and he can see how lost you look as you take another step back before turning around and starting to walk away.

“Woah, hey,” Shane jogs to get in front of you, putting his hands on your hips to stop you, “Talk to me, alright,” and he looks desperate, “If you’re mad at me, say it – or, or, if you’re upset, tell me.”

You go to touch his shoulders, but pause your hands mid-air, “I’m not mad at you.  I just - I just need to go. Okay?  I’m happy for you, Shane.  Really,” and you give him a quick smile that lasts all but a second before you’re pushing his hands away and walking past him. 

Shane watches you go and rubs his hands down his face before exclaiming “Fuck!” to no one.

You do like you said, you help Carol make dinner, you barely even remember what you did though to be honest.  Shane does what needs to be done with his chores and stuff, but he’s constantly looking over at you. 

Then at dinner, he watched as you took your portion from Glenn and took a seat next to Carol, nowhere near him.   Watching you, he notices how you barely eat and he wonders just how much did he fuck this up.  As soon as you turn your dish in with everyone else, you walk away from the group, heading into the darkness of the property. 

Shane stares after you as you disappear into the dark, his leg bouncing as he decides if he’s given you enough space at this point.  With a two-minute head start on him, he stands up and trails after you. 

Rounding the corner of the stables he spots you in the glow of the moonlight, sitting against the structure. 

Not even having to turn your head, you know it’s him.

“Hey,” he hears you acknowledge him.  Taking that as an invitation, he slowly walks over and takes a seat next to you, bending his knees as he leans his head back.

He doesn’t want to push you and somehow make this situation worse, so he waits on you, hoping that you’ll talk to him.

“I really am happy for you,” and that’s when he finally hears it, the quiet sniffle that you obviously try to hide.

He looks at you concerned, your head turned down as you look at your hands in your lap. 

Reaching out and tenderly holding your chin, he turns your head towards him.  You close your eyes as your face comes into his view, the trails of your tears reflecting in the moonlight.  When you open your eyes, you see his worried face and you pull back from his hand to wipe your cheeks.

“You’re so good with Carl, Shane.  God, you as a father…it’s going to be incredible,” you glance at him with a smile.  Those words, coming from you especially, make him swallow a lump that forms in his throat. 

“I’m not mad at you. Not even close, why would I be? We weren’t anywhere near being together and to have a baby here? _Your_ baby?” and he hears you swallow back a small sob, “How great is that,” your voice barely above a whisper as you turn away from him to wipe more tears.  

“You never signed up for this,” he quietly starts, “Never agreed to be with someone who was gonna have a kid with another woman.  You want out, I’d-I’d get it,” but he doesn’t think his heart could take it.  

You look at him when he says that, turning your body so that you’re facing him, so that your hip is against his and you’re leaning slightly against his legs. 

“Want out? Shane, I still want to be with you.  That’s not," a sigh, " That’s not what this is about,” and he swears you sound almost embarrassed.

He brings his hand to your thigh, knowing you’re about to explain.

“Look, I was surprised by the news.  But being angry never crossed my mind, not at all.  I surprised myself when what I felt...was jealousy,” you look down at his hand and place yours on his forearm.

“Jealous?” his confusion clear.

A sigh before you embarrass yourself any further.  You make yourself look at him, a sad smile on your face, rubbing the inside of his forearm, “It’s your first child, Shane.  Your first child and it’s Lori who gets to carry it,” you give a tiny, defeated shrug as you wait for him to call you crazy.

Shane looks at you.  The streaks of tears down your beautiful face, the sad look to your normally bright eyes, the hesitancy he feels radiating off of you – all because you love him so much that if he were to have a child, you had hoped that it would be yours too.

Never has his heart felt so full, yet so broken for what you must be feeling. Because shit, thinking about it, thinking about if you were the one pregnant with another man’s baby? Yeah, he’d have wished it was his too.

He leans forward enough to cradle the back of your head, and in one motion, his hand at your thigh slides around your waist, he pulls you into his lap as he straightens his legs.  The second you realize he’s not mad, and the way he instantly pulls you into him, the second you bury your face in his neck, more tears start.

His lips find your ear, “You have any idea how much I love you?” his own voice wavering as love and sadness consume him.  His arms tighten around you as your hand tenderly grasps onto his jaw.

You lift your head, tears still flowing, “Please don’t think I won’t love that baby because of this,” you shake your head as you look at him, thumb brushing his cheek, “Because I already do. You’re having a baby,” and you smile at him as he wipes your tears, his eyes filling with his own, “I love that kid with everything.”

He crashes his lips against yours, hand on the back of your head as tears mix together.  You cradle his face as you squeeze your eyes shut, the emotion so heavy.  When he pulls away, forehead leaning against yours, breaths mingling together as parted lips search for air, he breaks the other news to you.

“Lori already made it clear,” your hands move from his face as you lean back to look at him, “…even if it is mine, it won’t be,” and it takes him a minute to look at you.  

“What?”

“Kid’ll be Rick’s no matter what.  It’s what she wants,” and you hear the edge of devastation. 

“She can’t do that,” you feel hopeless for him now, “She can’t do that!” you find yourself repeating with simmering anger.

“Yeah well, we got nine months to figure it out, right?” and he gives a small smile meant to be encouraging but you know him well enough to know it’s just a front. 

Kissing him, you pet his cheek, “We will.”

Shane just kisses you in response, his hand moves to the side of your neck, and he presses his forehead against yours once more when you pull away.  The calloused pad of his thumb strokes your delicate skin.

You aren’t sure how long you two stay like that, but there’s several seconds of comfortable silence. 

When it’s finally broken, it’s Shane who does it.

With a voice so soft and full of emotion, he confesses, “I wish it was ours, too.”

To hear those actual words from him, you can’t help but let out a small sob at the fact that it isn’t. That the first baby of Shane Walsh will also belong to a woman that he never even gave his heart too.  It will be part of a woman who wasn’t you.

Shane squeezes his eyes closed at your shared heartache as he pulls you into a hug that you quickly accept. 

He keeps his lips close to your ear as he rubs your back, hugging you tight, “I love you so goddamn much.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit smut at the end

The next morning, you open your eyes to see the sunlight filtering in through the side of the tent.  Shane’s side is pressed against your back; his arm is under your head, his hand loosely gripping your hands that you have tucked by your chest. 

 

When you move your hands a bit, you feel his fingers shift to fit between yours.

 

Shane rolls onto his side, his other arm now wrapping around you, “You awake?” he whispers near your ear that’s partially covered by your hair.  The buckle of his belt pushes against your panty covered rear.

 

He sees you nod first before hearing your quiet “Yeah.”

 

You don’t move to face him though, not yet.  There’s a kiss pressed to your shoulder and the back of your head.

 

The tip of his nose pushes through your hair and nuzzles the shell of your ear before his lips touch it every so lightly. 

 

“Shane?”

 

And he gives a low hum of acknowledgement against your ear.

 

What you want to say gets lost as the emotion you tried to keep down surfaces into silent tears and a choked back sob. 

 

Shane’s heart breaks at the sound, “Hey, hey, look at me,” he soothes, as he shifts back a bit to give you room.

 

You wipe your cheeks before sitting up and slowly turning towards him.  Your hair hanging in front of your face, you run a hand through it to move it away. 

 

Shane sits up to meet you, your teary eyes make him reach out for you.  A hand on your cheek as he kisses your other. 

 

“I feel so stupid, I’m so sorry,” you keep brushing away the tears that keep falling.

 

“Darlin’, please don’t apologize,” he pleads quietly.

 

You just look at him sadly and he runs his hand through your hair soothingly.

 

“I just don’t want to take away from the beauty of you having a child. Not ever,” wiping your cheeks, “But I also want to be honest when I say that I have no idea how I’m going to feel as this goes.  I don’t know if seeing Lori’s stomach grow will make me into this blubbering mess again or if I’ll be totally fine with it. But it’s important to me that you know that it will never mean that I don’t want to be with you, or that I’m angry about you two having a baby.  I just need to tell you this because I want to warn you that there may be more nights like last night.”

 

Shane touches your cheek briefly with just a tender brush of his fingertips, a touch of reassurance and love.  His hand comes to rest on your bare thigh that’s peeking out from under the sheet.  He never looks away from you, doesn’t break the connection of truth and emotion that you have with one another, especially at vulnerable moments like this. 

 

You aren’t sure what you hope for him to say in return, but you know he’ll say something.  So, when his lips part, you brace yourself for what it could be.

 

“You know, if this situation was reversed somehow – if it was some guy who had a fling with you, if he got you pregnant only for you to find out after you and I were already together,” and he takes a small breath, “I’d be angry…not with you, not with him, just with the hand that we’d been dealt, the fucked up timing of it all…”

 

You press your lips together as you listen, trying to somehow stop any more tears from starting.

 

“…I’d be upset, truly sad that the child you’d be carryin’ wasn’t one that you and I made…”

 

It’s you who breaks the connection.  It’s you who looks away to close your eyes as you drop your stare from him, imagining this made up scenario of his, imagining the heartache you’d feel too if you were to bear a child that wasn’t his.  It’s no surprise when a warmth fits to your cheek as Shane’s hand moves onto your skin.  He kisses your forehead as you let him move his thumb to the edge of your chin to guide your face back up so he can bring that connection right back seamlessly.

 

“…You have every right to feel the way you do.  To cry, to yell, do whatever it is you need to do.  I don’t need a warnin’ about you feelin’ somethin’, because I love you through every smile and every tear.  Nothing’s ever gonna change that,” he leans forward slowly, his forehead pressing to your own as his nose settles next to yours, “I know this whole thing ain’t easy, but believe me when I tell you that lovin’ you is,” as he smooths his thumb over the corner of your mouth.

 

There’s no words to properly convey to this man in front of you just how much relief you feel from what he’s just said.  Or how much love consumes you at the mere sight of him, and how it only seems to grow every single day.  This situation you’re both in is less than ideal, but he’s already making it easier for you to handle.

 

Shane’s lips drag from your upper lip as he brings his chin forward, bringing his lips to the side of your nose and your cheek leaving sweet kisses behind.  As he does that, you can’t even bring yourself to say anything in response.  Instead, you slowly run your hand up his forearm which gains his attention, then when he looks from his arm to your eyes, you look at him. 

 

You bring your hand to his cheek which he cradles the back of, holding it still as he turns to place a quick kiss to your palm.  When you move your arms around his neck, he’s already wrapping his arms around you, pulling you fully into his lap as you both hug each other. 

 

Shane pulls back to look at you, only for a brief second before he’s meeting your lips in a kiss that you both desperately needed. 

 

Petting his jaw for a few seconds, you kiss his nose before looking at him.  A sweep of your thumb across his cupid’s bow, “I haven’t even asked you – how are _you_ doing with all of this?”

 

An exhale through his nose with a blink of a grin, tilt of his head as he looks to your shoulder before pressing a kiss there.

 

When his eyes meet yours again, this time they’re a bit glassy and you fight hard to stop any more tears at the sight. 

 

He sounds tired and unsteady, “I just know that baby is mine…” and he drifts off after that, taking his time to collect his thoughts so you wait.

 

“And to know that I’ll watch it grow, only to finally meet the cute little thing and I’m never gonna hear that kid call me ‘Dad’?” he blows out a quiet breath with a shake of his head, eyes brimming with tears, “Think that’s gonna be one of the hardest things I’ll ever have to deal with.”

 

One stray tear of his manages to fall, but your quick to wipe it away when you tenderly take hold of his face, “We’re not going to let that happen.  She’ll have a change of heart, I know it.  There’s no way she’s going to have a child running around here with the real father only a few feet away and still let the wrong man play the part.”

 

“You know I love you for thinkin’ that, but we don’t know that,” his fingers tucking some loose strands of hair behind your ear.

 

“If I have to nag her for nine straight months, I will.”

 

And Shane just looks at you, the smallest hint of a grin on his face which makes him look so soft and so adorable.

 

“I will,” you reaffirm since you aren’t sure if he thinks you’re joking.

 

But you realize he does believe you when he kisses you, “I know you would.”

 

A few more sweet, short kisses before Shane says, “About what we both said last night…about wishing it was our kid…”

 

And you aren’t sure what to say or even where this might be headed so you glance at his bare chest and run your fingertips along his collarbone as he continues.

 

“I meant it,” it brings your eyes back to his, “I don’t know if or when it may ever happen, but all I know is that you’re it for me.  Whatever future can be made nowadays, you’re mine.  A life with you, a family with you, anything, I want that.”

 

A smile grows on your face and there’s a breath of a laugh from your lips as you feel his love consume you with each word.

 

At the sight of you, his brows that were so tight in concentration to make sure you understood how deep he’s in with you, they relax and he grins back at you.

 

“I want that too,” you share, that smile still on your face as you watch his grin get bigger.

 

With a light grip of his chin, you bring your smile to his when you kiss him.  Your palm smooths over the soft hairs of his buzzcut as you end up holding the back of his head, other arm around his shoulders, getting lost in his perfect lips. 

 

Shane’s hand slides into your hair and you bring your hands to his jaw as you move onto your knees on either side of his lap making you a little taller than him in this position.  There’re moments where you barely take your lips away from his only to press a couple short kisses to them before fully kissing him again, your thumbs smoothing along the grit of stubble that he’s been neglecting to shave. 

 

He abandons your hair to grip onto your waist, then sliding his hands down before moving them back to squeeze your ass. 

 

“Sweetest thing, you are,” he barely whispers as you both reluctantly pull back from one another for some air.

 

It brings a look of fondness to your face and you’re quick to kiss his top lip.

 

**~~~**

 

Maybe part of you didn’t want to see Lori and think about the pain she’s going to bring Shane with this baby, and maybe part of you just needed something that would bring you just a bit of happiness.  It’s what lead you to ask Jimmy if he could teach you how to tend to the horses.

 

Surprised, but acceptive of the request, Jimmy lead you into the stables and thus begun him showing you exactly what he does for them.  The correct way to move around them, the way to brush them, feed them, as well as the things to look out for that could be mean health issues.  It took a good hour or so and that was fine by you.  It was nice to be removed from the camp for a bit and removed from any of the drama that came with it.

 

That’s where Shane finds you.  He nods at Jimmy as the young man exits the stables, the kid goes wide eyed before giving a short nod back and quickly walking away, no doubt still traumatized by Shane’s roughness with him the night he thought you were missing. 

 

When Shane gets to the stable entrance, you’re standing in front of one of the stalls, petting the forehead of one of the horses.  You don’t realize he’s there and he notices how relaxed you look, a sweet smile on your face as the horse nudges your shoulder for more when you stop petting her.  Giving her what she wants, you whisper something to her as you go back to petting.

 

Shane steps inside the building, “You seem happy workin’ with ‘em,” he softly shares his observation.

 

The sound of another voice causing you to sharply turn your head, only to relax when you realize who it is.  Shane knows your love for animals, that night at the CDC you two spoke about a good number of things, so he understands why you seem so at ease in here.  Hell, he knows firsthand how fucked up people can be, animals are hell of a better company. 

 

“Can you blame me?” you tease as you happily accept a kiss from him, his arm securing around your waist.

 

“I cannot,” he smirks and joins you in petting the sweet animal.

 

“This is Sally.”

 

“Sally seems to be taken with you.  Can’t blame her.”

 

You give his hip a little bump with your own at his dorkiness, but you love it all the same.

 

“We searching for Sophia now?” you stop petting the beautiful animal when she decides to move further into her stall to eat.

 

Shane’s looking at you like you’re the only thing that brings him peace.  You tilt your head into his touch when he runs his fingers through your hair before taking hold of your hip, “Yeah.”

 

Pressing your body against his, you slowly slide your arms around his waist, head tilting back to press your lips to his. 

 

A hand on your ass, and the other he brings to gather your hair into his hold, as he slips his tongue into your mouth.  If he keeps this up, you’re going to be very frustrated while searching for a lost little girl, so after a few more seconds you have to pull back from him. 

 

“Gotta take care of you later,” you hear his quiet words as he dips his head to kiss at your neck.  Your hand comes up to cradle the back of his head as you close your eyes briefly.  He kisses below your ear, then lifts his head, leaving one more on your forehead. 

 

Wordlessly, you both turn towards the entrance to head to camp to meet up for the search.  An arm around his back, his around your shoulders, you both leave the stables, Shane pulling your shoulder close so he can kiss your hair.

 

Once at the group, Shane gently nudges you in front of him at the hood of the station wagon where the map is laid out.  He moves his arm to wrap around your front, holding you back against him as Rick speaks.

 

Both of you notice how Rick’s glance lingers on you two for a beat longer than anyone else.

 

“Alright, with T-Dog still out, Jimmy said he’d take his place for us,” motioning to the farmhand standing next to him.

 

Finger to the map, Rick starts pointing out the new grids and which teams were taking which.  When Rick says you’re paired up with Daryl this round, you don’t see Shane drop his chin to his chest with annoyance. 

 

To mask his intentions from the others, he wraps his other arm around you and hugs you backwards into him, burying his nose in your hair, but near your ear, “Be extra careful with him. He does his own thing sometimes.”

 

Shane feels you give a small nod against him and he loosens his grip on you.

 

Andrea gets put in charge of Jimmy and as usual, Rick pairs himself up with Shane.

 

Darryl doesn’t speak much while searching, which is fine by you.  The only time he really speaks is to say where to turn, or to follow him, since his tracking skills are the best compared to your non-existent ones.

 

But when he starts heading into what you know is outside the designated grid, into territory that wasn’t even discussed, you speak up.

 

“Daryl, this isn’t where we should be going.”

 

He throws a quick glance at you over his shoulder as he keeps moving, “You want to find Sophia or what?”

 

If he didn’t track so well, you wouldn’t have followed him, but since he’ll at least be able to get you back to camp in the end you just follow his lead.

 

He ends up leading you for what feels like quite a bit, eventually leading you through some trees that opened into a clearing with an abandoned two-story house in the middle of it.

 

Clearly excited by the discovery, Daryl looks at you, “Wouldn’t have found this in our grid, would we? Come on, she could be inside.”

 

You ready your weapon as you approach the home. 

 

Daryl readies his crossbow and slowly pushes open the front door.  Gun at the ready, you try to steady your breathing as you keep looking around for any potential threats.

 

The home is very obviously run down and abandoned.  The paint outside is weathered and peeling, and inside is dusty, no signs of life anywhere.   

 

Listening intently for any sounds for growling or moaning, you don’t hear any.  There is a slight creak heard from upstairs which makes you both look at each other.  With Daryl making no move to go up there, instead still looking into the few rooms on the first floor, you take a breath and slowly start ascending the stairs.

 

You’re scared as you hold your gun up and turn around so that as you climb up each step backwards, you’re full on facing the entire second floor.  There’re a few rooms, a couple with the doors wide open, one with a half-open door. 

 

You have to keep reminding yourself to breath as you slowly approach the first room.  You stand by the doorway and are able to see the entire room due to its small size.  Moving on to the next room, you’re able to quickly see there’s nothing there.  The last room has the half-open door.

 

Using your foot, you nudge the door open slowly, gun pointing into the room.  The room appears to be empty so when you hear a fast rustling followed by some scratching, you feel like your heart jumps out of your chest.  Quickly aiming your gun at the noise, you see a rat scampering along the edge of the room.  Terrified, you quickly shut the door so the rat doesn’t come out into the hallway with you.

 

“Hey! Come here!” Daryl shouts to you.

 

Done with the second floor, you head back downstairs to Daryl whose pointing into a pantry that he has opened.

 

“I think we got a lead on her,” he states.

 

Taking a look inside, you see two pillows and a blanket laid out on the floor of the closet sized pantry.  And while Daryl sees a sign of hope, your gut just says that this wasn’t Sophia’s doing. 

 

“Where would she even get this stuff from? The rooms upstairs are bare of any of that,” you feel the need to point out.

 

Daryl looks at you with annoyance, “Who the fuck knows, kids are resourceful when they have to be.”

 

“So then where is she, Daryl?  If this was her, this is a pretty nice setup for a lost kid.  Why would she leave it?  She’s probably terrified, why would she go back out on her own?”

 

“Why are you so against this being her? She’s probably off looking for her mother!  I mean hell, we found this place, she could find the farm if she walked far enough.”

 

It’s pointless to argue with him, so you just shake your head.

 

“Let’s just get back,” he grumbles at you before you’re both leaving the house.

 

**~~~**

 

When Shane and Rick make it back to camp, Andrew and Jimmy aren’t far behind their return.  So, when you and Daryl don’t come back shortly after, it’s clear that Daryl went off from the grid again which he’s done in the past.

 

“Really, Rick?” Shane argues, “We gonna keep lettin’ Daryl pull this shit? If somethin’ happens to her, man, I’m takin’ care of him myself,” Shane threatens.

 

Rick keeps his eyes on the tree line, “He always comes back.  Man’s better at tracking than a bloodhound.”

 

Sure enough, Rick points to the trees and Shane looks to see Daryl coming out first with you trailing behind him. 

 

“We found something!” Daryl shouts as you both approach the group. 

 

“Pull that shit again and we’re gonna have problems,” Shane throws at Daryl as he walks past him to greet you.

 

“You good?” he asks you and you nod.

 

“Any problems on your end?”

 

“Nah, we barely spoke,” Shane answers.

 

With that, you both turn your attention to Daryl whose telling them about the house and the pantry.

 

“Thing could only fit someone Sophia’s size.  It’s gotta be her,” Daryl shares.

 

Rick looks to you, “You think it could be?”

 

Daryl glares at you as he waits for your answer.  And though you want to find Sophia, you also don’t want to waste time looking where you just have a feeling it’s a dead end.

 

With a glance at Daryl, you look at Rick and shake your head, “…no.  I don’t think it was her.”

 

“You stupid bitch,” Daryl spits out and takes a step towards you.  And though Daryl wouldn’t hurt anyone, he just gets hot-headed, Shane is quick to step in front of you.

 

Shane slams his forearm into Daryl’s chest with anger, shouting, “What’d the fuck you say?!”

 

Rick is instantly between the two of them and manages to push Shane back as Daryl keeps talking and points in your direction, “She doesn’t know what the hell she’s talkin’ about!”

 

Shane keeps his on eyes on Daryl and pushes against Rick’s hands, “And you do?! You’re so good at tracking, how come you haven’t found her yet? Huh?”

 

“Fuck you, man!” Daryl shouts back at him.

 

Rick steps back when you replace his hands against Shane’s chest, sliding them up to grasp at either side of his tense jaw.  When he feels them, Shane’s eyes move to yours, his body vibrating with anger at Daryl’s words to you. 

 

“Shane,” you whisper sternly while you hold his stare, and Shane knows.  With a few more glances at Daryl, who Rick is telling to relax, he looks back at you again and wraps his hands around your wrists.  With sweet caresses against your pulse points, he slowly moves your hands from his face and you see him actively trying to calm down his breathing. 

 

“He says shit again, I swear –“, Shane threatens to you.  But you just turn around and stand in front of Shane, using yourself as a buffer just in case.

 

Daryl is still pissed, pacing in the agitated way that he does as Rick hesitantly takes a step back from between him and Shane. 

 

“Alright,” Rick lets out a breath of relief, “Why don’t you think it’s Sophia?” he looks at you, and everyone is waiting for your answer.

 

“A gut feeling,” and you can’t help but glance at Carol quickly before looking back at Rick, “I went upstairs, Daryl didn’t.  The couple beds there had nothing. No sheets, no comforters, no pillows. There’s no way that whoever scavenged them would bother leaving anything behind. So, with that, where would Sophia have gotten two pillows and a blanket? And if she somehow did, I just don’t see a scared kid hauling that through the woods in the slim chance they found shelter,” and you look at Carol again, “I’m sorry,” you say with sincerity.

 

Shane brings his arm around you from behind, hand pressed against your stomach as he kisses the back of your head in a way of comfort.

 

“So, who the hell could it have been?” Daryl angrily throws out at you.

 

Quickly you place a hand over Shane’s to anchor him from lashing out again in response.

 

“It could have been anyone, Daryl. Whoever’s house it was, some other survivor out on their own. I don’t know, but I just don’t think it was her,” you stay strong in your opinion.

 

He just scoffs at you and waves his arm at you as if to write you off. 

 

Rick grips the front of his belt as he obviously is thinking about what needs to be done.  With a few glances at both you and Daryl, after a minute he finally speaks.

 

“I think we should stay optimistic.  It’s the best lead we’ve had in days, so we might as well follow it through,” Rick decides.

 

“Jesus fucking Christ,” you hear Shane mutter under his breath as he lets you go to take a step back in annoyance.

 

Daryl smiles in victory, making sure to make eye contact with you on his win.  You want to roll your eyes, but you manage to just barely stop yourself from doing so.  Then you can’t help but look at Rick as he glances at you before answering a question from Andrea.

 

More time is going to be wasted.  More resources wasted.  And what bothers you the most is that you truly believe Rick only sided with Daryl because it was you who was the other side.  You, the one that he feels like is part of why he finds Shane a problem now.  You, the only other person who doesn’t think he knows what he’s doing.

 

After that, the group slowly disperses, going off to do their own things.  Shane gets your weapon from you and from the others to go put them back in the duffel bag after unloading them.  When everyone is gone, you walk up to Rick.

 

“You really think it was her?”

 

“I have no reason not to,” he answers.

 

Your mouth almost falls open, “So what I said, what? Fell on deaf ears?”

 

He gives a sarcastic smirk, “No, I heard you – I just didn’t agree.  There’s a little girl’s life on the line here.  I can’t afford to give up on her because someone is starting to buy into the theory that she’s dead,” his eyes narrowing for a second when he says that last bit.

You have to pause for a second to take a deep breath, “…I never said I thought she was dead.  I know Shane thinks that and I know you know that.  Don’t put words in my mouth just because Shane feels a certain way.”

 

“You two just seem to always be on the same page, sorry for the assumption.”

 

But his tone is far from apologetic.

 

“I bet you are,” you say before walking away from him.

 

Shane intercepts you as you head towards your tent, your face evident that you’re not happy.

 

As soon as his hands take hold of your shoulders, you ask him, “Am I being an asshole?”

 

The question makes Shane go on edge with irritation, “What? Did Rick say that to you?” and he immediately starts trying to spot him in the group.

 

“No, no,” you reassure him and Shane looks back at you, his hands moving to his hips.

 

“I just don’t want people to think I’m trying to hold them back from looking for her.  But something just tells me that it wasn’t her in that house.  I’d rather tell the truth then waste people’s time,” and you obviously have a heavy heart about this which pains him.

 

“You listen to me, whatever your gut’s tellin’ you, you stick with that.  Just because your gut may tell you the thing that no one wants to hear, doesn’t mean you’re wrong.  You hear me?”

 

And you nod, a meek, “Okay,” in reply. 

 

“I’m serious.  You ain’t done nothin’ wrong,” he dips his head a bit to make sure you meet his eye. 

 

Another nod from you.

 

Shane’s hand cups your cheek as he kisses your temple before hugging you. 

 

He feels your lips as you say “Thank you” against his neck.

 

**~~~**

 

Dinner was tense that night. Barely a word spoken, so it was a surprise when every one stuck around afterwards to just sit by the fire.

 

Spread out some, everyone stayed to their own.  T-Dog glanced around and was hoping to break some of the tension.

 

Settled back between Shane’s bent knees, his arms around you, he cuddles you close.  He watches over your shoulder as you hold one of his hands in your own, fingertip tracing the lines of palms and along his fingers.  With a soft smile, he kisses the back of your head before watching your actions again.

 

“You know what I’d be doing right now?” T-Dog just starts with out of nowhere, loud enough for everyone to hear.

 

He gets everyone’s attention, including you and Shane’s.

 

“What are you goin’ on about?” Daryl asks almost annoyed.

 

“Right now, this time of night, my buddies and I would be at the club,” T-Dog smiles with a laugh, “Your boy would be dressed real nice.  My cologne fresh, shoes shined.”

 

Shane laughs behind you and you love the sound of it so much.

 

“Don’t tell us you were one of those nightclub creeps,” Andrea laughs.

 

“Hell no!  Not T-dog…” he answers in the third person.

 

“Nah man, don’t talk like that,” Shane throws out at him while laughing.

 

T laughs and continues, “We just went to dance, my friends. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a few men looking to get their groove on,” and T snaps his fingers before moving his shoulders to an unheard rhythm.

 

The sight makes you lean your head back against Shane’s shoulder as you laugh.  Your man hugging you as you do.

 

“And, uh, how good were your dance skills, T?” Rick asks, trying not to laugh as openly as Lori is.

 

“Believe me Rick, if my knee weren’t still healing, I’d be swaying these hips like nobody’s business,” T-dog smiles and claps, rubbing his hands together.

 

“Oh my god,” you laugh along with everyone else.

 

“So, we’re supposed to believe that you guys never were trying to pick up any ladies on these dance fever outings?” Andrea raises a brow with a smirk.

 

“There ain’t no need to pick up no one when your dancing skills draw them in like a moth to a flame,” he wiggles his fingers to mimic a moth. 

 

“Man, you know you’re gonna have to show us these dance moves, now, right?” Shane tells him.

 

Holding his hands up and fanning them slightly as if to calm you all down, T-Dog slowly stands, “Alright, alright, I’ll give you all a little taste of the T-Dog.”

 

“I can’t,” you laugh to Shane.

 

Due to his knee, he can’t go all out so he starts popping and locking his upper half and it’s not long before some of the group starts clapping a beat, meanwhile Shane chimes in with hollering a beat by going, “Oh! Oh! Oh!” before laughing.

 

You have to hand it to T-Dog because he brought a much-needed levity to the group.  With everyone’s hearts a bit lighter, the tension doesn’t feel nearly as thick.  T takes his seat again, and he starts going into a couple funny stories of his club going days.

 

But he’s lost the attention of at least one group member.  You smile to yourself when you feel Shane’s lips brush against you.  He’s so gentle when he sweeps your hair over your shoulder, arm going back around you as he now has the space to press sweet kisses along the nape of your neck.

 

Occasionally his hand lifts to take hold of your chin, turning your face towards your shoulder so he can kiss your cheek. 

 

After more kisses to the side of your neck, you shift in his hold until your hip is pressed against his crotch. 

 

With your face now readily accessible, Shane smirks and leans his face into yours, stopping just short of your lips.

 

“Hi,” he whispers against them as he playfully pushes his nose against yours. 

 

Bringing a hand to his stubbly cheek, you smile at his cuteness, “Hi,” you repeat back.

 

His lips take yours and you slide your hand down a bit so your palm somewhat covers the kissing, still aware that you’re out in the open. 

 

Shane moves a hand to your thigh, squeezing gently as his kisses grow more passionate, but just shy of too much for where you are.

 

With your legs blocking the view, you discreetly slip your hand down and are quick to find his bulge through his cargo pants.  The contact instantly ceases Shane’s mouth as a quiet moan slips out against your lips. 

 

His eyes close as you squeeze him ever so gently before slowly moving your hand back and forth.  Your faces are still so close that any words you speak, your lips are brushing against his. 

 

A quick, but deep kiss you give him, forcing him to move his lips again then you stop and smooth your thumb against his chin.

 

Shane opens his eyes and strained he manages to say, “You keep that up, you’re gonna have to explain what the mess is when you’re doing the laundry.”

 

“Oh my god,” you quietly giggle against his mouth as you realize he’s right.  Whoever got Shane’s pants during laundry would no doubt notice the stain you’ll inevitably cause and that’s an embarrassment you both just don’t need.

 

Quickly you stop and bring your hand back up to his face as you smile against his mouth that is starting to slowly quirk up into a smirk despite his brows tilted in concentration at now being fully aroused and unable to do anything about it.

 

“Don’t you move, girl,” he teases as you kiss him with a smile. 

 

You might not be able to touch him, but you can still have fun teasing him.

 

“Still gonna take care of me later?” you brush the tip of your nose against his cheek sweetly.

 

“You fuckin’ know it,” he growls as his lips chase after your own.

 

“Good,” you return his kiss, “Because I want you inside of me more than anything right now.”

 

“ _Baby_ ,” he moans in approval as he kisses your neck. He nips at your earlobe before brushing his lips against the corner of your mouth.

 

“You ready for me, huh?” Shane starts teasing back, tilting his head from one side to the other as he brushes his lips against yours, eyes flitting between yours and your lips.

 

“Like you even have to ask,” you answer seductively before moving your mouth towards his only to have him gently pull his head back with a smug grin.

 

“ _Fuck_ , I can taste you already,” he groans before kissing you hard. 

 

With everyone awake, there’s just no way you two could get to the tent and do _anything_ without a high risk of someone hearing something. 

 

New plan.

 

“I’ll go first.  Meet me in the shed,” you whisper to him before kissing him quickly.  As soon as you stand up, Shane shifts his legs to cover his erection as best he can.  Calmly, as to not draw attention, you walk into the darkness and towards the wooden shed several feet from Hershel’s house, but far enough away from camp.

 

As you walk, you look around to see if any walkers managed to find their way over and to make sure there was no living nearby as well.  With the coast clear, you enter the dark shed and wait for your man.

 

Shane waits a couple minutes, trying not to appear too eager to walk away. 

 

When he feels he’s waited long enough, he stands up and heads in the direction you went.

 

As soon as he opens the door to the shed, you grab the front of his shirt and practically pull him inside, Shane quickly closing the door behind him.

 

“Almost thought you stood me up, Walsh,” you smile as he follows your lead and once your back hits the wall, presses his body against yours. 

 

He presses his forehead to yours, hands slipping under the sides of your shirt, “Like I’d be that stupid,” he smiles as he kisses you roughly with passion. 

 

You’re quick to grab his belt, unbuckling it and unzipping his fly, all the while your tongue playing with his as the kissing becomes almost sloppy and heated; so full of want.

 

But Shane stops your hands, “Hey, hey,” and when you stop to look at him, his hands are now opening your jeans, “Gonna fuck you with my tongue first.”

 

And your mouth drops open slightly because when he talks like that to you, it drives you even more crazy. 

 

Shane lowers to his knees and pulls your shoes off, then yanks your jeans down, his patience slimming the longer you’re not naked.  Before even touching your panties, he mouths at your heat through the fabric causing your hips to buck forward seeking more from him. Always the pleaser, his tongue licks your panties right over your cunt. 

 

“ _Shane_ ,” you breathlessly whine as you lean your head back against the wall.

 

“I got you, darlin’,” his voice so calm and confident that it turns you on even more, “Gonna take care of you real good, you know that.”

 

His warm hands grab the hem of your panties and pull them down too.  He doesn’t even bother fully removing them, just takes them off one leg to let them pool at your other ankle. 

 

He moves forward on his knees and slowly pushes the hem of your shirt up so he can press some kisses to your stomach before doing anything else. His tongue tastes the skin below your navel and you give a little jump when he nips your hip. 

 

Finally, you feel him start kissing lower and lower until his stubble is catching on your pubic hair. 

 

“Goddamn, baby,” when he sees just how wet you are, “I do this to you?”  but the smug bastard already knows the answer.

 

“The only one who can do this to me,” you give him.

 

The smile against your hair makes you gasp as you grow more sensitive at the anticipation. 

 

You’re so wound up that as soon as his tongue touches your folds, you let out an embarrassing whine. 

 

Casually, he lifts your right leg over his shoulder as his tongue dives deeper inside of you, stroking you over and over.  Your pants and underwear slide off your ankle falling to the ground behind him.

 

On reflex your hands reach down to touch his hair only to remember once again, he has none.

 

A gasp, “You need to –“, a whimper, “ – grow your hair back.”

 

The breath through his nose in response hits you down there and makes you shiver.

 

When his mouth fits over your entire opening, the tip of his tongue sliding its way along your folds, dipping in and out of you, you clutch his head.  Pulling him against you, your hips starting to move a bit, seeking out more.

 

Then he lifts one knee, bringing the bottom of his boot to the wooden floor.  His large hands slide up the back of your bare thighs, palms nestling under each cheek of your buttocks.  The next thing you know, you feel yourself being lifted, a tiny squeal of surprise you let out along with his name, as Shane keeps hold of your ass and stands up with his head still between your thighs.

 

The grunt he lets out you both feel and hear and you almost come right there. 

 

Once he’s got you situated, he really tastes you good.  With his hands holding your ass, he pulls your bottom forward a bit, his mouth pushing deliciously against your cunt.  His tongue starts focusing on your clit more, flicking it between more licks of your folds. 

 

“Shane, _oh f-fuck_ , yes!” you moan, closing your eyes as your breathing speeds up even more.

 

As his lips close around that small bundle of nerves, your heels dig into his back as you feel your orgasm building.

 

His eyes look up at you as he sucks gently, and he sees your head pushed back against the wall, eyes closed with knitted brows, as your gasps get higher and your thighs start slowly trembling.

 

A quick gasp when you feel his teeth just graze it gently before sucking again. 

 

You can’t help but writhe as the pleasure increases, Shane’s grip on you tightening as he feels your body start moving.

 

The tip of his tongue starts teasing at your clit again.

 

“Ohh, baby, I’m so close,” you whimper, thighs trembling more now.  You can feel your stomach pulsing as each second brings more build up.  Harder your heels push against his strong back.

 

His lips close over it once more.

 

“Oh my god, oh my god,” you moan, “Oh god, _Shane_ – Babe, I’m gonna come,” and just a few seconds later, your eyes squeeze shut as you lean your upper body forward, hands holding his head against you as you let out a strained cry of pleasure as your orgasm hits hard. 

 

He feels you shudder against him a few times as your orgasm rides through you in waves. 

 

Panting, you rest your head back against the wall, body almost limp from what he’s done to you.

 

Shane finally pulls his mouth from you, his stubble wet with your juices as his chin rests against you.

 

When you finally look at him, the first thing you say is, “God, I love your mouth,” with a small laugh before touching his cheek, head leaning back against the wall again.

 

“Did I not say I’d take care of you?” he smirks, pressing kisses to the inside of your thighs. 

 

You just shake your head, still on cloud nine from the pleasure. 

 

Shane takes hold of your thigh and grabs onto your side, “Let me get you down, so hold on, sweetheart.”

 

He gently lowers your one thigh off his shoulder as you manage to let your other one slide off, but his hand on your side stops you from just falling limply to the floor, instead he grabs your waist and slowly lowers you down until your feet touch your jeans that he kicks under you to stop you from touching the dirty wood.

 

He wipes his forearm across his mouth before holding your hips and kissing you. Arms around his neck, you seek his tongue out with your own, pressing your hips into his.

 

When the kiss breaks, Shane’s pants still being undone from earlier, you reach into his underwear and grab his dick which is even harder than before. 

 

“Fuck me,” you moan at the feel.

 

Shane presses his nose into your cheek and lets out a moan of his own, “Yes ma’am,” he breathes before kissing you.

 

Shoving his pants and underwear down, you watch as his dick practically throbs.

 

Both of you too aroused to waste time, Shane grabs your thighs and lifts you up, pressing you back against the wall again.  Quickly he lines himself up with your opening and pushes into you until he bottoms out, hand back on your thigh to hold you up.

 

Hugging your upper body to him, mouth on his neck, Shane only goes slow for a minute before he’s sharply thrusting into you.  It’s rough and animalistic, but it’s exactly what you need right now.

 

The sound of skin slapping together fills your ears as well as Shane’s grunts with each hard thrust.  You’re bouncing against him as he repeatedly, and deeply, thrusts into you. 

 

It’s not long before your second orgasm hits, walls fluttering around him only to grip onto his cock as they quiver, milking him enough to give his own orgasm the final push.  The deep, rough groan against your ear and then your mouth is on his.

 

Shane places a hand against the wall behind you as he keeps an arm around your waist to hold you up.  He kisses the fabric of your shirt at your shoulder, kisses your neck, kisses your cheek. 

 

With a little ache of your thighs, you slowly unwrap your legs from his waist, feeling him slip out of you as your feet lower back to your jeans. 

 

The mixed fluids roll down your inner thigh and you use two fingers to wipe them up, Shane’s eyes on you as you look at him and bring your fingers to your lips, tongue curling around them to lick them clean.

 

“Goddamn,” he whispers in arousal. As soon as your fingers leave your mouth, his tongue replaces them.  His rough kiss indicative of his enjoyment at what he just saw. 

 

Once your lips part from each other, Shane takes his shirt off, “Stand on this to get dressed.  Not havin’ you touch this grimy ass wood,” and he lays his shirt down in front of you.

 

You stand on it as you pull your underwear and jeans back on.  Shane crouches down and helps you get your boots back on.  Once you’re dressed, he picks his shirt back up and pulls it back on. 

 

His hand finds yours, fingers lacing together, before he approaches the door first.  Opening it just a bit, he takes a look around and finds the coast clear.  You two leave the shed together, a smile on both your faces.


	23. Chapter 23

Shane has a nightmare that night.  One that leaves his blood cold and devastation in his heart.

_He’s back at that night at the High School.  Walkers are all around, none seeming to care that he’s there. Several feet in front of him, he watches as you cry on the ground, a bullet wound in your leg – the same place he gave Otis one.  You’re pregnant.  You reach out towards him, crying for him, and Shane goes to run to you, the walkers heading your way.  But when he goes to move, he’s held back.  He ferociously struggles against the hold, all while shouting at the walkers, “HEY! OVER HERE! YOU COME OVER HERE YOU FUCKIN’ BASTARDS!” anything to get them to bypass you.  But they don’t.  His body strains as he tries so fucking hard to rip away from the hold on him.  He keeps fighting it as he watches the walkers descend on you.  He starts shouting, tears streaming down his face, yelling with everything he has as he watches in horror as the walkers rip open your stomach.  As they rip the baby you both created from inside of you.  He has to look away at what they do with it. When your cries go instantly silent, he has to look away from your face.  It’s then he finally feels his body go limp, but the strong hold on him is keeping him up.  When he finally looks over his shoulder and what the hell is keeping hold of him, he sees who it is.  Otis.  And with the same words he spoke to the man the night he killed him, Otis says “I’m sorry.”_

Shane wakes with a jolt, chest heaving, hot tears down his cheeks, body trembling, “ _Fuck_ ,” he quietly sobs to the quiet tent.  Whipping his head to the right, he sees you laying next to him.  He stares at you, stays watching you until he is absolutely certain that you’re breathing.  Until he verifies that he’s seen your chest rise and fall. 

 

When his eyes move to your sleeping face, he has to cover his mouth as he feels a sob escape his throat.  Hastily wiping his tears, he takes a quick breath.  And he knows you’re asleep, but his body feels like he did just lose you like he dreamt.  He doesn’t stop himself when he leans up on his elbow and brings a hand to caress your cheek. 

 

It’s enough to wake you up.  It’s still dark out, but you’re slow to open your eyes from being woken up so abruptly.  Slowly you blink, see Shane’s awake and realize his hand is on your cheek, “Shane?” your voice a little rough, and quiet, “What’s going on?”

 

“Nothing,” and a weak, but relieved grin sits on his face at interacting with you.

 

You rub your eyes with your fingertips before smoothing your palm down his forearm.  When you look up at him, his eyes give him away.

 

“You were crying?” and you’re more awake now.  One hand smooths along the back of his neck as your other braces against his chest.  One weak pull you give and Shane’s following, leaning down on his forearms to bring himself closer to you.

 

“I’m okay.  Bad dream is all,” he gives a small shake of his head.

 

“What happened?” you gently question, fingertips running back and forth across the nape of his neck.

 

“No,” his mouth sets firm, “It doesn’t matter.  It wasn’t real. It wasn’t real.”

 

“Okay,” you nod, clear that he’s still effected by it, “What do you need?”

 

“You,” his voice almost a whisper, emotion evident.

 

You have to press your lips together to stop yourself from wanting to tear up, and you just nod.  Arms moving around his neck, you hug him to yourself.  Shane slips his arms underneath you, face burying in your neck.

 

“I’m always goin’ to keep you safe,” he says into your skin.

 

Whatever he dreamt, it’s clear now that it involved you somehow.  And you just nod, taking a quiet breath to will the tears forming in your eyes to go away.  A shaky breath, “I know,” you cradle the back of his head.

 

**~~~**

 

The morning chores had you harvesting cucumbers and plucking the ripe tomatoes from the vegetable garden.  And when you looked over and saw Patricia only halfway done plucking the ripe green beans, you gave her a smile and helped her until they were all in the basket. 

 

The two of you bring your vegetables into the house where you wash your hands and head back outside.  You scan the camp and the surrounding area, but no Shane in sight.  Walking down the few stairs, you start wandering the property to find him.  As you approach the back of the house, you look towards the stable several yards away and you spot him.   From the looks of it, he’s chopping wood and you have to take a breath at the beautiful manly sight.

 

With a smile on your face, you start heading his way, but just as you reach behind the stable, you see Andrea approach him and something tells you that maybe you should stay out of sight. Sticking to the wall of the structure, you slowly make your way closer until you can just barely make out their words.

 

Shane swings the axe down onto the log, splitting it in two with ease.  He’s rebuilding the stock of firewood, then he has to chop up some old wood planks to have extra pieces to mend the fences with.

 

He’s already unbuttoned his shirt completely, but the sweat keeps coming while under the day’s brutal sun.  A swipe of his arm across his forehead, then he places the next log onto the stump.  But before he can go any further, he sees Andrea heading his way. 

 

Placing the head of the axe on the stump, he leans on the handle as she walks up to him, “What’s up?”

 

Andrea takes a quick, casual look around before a small smirk takes over her face.

 

“Look, I’m just going to be straight with it.  There’s not many options in this group and a woman can only go so long without her _needs_ being taken care of.  And I already know that you’re able to impressively satisfy women, so what do you say we take off for an hour, tell them we’re going to search for Sophia or something and we let off a little steam.”

 

It’s not at all what he expected to come out of her mouth and her little part about knowing he can satisfy women lets him know that she’s quite obviously heard the two of you at night once, if not more.

When you hear Andrea’s little speech, you have to stop from laughing, because it’s almost cute how she picked Shane to proposition, him clearly being the best-looking man in the group.

 

Shane hangs his head to wet his lips before looking back up at her. A slight tilt of his head, “You know I’m a taken man, right?” but it’s clearly rhetorical, because he knows that she does.

 

Andrea just gives a shrug of a shoulder, “This isn’t the real world anymore, Shane.  Relationship rules aren’t the same as they used to be.  What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her.”

 

He barely breathes out an unamused laugh at her ridiculous logic as he gives a shake of his head, “Maybe not to you they aren’t, but they are to me. And they are to her. You’re barkin’ up the wrong tree, here.  The only woman I’m lovin’ on is the woman I’m in love with.”

 

As soon as she told him what she was looking for, you knew he’d tell her no, there was no question about it. But you didn’t realize that actually hearing him turn down another woman would make you feel happy, as silly as that is.   Because she has a point in a sense, this world is far different from what you all came from.  No laws, no rules, and when it comes to relationships, there could be no barriers with that either for some people.  On some level, Shane could in fact have slipped away to fuck Andrea, leaving you none the wiser.  But the way Shane loves is strong, its passionate, and it’s exclusive.  Saved only for one person. You.

 

Andrea has to scoff a bit at that last part.  An unnecessary dig in her opinion, “Wasn’t talking about love, here.  A quick fuck and we move on.  I’m not looking for a relationship.”

 

“And I ain’t lookin’ to fuck another woman,” he replies with an air of annoyance.

 

“Right,” she answers sarcastically, “Well, I’m around if you ever change your mind,” and she rolls her eyes as she walks away.

 

The only thing he can do is shake his head at whatever the hell that just was.  Surprised barely covers it.  As soon as Andrea turned around, he swung his axe up and slams it down to split the log in front of him.

 

You step out from where you were laying low, standing a few feet behind Shane, and you watch his body as he cuts a couple more logs. 

 

Finally, you walk closer to him, “You look like the cover of a romance novel,” you tease.

 

Shane stops and turns to you as you walk up next to him.

 

“You’re real cute, you know that?” he smirks.

 

“So my boyfriend tells me.”

 

“This boyfriend of yours mind if I kiss you for a bit?” he leans the axe against the stump and faces you.

 

“You tell me,” you smirk, hooking a finger in his belt loop and tugging him closer.

 

“He says its okay,” Shane jokes before kissing you, kissing you through the laugh he gets out of you.

 

He uses his thumb to wipe some of his sweat from your upper lip, “You’re never gonna believe what just happened by the way.”

 

“Would you be mad if I said that I heard the whole thing?” you hold onto the open edges of his shirt.

 

“With Andrea?” he asks to make sure.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Where were you?” he can’t believe he didn’t see you.

 

“I was behind the stable.  I saw you from behind the house and was coming over but I saw her get to you first and she just looked so determined that I figured I’d stay out of the way.”

 

“Determined alright,” he huffs out a laugh, “Shit, I couldn’t believe what I was hearin’.”

 

“Guess she’s heard us before, huh?” you blush with a grin, though you’re embarrassed.

 

“Heard _you_ is more like it,” he presses a kiss to your lips, “Some reputation you’re givin’ me,” he swipes his knuckle at your chin with a wink.

 

Then you’re hit with the realization that she had to have heard you both last night.  The timing is too perfect.

 

“Oh my god, last night, in the shed.  That has to be when she heard,” and you cover your mouth in thought and a bit of shame.

 

“Eh, so what? If people here really think I ain’t gettin’ my hands on you…” but he just shakes his head to finish his point.

 

“’Sides,” his fingers wrap around your wrist and slowly pull your hand away from your mouth, “You sound awfully sexy when I’m fuckin’ you,” and his smug face presses kisses to your palm before meeting your eye.

 

The bluntness is a shock but it also makes you laugh a bit at how straight forward he can be.

 

“It’s already too hot out here without you saying _that_ to me,” you pull your hand from his grasp, but utter those words low, flirty – just for him.

 

He makes it a point to look you up and down before responding, “You’re tellin’ me,” his lips on yours in a soft, sweet kiss.

 

When he feels your hands lay on his cheeks, when he feels the slight change in your kiss, when he feels your body press just a bit more into his, he feels the flirtations leave you to be replaced with something more emotional. 

 

As he opens his eyes and watches as your face moves back a bit from him, your eyes open to look right into his.  Your lips in a trace of a gentle smile, your thumb caressing his skin.

 

Shane softens his stare and grins, “What?” he asks quiet.

 

“Just thinking,” your little smile growing a bit bigger.

 

“Yeah? ‘Bout what?” he smooths his thumb at your cheekbone before grazing his knuckles down your jaw.

 

“About how much I love you,” you slide your hands down his sweaty, hard chest.

 

And it’s not that he’s glossing over those beautiful words he’ll never get tired of hearing, but he knows there’s a reason for this quick shift of emotions, and then he remembers.  That longest relationship that you told him you had, the one that lasted for years only to end because the guy – the dumbass guy – cheated on you.  And now it’s clear.  Him turning down Andrea was more than just him turning down a ridiculous proposition, it was showing you that you truly are it for him, because once upon a time someone once showed you that you weren’t. 

 

Shane buries his hand in your hair and pulls you forward to kiss you with such a loving passion that you feel like the air leaves your lungs. Slipping your hands into his open shirt, you grip his hips and melt into him. 

 

It leaves you both breathless when your lips part from his.  He presses his forehead to yours, and playfully rubs his nose against yours to make you smile. One more kiss then he pulls his head back to look at you, hand still in your hair and his arm around your lower back.

 

“You know what I’m thinkin’ ‘bout?” he asks low, then dips his head to press a soft kiss to your jaw.

 

With a faint shake of your head you give a negative hum.

 

“How you’re the first woman that I’ve ever fallen in actual love with,” his eyes looking into yours.  He moves his hand from your hair to cup the side of your neck, his thumb sweetly rubbing your jaw.

 

With a soft tone, he continues, “And how incredibly beautiful you are, inside and out.”

 

It’s not what you were expecting him to say.  In fact, you’re so taken back by the romance of it and the love behind it that you blush and get almost shy.

 

A pink hue surfaces on your cheeks and you can’t fight the smile that he causes.  Arms moving around his neck as his arms move around your body, you kiss him. 

 

You bring your hands to his cheeks as you slowly pull away, press your forehead to his briefly and he moves to kiss your brow before you both take a step back from each other, smiles on and hearts full.

 

“Mind if I stay and watch you finish here?” you ask with a smirk.

 

Shane rubs at the back of his head, before nodding.  You watch as he slips his shirt off completely and playfully tosses his shirt at you which you catch with a laugh.

 

“If you’re stayin’, I gotta make it good, right?” he winks before laughing and picking the axe back up.

 

Shane halves two more logs before he stops and looks at you, “You wanna give it a try?” and he flips the handle so he catches the neck of the axe and holds the handle out to you.

 

It’s hard to even hear him when his body is glistening in sweat, but you eye the handle before looking at him, “You can’t be serious.”

 

He laughs, “Why’s that?”

 

“I know you can’t see yourself when you’re chopping, but your muscles are practically bulging out of your arms.  And as incredibly attractive as that is, it also makes me know that there is no way I could do that.”

 

He walks up to you, “Come on, sweetheart, just try it.  You might surprise yourself.”

 

Relenting, you trade him his shirt for the axe handle.  Walking up to the stump, you place one of the logs on it as Shane has been doing.  One more glance at him, the shirtless hunk, and you swing the axe over your head before bringing it down with as much force as you can muster. 

 

The blade gets stuck in the wood, no splitting in sight.

 

Immediately you start laughing and look at him, “What did I say to you?”

 

Shane’s laughing too and shakes his head, “No, go on.  Give it another go,” he manages to say between the laughter.

 

But as you try to pull the axe out of the wood, it’s wedged in so good that you struggle just to pull the axe out. Even with one foot on the log, you can’t pull the axe free.  When you hear Shane laugh harder, you look at him, and finally you catch on.

 

“Oh my god! You knew I wouldn’t be able to do it!” and your own laughter grows, “You just wanted to laugh at me!”

 

Leaving the axe sticking out of the log, you walk towards him, but Shane’s draped his shirt on his shoulder and the way he’s laughing lets you know that you’re right.

 

You playfully cover your face with your hands, slightly embarrassed, as he approaches you.  He kisses your hair before lifting you up in his arms, laughing against your cheek as you move your arms around his neck.

 

“I can’t believe you,” you laugh as you hug his neck.  Shane smiles as he lifts you up more in his arms to hug you closer, his smile pressing into your cheek before kissing you there. 

 

He slowly moves his arm to bring your feet back to the ground, and you playfully pull him forward so that he’s dipping you backwards a bit, but Shane just keeps a hold on you and kisses you as you both straighten up.

 

When you pull away, you pull his shirt from his shoulder, “Now you owe me a good show,” you smirk.

 

He just kisses you with a smile and walks back over to the stump.

 

With ease, he pulls the axe free and gives you a look after he does it.  You stick your tongue out at him before smiling.

 

Shane then continues chopping wood, completely shirtless.  Every single muscle you can see as his body moves and turns and strains to split each log.  He also grunts with each swing and each hit.  And each time it pulses throughout your body, and you’re practically itching to get your hands on him.

 

With the last log split, he chucks the two pieces on top of the pile he created.  He slams the axe into the stump to set it somewhere and swipes his forearm across his sweaty forehead before running his hand down his face.

 

He puts a hand on his hip and looks at you as he wipes at the back of his neck.

 

You hold eye contact with him, and you’re clutching his shirt in your hands. 

 

Neither of you look away from one another when he struts over to you.  Walks right up to you and grasps the back of your neck before kissing you almost roughly. 

 

He keeps his face close, eyes flitting between yours and your lips.

 

All it takes is a breathless, “ _Shane_ ,” to fall from your lips before he’s taking your hand and leading you towards the back of the house. 

 

As soon as he leads you around the corner, you lean back against the house and he takes his shirt from you.  As he slips his arms into his shirt, he’s kissing you fiercely.  Pulling the fabric back over his shoulders, he leaves it open still.  Both of you are quick to undo your pants and when you push yours and your underwear down, you turn around to the face the house.  Shane presses against your back, bending his knees slightly before you feel him enter you. 

 

He drops his forehead to the back of your head and places a hand against the house to brace himself.  Staying right up against you, he starts thrusting up into you as he keeps a hold of you with an arm around your waist. 

 

You lean your head back against his shoulder, eyes closed as you bite your lip.  Shane kisses your neck just as you bring a hand up to hold onto the back of his. 

 

Shane makes sure to take a quick glance around every few seconds to make sure no one is getting a free show.

 

Then he feels you start pushing back against him, a thrust of your own, and he has to press his open mouth against your shoulder to let his groan out against your shirt.   

 

It’s not too much longer before you let out a strangled cry of pleasure, one that you try to keep buried in your throat.  Shane groans against your neck as he twitches inside of you. 

 

With an arm anchored around your waist, he leans forward against your back - his heavy breathes tickling your hair.

 

He only rests for a few seconds before he slides out of you and you hear him start pulling his cargo pants back up.  You’re quick to pull your own pants back up.  When you do, you turn back around to face him and grasp the collar of his shirt, pulling him for a kiss. 

 

“Are we in the clear?” you whisper as you pull away.

 

Shane takes a peek around the corner of the house and then looks at you with a nod and a grin, “Yeah, we’re good.”

 

You smile too, a hand on his cheek as he leans in to kiss you one more time.

 

Again, he takes your hand, and you both try to seem casual as you both walk back towards camp.  Stolen glances at each other reveal knowing smirks on your faces, and they only make you laugh softly as Shane kisses your temple as you walk. 

 

As you get back to camp, Carl happens to let out a huff and tosses his pencil onto the picnic table in frustration.

 

Shane and you look at each other before heading over to him.

 

“Carl, you okay little man?” Shane asks as you both take a seat across from him.

 

Carl crosses his arms on the table, “Mom wants me to get these math problems done but they’re impossible.”

 

“Where _is_ your mom?” you have to ask because usually Lori’s with Carl when he’s doing the schoolwork she sets up for him.

 

“She said she was tired so she’s taking a nap.  Told me to have them done by the time she wakes up.”

 

For a second time, you and Shane share a look because only you two know why she’s more tired than normal.  

 

“Doesn’t matter,” he grumps, “I’m not doing them.  It’s not like she can ground me or anything anymore.”

 

Shane props an elbow on the table and points at Carl, in a firm voice, “Hey.  You always do what your Mom tells you, you hear me?”

 

It’s the fatherly side of Shane that you’ve seen come out a number of times with Carl.  It means more now since Shane is an actual father-to-be. 

 

Carl just nods slowly.

 

Shane softens a bit, “Look, you finish these math problems in time, and…and she’ll draw you anything you want.”

 

Both you and Carl look at Shane in surprise.  Shane’s lips are quirked into a smirk and he looks at you, “Ain’t that right?”

 

You shouldn’t be surprised really.  Shane always remembers everything you tell him, and of course he’d work it in somehow to be able to get you to be able to do something you love and that you miss.

 

With a soft smile, you nod, before looking back at Carl, “Yeah, I will.”

 

You give Shane’s knee a tender squeeze under the table.

 

Carl picks his pencil back up, “Do you think you could help me too?  Mom’s usually here with me to help.”

 

Before Shane can even answer, you nod, “I can try, yeah.” 

 

Shane smiles at how good you are with the young boy, “I’m gonna leave you both to it while I grab my turn at the shower early,” his body still covered in sweat. 

 

“Okay,” you respond as you watch him stand up.  Shane makes sure to leave you with a kiss before heading towards the house.

 

You move to sit next to Carl to get a better look at his workbook.  After helping him with a few problems, Carl stops and looks at you, “I heard my parents say that Shane doesn’t want to search for Sophia anymore.  Is that true?”

 

It catches you off guard, that’s for sure.  Carefully, you mull over how to answer him.

 

“Not exactly.  Shane’s just scared.  Do you remember how after your Dad founds us at the quarry, he wanted to go back into the city after Merle? Remember how scared you were that something might happen to him?”

 

Carl nods.

 

“That’s how Shane feels right now.  Every time we all go out there, he’s scared that something may happen to one of us.  We need everyone that’s here, and there’s always a risk when we go searching.  But it doesn’t mean Shane doesn’t want Sophia back with us.”

 

You hold your breath a bit.  You didn’t exactly answer his question, but what you said was true enough. 

 

Carl seems to think that over before following it up with something that breaks your heart, “So, even if I was the one who was lost, Shane would be scared to have anyone looking for me?”

 

“Oh, Carl,” you say with some disbelief, and you wonder if he has any idea just what Shane’s already gone through for him.

 

“Did your Mom or Dad tell you what Shane did when you got hurt?” you gently prod.

 

“He got the supplies that Hershel needed,” but it’s the casual way he answers that lets him know that he doesn’t know the full extent of it.

 

Nodding, “Yeah, and that’s true, but there was so much more than that.  The second Hershel said he needed more supplies to save you, Shane volunteered.  He headed to a school a few miles down the road from here, it was overrun by walkers, and he fought his way in and fought his way out to bring back what Hershel needed, all to make sure you were okay.”

 

“He did?”

 

“Yeah, he did,” you nodded.  Voice soft, because you just simply want him to understand, “Shane would go above and beyond to help you if you ever needed it.  Don’t ever forget that, okay?”

 

Carl nods in understanding.  

 

He seems to focus on his schoolwork after that, you help him along until finally he finishes with the assignment that Lori asked him to do.  After a high-five, Carl’s handing you his pencil and turns to a blank page in his notebook. 

 

“Okay, so what do you want?  You earned it, Carl,” you smile.

 

Carl’s answer almost takes your breath away.

 

“Could you draw Sophia?”

 

It hits you for the first time just how much this little boy is missing his friend.  You silently nod before managing to utter, “I think I can do that.”

 

**~~~**

 

Freshly showered and dressed in clean clothes, Shane jogs down the front steps of the house and sees you and Carl still at the picnic table.

 

You’re putting the finishing touches on the portrait of Sophia. Carl’s been watching you draw, pointing out the extra details you needed to make it perfect like how far her freckles go on her cheeks and a tiny scar on her forehead. 

 

When Carl spots Shane, he quickly gets up and runs over to him.

 

“Hey Carl, you finish those – “ but he stops talking when Carl throws his arms around his waist and hugs him.

 

Looking up when Carl jumped up, you witness the cute sight.

 

“What’s this all ‘bout, bud?” Shane chuckles as he returns the hug before looking down at the boy.

 

And Carl explains how he hadn’t known just exactly what Shane went through to get those life-saving medical supplies for him, until you told him.

 

“And I wanted to say thank you,” Carl finishes.

 

There’s a second of eye contact between you and Shane before he’s taking a knee in front of Carl, hands on his shoulders.

 

Shane licks his lips as he swallows the lump in his throat.  He barely finds his voice when he tells him, “Carl, you-you never have to thank me for that.  I’ll always have your back, little man.”  

 

He ruffles Carl’s hair as the boy nods, then he stands back up.

 

Only you notice Shane swipe at his eyes with his thumb and index finger quick.

 

“She drawin’ somethin’ for ya?” Shane questions as they make their way back to you.

 

Carl gets to the table a second before he does.  As Carl answers him, Shane’s eyes catch the portrait.

 

“Yeah, Sophia.”

 

Shane’s lips part as he sees the unbelievable likeness of the young missing girl, and he has to take a small step back as he wipes a hand over his mouth.  Too see her face again, he feels guilty for a second for ever thinking they should stop searching.  But just as he feels that, he sees the smile on Carl’s face at the drawing and sees the sweet smile you give in return as you rub Carl’s shoulder.  And then he knows that his decision to keep you both safe is still more important.  But damn if that drawing didn’t punch him in the gut good.

 

“Baby, that’s-that’s unbelievable,” Shane breathes.

 

With a look up at him, you thank him, before handing it to Carl.

 

“Wow,” Carl looks at it in a quiet shock before looking at you, “Thank you,” he says with such sincerity that you take a quiet breath to not get emotional.

 

“Where you gonna put that?” Shane asks him.

 

And what Carl says next takes your breath away.

 

“I’m gonna give it to Carol.  I think it’ll make her smile.”

 

Shane tenderly ruffles Carl’s hair, “Think that’s a real nice idea, Carl.”

 

And you nod in agreement as you watch the boy gaze down at the picture of his friend.

 

When you touch your fingertips to Carl’s arm, both he and Shane look to you.

 

“I can draw another one for you too,” you softly suggest because the way he’s looking at the drawing is like he doesn’t want to lose Sophia for a second time.

 

Carl nods and loosens his grip on the edge of the paper, “Okay.”

 

A sad smile adorns your face as your sweetly touch his cheek before standing up. 

 

When Carl walks away to find Carol, Shane hooks an arm around you and pulls you into his side, kissing your temple. 

 

“Thank you,” you tell him.  He allowed you to do something from your old life, something that brings you happiness.  He did that for you. 

 

“That was all you, baby.  I just gave ya an openin’,” he brushes his thumb across your chin quick.

 

You touch one of side of his face as you kiss his other.  Shane turns into the kiss a bit so his lips are closer to your ear, “You didn’t have to tell him by the way.”

 

But he’s not saying it to scold you, just a gentle reminder that he was okay with Carl not knowing the full extent of what had gone on.

 

“He told me he heard his parents say that you didn’t want to look for Sophia anymore.  I told him you were just scared of what might happen to the rest of us.  Then he asked me if that means you’d be too scared to look for _him_ if he had been the one missing…”

The way his eyebrows draw together shows how Shane can’t even begin to understand why Carl would think that to be true.  It makes you feel right in telling Carl about what Shane did the night he was shot.

 

“…you would give your life for him.  You almost did. I just felt like he needed to understand that.  It’s one thing for them to make you feel rejected, but they don’t get to include Carl in on their bullshit.”

 

His expression doesn’t change, and you doubt yourself now for having that conversation with Carl.  But then Shane’s mouth opens.

 

Eyebrows still drawn together, his eyes staring into yours, “I am so in love with you.”

 

And you realize it’s not confusion on his face anymore, it’s determination for you to understand the weight of his words.  The way you protect him, especially with the people who’re important to him, it’s still something he has to get used to.  It’s not something he’s really had before.

 

A blush comes to your cheeks and when Shane sees it, his eyebrows instantly relax and a smile comes to his face.  Both of you move in to a hug and Shane kisses your ear, “So in love,” he whispers to you for emphasis.

 

You run your hand down the back of his head in a loving caress and both of you pull back enough to kiss one another. 

 

The sound of approaching footsteps break you two apart and you both look to see Carl coming back with a smile on.

 

“She really liked it,” he shares.

 

“Good,” Shane gives a small nod, then with a hand on your lower back, guides himself and you back to the picnic table. 

 

Both of you taking a seat on one side, Carl follows suit and takes a seat on the opposite side. 

 

Shane taps a finger on the textbook, “Alright, how ‘bout we get you doin’ a few more problems, yeah? Impress your Mom a bit?” he gently urges. 

 

Carl seems to be on board with the idea, so he opens the textbook.  As he turns to the correct page, you borrow another sheet of paper and a pencil. 

 

You listen as Shane helps Carl with some more math problems, and it’s so sweet to witness just how wonderful of a father Shane is meant to be.  You can’t help but glance at the two of them as you begin drawing a second portrait of Sophia to give to Carl. 

 

As Shane’s helping Carl figure out a multiplication problem, his arm snakes around your waist.  Smiling to yourself, you let him pull you closer to his hip and feel as he presses a quick kiss to your head.

 

**~~~**

 

That night in the tent, Shane’s laying on his back, already stripped down to his underwear.  With a hand behind his head, his ankles crossed as he shakes one foot now and then. 

 

On his face is a loving grin as he watches you. 

 

Standing up a couple feet away, you’re wearing one of his t-shirts as you brush out your hair.  Unaware he’s watching you until you turn and see him which brings an instant blush to your cheeks and a smirk.

 

“Didn’t your grandmother ever tell you that it’s not polite to stare?” you point your brush at him.

 

Shane’s grin turns into a smile, “She did, she did,” he nods, “But she also told me to appreciate the beauty in life.”

 

A couple more brushes through your hair as you smirk at his sweet answer, then your dropping the brush into a bag and walking over to him.

 

Shane watches your every move.  You walk over to him, feet on either side of his hips and his head tilts back to look up at you, a smirk on his face.

 

You lower onto your knees and sit your butt on his thighs as your hands roam his firm torso.  Shane slides his hands up your thighs and then sits up so he’s right there in front of you.

 

The mood changes into something more intimate now.  He tilts his head as he brushes his nose against yours, chasing your lips without actually letting himself touch them.  

 

Your hand molds to his pectoral where you let your thumb brush over his nipple, lips parting as you watch your own movements.

 

With the sensitive touch, Shane’s forehead leans on yours and you close the small space to kiss him. 

 

In the back of your mind though is the fact that he woke up from a nightmare in the middle of last night, and you don’t want him to have to suffer through any of those.

 

Pulling away, you put a hand on his shoulder and look at him.

 

“You know, back in my town, every Saturday they had a Farmer’s Market in the parking lot of the library.”

 

If you could plant even the smallest seed of something better for his mind to grow in slumber, you’re going to try.

 

Shane’s attention is on you, even when you watch his eyes glance at your lips, you know he’s fully listening to you.

 

“And whenever you weren’t working, I’d absolutely drag you there with me,” hand moving from his shoulder to grip the back of his neck.

 

He loves this, hearing what your shared life could be like in a more normal circumstance.  His finger brushes your chin before smoothing down your arm until your hand is in his, “Yeah, and why’s that?” because he wants to hear more from you.  He wants to let himself live in this alternate universe for as long as he can.

 

“Well,” and you softly smile, “With you loving to cook, I figure you’d be able to grab all the fresh ingredients you want.”

 

It makes him smile, his hand tucking some hair behind your ear.  Then he kisses your cheek so sweet and with a tender voice, “And then what would happen?”

 

Your voice matches the intimacy of his now, “Well we’d get home, you intending to cook something, but we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off each other,” and Shane moves his hand higher on your thigh so his thumb rubs along the edge of your underwear, “And we wouldn’t make it to the bedroom, so you’d make love to me right there on the couch.”

 

“Sounds ‘bout right,” he murmurs as he presses a few kisses along your jaw which makes a soft laugh come out of you.

 

“Though I’d get ya in that bed eventually, ‘cause I’d plan on keepin’ you there,” he adds with a twitch of his lips against your skin.

 

Without warning he lays back, pulling you down on top of him causing you to give a small yelp before laughing quietly with him.

 

He combs his fingers through your hair and tilts his head slightly as he looks at you, “You know, I’d have hung a bunch of your drawin’s up in my locker at work,” he shares with a shy smirk, “Hang ‘em up at our house too. They’d be all over.”

 

It’s so sweet of him to say that you feel heat come to your cheeks as you kiss his chin.  But it’s something else he just said that has you feeling things too.

 

“Our house,” you repeat in thought, fingers trailing along his cheekbone, “I know we’d never have met if the world didn’t fall apart, but yet I still can’t help but wish for a life with you in a normal one.”

 

A sad smile shows on his face, “I know.  Me too,” he glides his knuckles down your cheek.

 

You move off of him and settle against his side where you play your head on his chest.  Shane’s arm secures you to him as he turns his head to kiss your forehead.

 

“One day we’ll have that.  Our own home,” he starts, “Might not be anytime soon, but this world’s gotta settle down at some point.”

 

“You actually believe that or you’re just saying that for me?” you press your cheek to his skin more.

 

You hear a quiet exhale through his nose and feel his chest move in accordance, “Not sure.”

 

At least he’s honest, so you give his chest a kiss. 


End file.
